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Original poster

How to deal with a difficult wedding guest?

276 replies

AliceWonderland88 · 05/03/2021 10:30

Hi Mumnetters,

My Fiance and I are due to get married this year and there is a specific guest that I am worried about. I am not a hateful person in the slightest but I do choose not to have certain people in my life and my Fiance's brother's wife is one of them. She spits nothing but hateful remarks and has the ability to ruin everyone's day wherever she goes. I have only seen her a number of times and she has managed to bring me to tears every time. I honestly do not want her to come but if she doesn't come she will stop his whole family from coming. How do I cope with her on the day? I want to enjoy it but she is determined to spoil it already. What should I do? Any advice would be very much appreciated

OP posts:
LunaHeather · 05/03/2021 10:37

If she's that bad, I simply wouldn't mix with her, which means neither could come to any event I was hosting. Life is too full of crap to voluntarily add in more!

MatildaTheCat · 05/03/2021 10:38

You brief a few trusted people to shield you from her for the entire day so you barely know she’s there?

Aprilx · 05/03/2021 10:38

You cannot not invite your future husbands brothers wife. It is difficult to upstage a bride and nobody is going to allow her to do so. Forget about her, you are making up a scenario that has not happened and is unlikely to happen.

Freezeboy · 05/03/2021 10:39

If it’s a reasonably large wedding you hardly have any time to speak to people and it goes so fast. Try to avoid her as much as possible 🤞

RampantIvy · 05/03/2021 10:39

What does your fiance think?

TheGirlOnTheLanding · 05/03/2021 10:41

Elope? Grin

Seriously, don't allow this to spoil your day. Brief your bridesmaid(s) to steer you away every time she heads your direction, or to cut her off and distract her until you're busy elsewhere.

zzzooomwatcher · 05/03/2021 10:44

@MatildaTheCat

You brief a few trusted people to shield you from her for the entire day so you barely know she’s there?
This is the solution. Had to entertain my friends horrible Aunt and cousin at her wedding (tag team format with other friends lol) but I was happy to do it for her. I've seen the drama they've caused over the years and was glad to be of help on her special day
44PumpLane · 05/03/2021 10:46

Do you have a few close and trusted friends that you can put on interception duty?

Some pretty serious shit went down at a friend's wedding years and years ago, and the bride and groom had no clue because there were a couple of guests primed for action.

Everyone still had a fab time.

You basically need someone who is strong willed, confident and happy to fall out with a stranger for you. If you were my friend I'd do it for you gladly!

I also was on intervention duty at a funeral too, though never needed to step up. Weddings and funerals can truly bring out the worst in people who like to tear others down!

GreatTeaMonkey · 05/03/2021 10:46

How would she stop the entire family attending?

ApolloandDaphne · 05/03/2021 10:47

I agree with pp. You can't not invite her so you need trusted allies to make sure she is never allowed near you. How many are you having at the wedding?

StillCoughingandLaughing · 05/03/2021 10:48

Hide her at the furthest table from the top table as possible. As others have said, if there are a couple of people who you know can be a calming influence, put them on the same table and warn them what she’s like.

GrumpyHoonMain · 05/03/2021 10:54

Make yours and your fiance’s immediate family ‘table hosts’ and put them in singles or couples on each table to mingle with and take care of guests. Then put her as far from you as possible.

murbblurb · 05/03/2021 10:54

involve your fiance, perhaps get him to have a word with his brother telling him that his bitchy wife needs to rein it in or no invite.

if fiance chooses family over you - there's your warning...

BebesChamber · 05/03/2021 10:55

I'm saying this in a kind way and from experience - you probably won't even notice her, you'll be so wrapped up in the day and having photos done and catching up with people etc that the time spent with her will be extremely small. And that's from someone who had a 15 people COVID-wedding, still hardly spent more than 20 minutes talking with any one person at any time.

If you are still worried nearer the time then I agree with a PP, sort out a small circle of people that you can trust to keep her away from you if possible.

Good luck and hope your worries don't amount to anything Smile

GrumpyHoonMain · 05/03/2021 10:56

Lol in Indian weddings annoying family members often get sent to the kitchen to dish out or serve the buffet to keep them out of the way.

Iflyaway · 05/03/2021 10:57

I'd elope.

Fuck her with her negative mindset.

Original poster
AliceWonderland88 · 05/03/2021 10:58

Thank you so much for the advice so far

OP posts:
Anordinarymum · 05/03/2021 10:59

[quote AliceWonderland88]Hi Mumnetters,

My Fiance and I are due to get married this year and there is a specific guest that I am worried about. I am not a hateful person in the slightest but I do choose not to have certain people in my life and my Fiance's brother's wife is one of them. She spits nothing but hateful remarks and has the ability to ruin everyone's day wherever she goes. I have only seen her a number of times and she has managed to bring me to tears every time. I honestly do not want her to come but if she doesn't come she will stop his whole family from coming. How do I cope with her on the day? I want to enjoy it but she is determined to spoil it already. What should I do? Any advice would be very much appreciated

Original poster
AliceWonderland88 · 05/03/2021 11:02

We are having 50 guests in total, and depending on COVID - potentially more in the evening. My Fiance spoke to his brother about her but he said if she doesn't come then none of them come. I can't not invite her that's his family.

OP posts:
WashableVelvet · 05/03/2021 11:02

This is what the bridesmaids and ushers are for!

kooked · 05/03/2021 11:03

talking about bringing meat to the ceremony and hiding it in my food (I'm a vegetarian).

Any sane adult who heard this ^ would give her a wide berth and realise she's a horrible person, so you really don't need to worry too much about this:

She's already talking to my family and spreading lies about me

RampantIvy · 05/03/2021 11:04

She's already talking to my family and spreading lies about me

So tell them to take anything she says with a large pinch of salt. It sounds like she is jealous of you.

Lochmorlich · 05/03/2021 11:04

Now if my dh thought his db’s wife was going to sabotage an event like this he’d either tell her and her dh to behave or else or he wouldn’t invite her.
If your future dh isn’t prepared to tackle this level of nastiness now you have a lot of problems ahead imo.

HotChoc10 · 05/03/2021 11:07

Her planning to bring meat to put in your food is reasonable grounds to not invite her. That is unhinged.

Slurtdragon · 05/03/2021 11:08

I, personally, would allocate one of my trusted, and best (ridiculously bad ass) friends, to basically be ‘in-charge’ of her. I would be this friend at a wedding, someone who will shut her shit down, before she starts spouting it. Someone who doesn’t know her, nor needs to know her, someone who will deal with her in almost a professional manner. I have particular friends who could do this job, whilst enjoying themselves thereafter. Or, hire a bouncer 🤣🤣🤣 it’s a shit situation to be in OP. You poor thing x