Friend offended I returned her gift?

[Laura187]

Friend sent me a bits from next for DD. I am not into colours and everything she purchased was quite colourful, pink and frilly. She also sent me the gift receipt.

I went and changed most of the bits into baby clothes that are more to my taste and what I needed.

Today I sent her a pic of DD in the clothes I changed and thanked her for the gifts.

'This isnt what I brought' was her reply, I told her I changed a few bits and thought I'd send it to her.

She replied 'You changed what I got!' with a covering face emoji.

I said yes I thought I'd get things I needed and could use and she replied with 'ok'

I am quite shocked by this! Opinions please - AIBU in changing the items?

@MajorBumsore that just sounds like a cultural difference. You come from a culture where you accept and say nothing, she doesn’t. She wasn’t meaning to be rude.

Not saying something never offends the giver, saying you don't like it clearly can.. theres just as much reason here where recipient should have made the effort to respect Bumsores culture as the other way round".

I actually thought it would be a nice thing to do - show her I am using what she got etc. (in my culture its something that is done to show you are thankful etc)

It is the same in my culture and many other countries where I have lived. BUT in those countries it is also the rule that if you don’t like the gift you just use it even if you hate it because it is ungrateful not to.

Here are 4 or 5 options you can do in the future:

1. Tell everyone not to get you any gifts
2. Tell everyone you prefer money or gift cards
3. Make a wishlist on Amazon and let everyone know about it so they can see what kind of taste you have
4. Accept the gift and tell her thank you for the lovely gift but never let her know what you did with it afterwards
5. Accept the gift and learn to appreciate it it and keep it because it is from your friend who put a lot of thoughts and considerations trying to find something nice for you

@Laura187 YABU. You shouldn't have sent her a picture. I actually feel a bit sorry for your friend. She tried to do a nice thing for your DD, and you've basically told her 'thanks but no thanks.' I'd be hurt too.

“Clothes are just that, something for a baby to wear. Being this hung up on having specific colours and styles is weird.”

Some people looked forward buying clothes for babies, let them. I let all my family have the opportunity to throw their taste of clothing on my kids while they are still young. But that’s just how I am, my kids grow up the opportunity to explore all sort of style that they know what they like and don’t like.

@CavernousScream

How are you dressing your baby without using any colours? Is hé/she a goth baby?

🤣

People who are this picky about things tend not to be gracious generally.

It's a social skill to override your own narrow taste to appreciate someone buying a gift for you. People these days seem to think its unimportant. It's not. As you go through life you will find that openly not appreciate what anyone does for you results in no one ever being willing to do anything for you any more, even when you want/need them to.

A little grace goes a long way.

who's "offended"?

Take a look at the thread title @therealteamdebbie and all will be revealed.

I probably wouldn’t have sent the photo, but I don’t think YABU to change the stuff. It’s a waste if you aren’t going to use it.

First you are wrong to have sent that pic as you now realise.

Second, you say she is someone close and bought a big hamper of clothes but you couldn't have kept one of them and taken a pic of DD in that?

You sound ungrateful

Omg so rude! Some people really don't care about the feelings of others .

Just curious... if your child is only allowed to wear cream, what is your plan for when she’s two and will only wear something with peppa pig on it?

Yabu sorry. The gift receipt is to change the size not completely change the outfit!

I got given a lot of baby clothes from friends and family and some weren't to our taste but we still kept them and put dd in them- unless they were ridiculously unpractical. I think people get great pleasure buying baby clothes and I enjoyed seeing my baby in clothes they had chosen with love. Dd still had plenty of clothes chosen by us.

We got some right corkers for DD - frilly frothy stuff we would never dress her in. Gracious thanks to the giver, and straight in the box to send to the local children's charity. Anything else is monumentally rude.

You really do sound like you think you're better than her tbh.

[quote OwlBeThere]@MajorBumsore that just sounds like a cultural difference. You come from a culture where you accept and say nothing, she doesn’t. She wasn’t meaning to be rude.[/quote]
Im sorry but there is no 'cultural' difference in this but a series of rude actions.

1. The reciever insulted the gift to the givers face (she lives and works in the country for over 1 year minimum, I dont buy she has zero awareness of acceptible politeness)

2. She returned the gift to the giver because she didnt like it

3. She then went for the rude jackpot by having the sheer audacity to complain PP doesnt buy her enough gifts

You were terribly rude. I’m sure she will be possessed off with you.

On the neutral front- your kid, so what you want but both my girls have had very strong opinions on clothes from an early age. There was someone in one of our baby classes that only ever dressed her baby in grey or black and it was really noticeable (and not in a good way). It just seemed a bit drab. In the scheme of things it didn’t matter at all but it felt a bit try hard.

I’m sure she will be possessed off with you.

Wow, possessed off? That'd be, like, really pissed off.

Omg
Were you not taught social skills? Manners?
So unbelievably unreasonable of you. I’m cringing

Oh dear! The gift receipt is more to change out the size!

The slightly more diplomatic thing is, if you really do hate them is to return them and get different ones, bar maybe one or two items and say something along the lines of "oh she's grow so much so I had to swap them for the next size up, except they didn't have them....so, I hope you don't mind, but I picked up a few different ones instead'

Bought not brought, I'm sure she meant to say.

The photo was a bit tactless - especially (If I’ve understood correctly) as there were some toys you could have photographed your baby playing with instead.

I can totally see why a good friend might think it was okay to swap them and also why others would not. A friendship that’s worthwhile should weather this minor storm fairly easily.

I actually think it’s a little bit rude of your friend to have deliberately sent you stuff she knows you wouldn’t like, but that was maybe a clue that she would not be so okay with you changing them - she seems to have taken the gift giving as an opportunity to try to ensure your baby was dressed to her satisfaction some of the time. Again, though, not a major thing as a one off in a good friendship.

How did you exchange them when Next is closed? Genuine question?