Friend offended I returned her gift?

[Laura187]

Friend sent me a bits from next for DD. I am not into colours and everything she purchased was quite colourful, pink and frilly. She also sent me the gift receipt.

I went and changed most of the bits into baby clothes that are more to my taste and what I needed.

Today I sent her a pic of DD in the clothes I changed and thanked her for the gifts.

'This isnt what I brought' was her reply, I told her I changed a few bits and thought I'd send it to her.

She replied 'You changed what I got!' with a covering face emoji.

I said yes I thought I'd get things I needed and could use and she replied with 'ok'

I am quite shocked by this! Opinions please - AIBU in changing the items?

@Kitkatchunkyplease Yes I said I am very sorry if she is offended. I have a 100% learnt a lot from this! Never again :) a nice pic of DD in one outfit as a thank you and quietly change the rest.

Never mind, it’s done now.

For next time, just in case you aren’t already aware you should definitely have sent a ‘Thank you’ photo of DD wearing something your friend had actually bought, or playing with one of the toys you had kept, rather than the things you had picked yourself...

Good grief woman... you need to learn some diplomatic skills.

Next time, dress the kid with clothes given, take a photo, send over and exchange/donate. Weather a thing is to your taste or not doesn’t give you the right to be so rude (even if she provided you with the receipt, which was done most likely for you to have opportunity to change the sizes rather than get something to your taste).

@Laura187

Yes I agree. I regret sending it now. I actually thought it would be a nice thing to do - show her I am using what she got etc. (in my culture its something that is done to show you are thankful etc)

But you are not using what she got, you returned it and got other things. You then sent her a picture of the things she didn't buy you? That was rude and I would have been offended as well. It is like saying to someone they didn't get you a very nice gift so you swapped it for something better.

Heh just finished the last page and have seen that you’ve already come to that conclusion...

YWBU to send her a pic of what you chose yourself, YWNBU to change the clothes I suppose, but I also do think, is it really that important that you love everything your baby wears? They only fit them for such a short time, sometimes only one or two wears! couldn’t your baby have just worn something that was a thoughtful gift but not to your taste.

@Ninkanink

Never mind, it’s done now.

For next time, just in case you aren’t already aware you should definitely have sent a ‘Thank you’ photo of DD wearing something your friend had actually bought, or playing with one of the toys you had kept, rather than the things you had picked yourself...

yes 100% lesson learnt completely. Never again :)

she said she was cooking and so couldn't reply properly. Called and said DD looked lovely. Think she was offended but just wanted to do the polite thing which makes me feel worse. NEVER AGAIN.

YANBU to change them but YABU to send her pics. I would have sent her a pic of one of the items she bought.

how rude

of course you can change items
but you don't take a photo and send it!

The advice SHE would get on MN is to never ever send you anything ever again.

@Lifeaintalwaysempty

YWBU to send her a pic of what you chose yourself, YWNBU to change the clothes I suppose, but I also do think, is it really that important that you love everything your baby wears? They only fit them for such a short time, sometimes only one or two wears! couldn’t your baby have just worn something that was a thoughtful gift but not to your taste.

Maybe that is the right way to do things but sadly I am guilty of having everything 'perfect' (according to myself! before someone gets completely offended by this)

Hopefully with time I can let go of this and just enjoy memories rather than items. thank you :)

@OnceUponAThread

You keep harping on about the gift receipt being in there.

1. loads of people have already said that this is often a size thing.

2. almost everyone is saying that you are extremely unreasonable - not for swapping the stuff but for SENDING THE PICTURE.

3. even if she did include the receipt so you can swap where necessary - exchanging every single item of clothes is commenting on her taste and the fact that you hated the stuff she bought so much you couldn't keep a single item

4. you've said upthread that you kept the toys she chose. Why on earth not just send a picture of baby with toys saying "he loves his new bear" (or whatever) and not comment on the clothes.

Everyone has told you the message is rule. You bleating on about a gift receipt is not going to change that.

This 100 %. Every point.

@Laura187

Yes I agree. I regret sending it now. I actually thought it would be a nice thing to do - show her I am using what she got etc. (in my culture its something that is done to show you are thankful etc)

How was it showing her this? You sent her a photo of completely different outfits. Breathtakingly rude.

but sadly I am guilty of having everything 'perfect' (according to myself! before someone gets completely offended by this)

in the nicest possible way, you might want to brush up on your manners first, they are far from perfect.

I know some posters dislike good manners, but It was also very unkind.

She's a better person than me. I wouldn't have replied, and I wouldn't have sent any more clothes your way.

So rude of you and then to make out that you're doing it to show her what she bought your child - when the point is that you exchanged all the items she chose.

Seems as though you're just looking for some drama. You know what you did was rude, stop trying to make your friend look bad. She says she's not offended, accept it, and accept your rudeness.

Breathtakingly rude and insensitive

Thank you everyone for your replies!

I have learnt and will be more tactful next time. I am done now with this post.

I hope you all have a lovely weekend.

My view is the gift isnt for you its for the child so your taste doesnt really matter.

Also who honestly cares, no one is going to remember that sleepsuit your baby wore x amount of times to sleep/puke in for the month or so it actually fit for - these are deep sentimental items just stick the kid in the Dumbo vest one night and your life wont end.

I mean I personally hate jogging bottoms and tracksuits I think they look lazy and kind of chavvy, I have 2 boys and everyone buys the jogging bottoms or tracksuits and guess what they wear... because as much as I dont like them they are practical, comfortable and hard wearing for two rambunctous boys and they would rather be comfortable than match my fashion taste.

What you did was look a gift horse straight in the mouth

@Erkrie

There's a balance in there though! Change things by all means, but maybe be a little more thoughtful in how present it!

All sounds a bit precious and daft to me.

Jesus thinking about how the other person feels isn't precious or daft, it's just showing some respect and making the world a bit more pleasant for everyone. Why do you think maybe being polite is "precious and daft? Thank god most people don't go around doing what the fuck they want without any thought for anyone else

I feel very sorry for your friend.

A bit of a faux pas there OP sorry. I don't think your friend is going to send you any more.

I once bought my MIL an evening bag, she digs that kind of stuff, and she then told me she had bought another one and was giving mine away as a present as hers was nicer.

Since then it has been box of chocs and bunch of flowers all the way,

Wow. With all due respect, do you not have any self awareness? That just isn't the done thing. She gave you a gift receipt so that if anything didn't fit, you could change the size. Not blatantly return a gift you didn't like a change it over for something totally different. How rude.

If I had a newborn girl and someone bought a bunch of pink frilly crap for her, I'd return in a heartbeat.

In your shoes op I'd have out my dd in the clothes she bought for the zoom calls and outings and thanked her. She's a child and at the age where she wouldn't notice of she was wearing anyway. I think it was rude of you. Sometimes rather than getting what you want it's better to smile and be kind

@Dyrne

Massively rude - you effectively sent a message to the friend telling them what a shit present they chose and how much better taste you have.

Exactly! What a hurtful thing to have done.