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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend offended I returned her gift?

281 replies

Laura187 · 06/03/2021 12:08

Friend sent me a bits from next for DD. I am not into colours and everything she purchased was quite colourful, pink and frilly. She also sent me the gift receipt.

I went and changed most of the bits into baby clothes that are more to my taste and what I needed.

Today I sent her a pic of DD in the clothes I changed and thanked her for the gifts.

'This isnt what I brought' was her reply, I told her I changed a few bits and thought I'd send it to her.

She replied 'You changed what I got!' with a covering face emoji.

I said yes I thought I'd get things I needed and could use and she replied with 'ok'

I am quite shocked by this! Opinions please - AIBU in changing the items?

OP posts:
mam0918 · 06/03/2021 13:14

@mam0918

My view is the gift isnt for you its for the child so your taste doesnt really matter.

Also who honestly cares, no one is going to remember that sleepsuit your baby wore x amount of times to sleep/puke in for the month or so it actually fit for - these are deep sentimental items just stick the kid in the Dumbo vest one night and your life wont end.

I mean I personally hate jogging bottoms and tracksuits I think they look lazy and kind of chavvy, I have 2 boys and everyone buys the jogging bottoms or tracksuits and guess what they wear... because as much as I dont like them they are practical, comfortable and hard wearing for two rambunctous boys and they would rather be comfortable than match my fashion taste.

What you did was look a gift horse straight in the mouth

meant to say *are not deep sentimental
dottiedodah · 06/03/2021 13:14

This would not upset me at all TBH. We have friends with young DC who I buy clothes for.I always include the receipt, and say if you arent sure just to change them .Why would this be a problem ?

AllMyPrettyOnes · 06/03/2021 13:15

@MunaZaldrizoti

If I had a newborn girl and someone bought a bunch of pink frilly crap for her, I'd return in a heartbeat.
But would you send them a photo and tell them you'd returned it all?
Justanotherdragact · 06/03/2021 13:16

OP: AIBU

Majority of replies: Yes

OP: * argues about how she’s not being unreasonable *

Hmm
Hallyup5 · 06/03/2021 13:22

Wow, that's rude.

It's fine to change an item if you've been sent a gift receipt, perhaps because it doesn't fit. It's not fine to change almost every item and then pretty much tell her that you hated what she bought.

Don't expect her to bother in future.

EmpressSuiko · 06/03/2021 13:24

Maybe I’m the odd one out but I wouldn’t dream of exchanging a gift someone gave me, I received so many hand me downs and new clothes for my dd but I used everything, I bought her things that I liked myself but was still happy to use the other bits and bobs, I’d feel so rude changing the gifts!

LouLou198 · 06/03/2021 13:24

I would have thanked her, and if it really was unsuitable I would have exchanged the things for something I needed. I have done this a couple of times, but I wouldn't tell the person who bought them, I don't really see why you would.

babbaloushka · 06/03/2021 13:28

She has a DS. I have a DD. Maybe that would explain a few things to you?

What relevance is this? Most baby clothes I encounter are unisex. It's not like the babies are going to care...

Hoppinggreen · 06/03/2021 13:30

Really rude

FreshFancyFrogglette · 06/03/2021 13:30

I dont really understand why your taste comes into it when its a baby, you're going to have to get used to them wearing things that you don't like. Might as well start to get used to it when they're a baby! Does it matter if you personally don't like the clothes that your baby is wearing? It's not you wearing them. I find it odd. My dd got given loads of things that I wouldn't have picked, but it never crossed my mind to swap it unless it was too small.

When she was 2 she got given a pair of crocks (those soft shoes with holes in) I hate the bloody things, but she adored them :D :D Made me happy that she was happy with them tbh.

1forAll74 · 06/03/2021 13:31

You should not have sent photo's and mentioned anything. It's ok to have changed the gifts,as you had receipts, but you should know, that some people could be a bit iffy about things like this.

Youllbeoldertoo · 06/03/2021 13:31

Fine to change it (a gift receipt is more for sizing) but you shouldn’t have sent a picture of the changed clothes, that’s rude.

I would have just changed the clothes and not sent a pic.

Backwards31 · 06/03/2021 13:32

Wow what a horrible thing to do. I would never buy anything for your child again if I was her. Extremely rude

GrumpyHoonMain · 06/03/2021 13:33

The etiquette behind gift receipts is you use them if you to swap to a bigger / smaller size. If you don’t like the item you let the gift giver know and give them the option to get a refund. Otherwise you’re just using them to get a freebie.

VinterKvinna · 06/03/2021 13:33

@Laura187

Yes I agree. I regret sending it now. I actually thought it would be a nice thing to do - show her I am using what she got etc. (in my culture its something that is done to show you are thankful etc)
But you weren't showing her what she got, you're showing her what you exchanged what she got
babbaloushka · 06/03/2021 13:35

You sound a piece of work, to be honest. Why goad her by sending a photo of the clothes you swapped out? Exchange them if you have to but don't rub it her face about what a mistake she made. Poor friend, I wouldn't be getting you any more gifts if I were her.

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 06/03/2021 13:35

My god we have all been bought clothes for our kids we don't like but the beauty is we can say after a few weeks oh they grew out of them without the gift giver ever knowing how much we hated them! Sorry op think you were wrong to rub her face in it.

leafygarden42 · 06/03/2021 13:36

Wow what a horrible thing to do. I would never buy anything for your child again if I was her. Extremely rude

Yup - just that - completely agree

mylobster · 06/03/2021 13:36

@Laura187 that was so rude

Aprilx · 06/03/2021 13:39

Wow you are unbelievably rude, I am surprised you have any friends if this is the level of sensitivity you normally display. I would never get you a gift again.

Kitkat151 · 06/03/2021 13:39

@Laura187

Yes I agree. I regret sending it now. I actually thought it would be a nice thing to do - show her I am using what she got etc. (in my culture its something that is done to show you are thankful etc)
I think you were very rude to do this....I would have been offended too.....I mean do it.....but don’t rub her face in it
SplendidSuns1000 · 06/03/2021 13:41

Your close friend bought your child clothes- spent time picking out something they thought you'd love and you took them back to the shop, replaced them and sent photos to her of the new clothes you bought- how do you not realise how rude that is?

You should've just said 'Your taste in clothing is vile and I couldn't stand to look at the items you chose so carelessly so I took them back as soon as I could'.

If there was a GENUINE issue with the clothes (i.e. not that they're pink) you could've explained politely that they don't fit/are weather inappropriate. You don't just replace them!

Be grateful your child is warm and learn to care less about the colour pink.

iusedtoloveopalfruits1 · 06/03/2021 13:42

Oh my god! That’s so rude. No wonder your poor friend is hurt. I sent a picture of my DS in a snow suit someone had bought us but i had changed it for the same one but in bigger size as i already had one in 0-3. I felt so guilty and was worried they’d work out that at 5 months the one they sent us shouldn’t have fit when I sent them the picture.
You should have sent your friend a picture in some of the clothes that you kept from flyer gift and never mentioned the fact that you changed some.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 06/03/2021 13:43

Not surprised she's offended. You were spectacularly rude.

Tistheseason17 · 06/03/2021 13:46

I was gifted clothing I would not have chosen - I still popped it on our dd as it was a thoughtful gift and she's a baby and her life won't be over from one outfit that I did not think was attractive. Bearing in mind how much poop/vomit they get on them it was nice to have the extra outfits. I knew it would have hurt them to change it or not wear i.

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