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Original poster

How to deal with a difficult wedding guest?

276 replies

AliceWonderland88 · 05/03/2021 10:30

Hi Mumnetters,

My Fiance and I are due to get married this year and there is a specific guest that I am worried about. I am not a hateful person in the slightest but I do choose not to have certain people in my life and my Fiance's brother's wife is one of them. She spits nothing but hateful remarks and has the ability to ruin everyone's day wherever she goes. I have only seen her a number of times and she has managed to bring me to tears every time. I honestly do not want her to come but if she doesn't come she will stop his whole family from coming. How do I cope with her on the day? I want to enjoy it but she is determined to spoil it already. What should I do? Any advice would be very much appreciated

OP posts:
GreatTeaMonkey · 07/03/2021 12:35

This isn’t just about the wedding, you are signing up for a lifetime of abuse from this woman and your DP’s family.

Next year you’ll be back with a thread about your children, there will always be something.

I’m sure they’ll be a new thread in a few weeks.

Nanny0gg · 07/03/2021 13:58

The OP is never coming back to this thread, is she?

DaNcInGtEqUiLaCaT · 07/03/2021 18:31

Our wedding was vegan and vegetarian and my meat eating guests thought tibwas funny to sneak in pork pies on their coach but when they arrived at the venue and saw the buffet, they felt silly. Although they had no intention of putting them near my food.
If she has said that she will do this, I don't understand why you don't ring her up. She sounds like an attention seeking bitch. It's your day, don't invite her. I wouldn't nd if your husband to be doesn't agree then you need to question why he's putting them before you. If you have children, they will grow up with theirs... Family Xmas... Omg... Do you really want your whole life spoiled by this cow? Nip this in the bud now and put your door down.

DaNcInGtEqUiLaCaT · 07/03/2021 18:33

I mean foot not door Grin

Original poster
AliceWonderland88 · 09/03/2021 09:44

She lives in the UK and her sons are English. She usually talks to me like this when no one is around so it is relayed to my fiance by me. He just says to ignore her. I understand that people like this are just looking for attention so I don't give it to her. I say if you continue to talk to me like that I am going to hang up and when she continues I do. That only sparks her rumours about me more though. I have told my fiance I don't want her coming and just having her in the same room stresses me out but he says he doesn't want to upset anyone....I said he's upsetting me and he just got frustrated. His brother's family are all the family he has and it means the world to him to have them there. Luckily this nutter doesn't live near us but she still manages to be destructive in our lives.

OP posts:
BIWI · 09/03/2021 09:49

You're really not listening to any of us, are you @AliceWonderland88?

Original poster
AliceWonderland88 · 09/03/2021 09:54

BIWI - how do you mean? Please explain.

OP posts:
Lolapusht · 09/03/2021 10:04

PLEASE DON’T GET MARRIED!

You won’t be marrying just your fiancé, you’ll be marrying into his whole, toxic family and he has repeatedly shown you that he’s going to always take their side. Once you have children it will get worse. She is going to criticise everything you do and make you feel like an awful mum. You will not enjoy being a mum as this will be hanging over you at every step. You’ll be posting here asking if it’s fair that you have to take your weeks old baby to your ILs as much as you do or that your SIL takes your baby from you and doesn’t give them back when you ask and that your DP tells you to just leave it and that you’re being too sensitive.

DO NOT MARRY INTO THIS FAMILY.

BIWI · 09/03/2021 10:05

This ^ from @Lolapusht is what you're not listening to @AliceWonderland88

All your threads result in the same response to you - don't marry this man. The situation you find yourself in, and the treatment meted out to you by his family (and him) will only worsen when you marry.

GabsAlot · 09/03/2021 10:54

Op we're saying dont marry him-he doesnt have your back hes not supportive-youre going to be his family but hes not treating you as such

your other threads spell it out better what this family is like and what is expected of you are you ok with all that

jackstini · 09/03/2021 11:11

@AliceWonderland88 - have you ever recorded her and played it back to the rest of the family? I would 100% do this

As a separate issue - why on earth are you marrying this man?
He and all his family treat you like absolute shit - I feel awful that you even think this way of life is a future for you

Stop and think what your hopes and dreams actually are. Realise he is never going to help you make them come true

You are so much better than this

My first ever unequivocal - LTB

Meowchickameowmeow · 09/03/2021 11:19

@AliceWonderland88

BIWI - how do you mean? Please explain.
Don't be so obtuse. Marrying into this family will be an absolute nightmare, read the posts that you've made about your husband-to-be and his parents. Open your eyes to the misery you're in for.
RampantIvy · 09/03/2021 12:49

Please take in the excellent advice on here. A good husband has his wife's back when the family behave unreasonably and disrespectfully towards her. Your fiance is not doing this. He has never done this. If he respected you he would stand up for you.

You aren't just marrying one man. You will be marrying into this toxic family.

DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 09/03/2021 13:20

Let's get this straight.... you've only met this woman a few times and everytime she's managed to get you to the point of tears? She is now bad mouthing you to your own family?
Come on OP grow a bloody backbone and tell her to fuck off. Why is your husband not backing you up, is he a complete pushover aswell?
When it comes to family I'm generally a very easy going and forgiving person, but fuck this shit. This woman is basically a stranger and she's bullying you.
I wouldn't be marrying a man that allowed that to happen, and I would be having a word with myself for allowing ut to happen and she certainly wouldn't be coming to my wedding.

Elliania · 09/03/2021 14:33

@AliceWonderland88 Are you planning to have children? Imagine your son or daughter being sujected to this woman and their own father not stepping in to say anything. Do you want to be consoling your teenage DD because her auntie called her a slag & her Dad just shrugs and says "Just ignore her"? Is this the life you want? Because at the moment this is what you're heading for.

Lolapusht · 09/03/2021 14:46

[quote Elliania]@AliceWonderland88 Are you planning to have children? Imagine your son or daughter being sujected to this woman and their own father not stepping in to say anything. Do you want to be consoling your teenage DD because her auntie called her a slag & her Dad just shrugs and says "Just ignore her"? Is this the life you want? Because at the moment this is what you're heading for.[/quote]
@Elliania Not forgetting the potential for alienation! Will she try and take over any children as they’ll be half English so they’ll have to be absorbed into her culture OR will she openly despise them for being half English? Any children will be seeing a lot of her. What delightful things is she going to say or do to them? OP, do you want your children to be made to feel as bad as you do?

WaterOffADucksCrack · 09/03/2021 15:51

My partner would cut off anyone who spoke to me like that. Just like he would cut me off if I spoke to his friends or family like that.

Why are you marrying him? My advice is don't marry him. But since you seem adamant just get married with a few witnesses so there's no drama.

She wants to force meat down my throat until I choke. You nor your partner seem at all concerned that she's threatened your life.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 09/03/2021 15:57

I would refuse to invite her regardless of who she is. I won't have hateful people in my life.

RampantIvy · 09/03/2021 16:04

IMO this woman behave badly because everyone allows her to get away with it. Why?

Notusuallydown · 09/03/2021 16:53

It even maybe are that a rebellious teenager sides with SIL against you.

I forsee the possibility of you being controlled by his family because your DF doesn't want to protect you, leading to problems with self-respect and self confidence. Not a good place to be.

THINK HARD!!!!!!

WhereYouLeftIt · 09/03/2021 17:14

@AliceWonderland88

She lives in the UK and her sons are English. She usually talks to me like this when no one is around so it is relayed to my fiance by me. He just says to ignore her. I understand that people like this are just looking for attention so I don't give it to her. I say if you continue to talk to me like that I am going to hang up and when she continues I do. That only sparks her rumours about me more though. I have told my fiance I don't want her coming and just having her in the same room stresses me out but he says he doesn't want to upset anyone....I said he's upsetting me and he just got frustrated. His brother's family are all the family he has and it means the world to him to have them there. Luckily this nutter doesn't live near us but she still manages to be destructive in our lives.
Oh FFS - he's telling you how it's going to be. His brother comes first, you are way, way down in his priorities.

Marry him, and this is the rest of your life. Your choice - don't fuck it up.

CannotOperateOnThisFailure · 09/03/2021 17:23

Sounds like the most difficult wedding guest is actually going to be the bridegroom.

Do you really want the rest of your life to be like this?

GreatTeaMonkey · 09/03/2021 19:06

With all these threads you’ve started, what are you hoping for?

BIWI · 09/03/2021 19:53

I think she must be waiting for that one poster to come on and post in support of her fiancé and his family @GreatTeaMonkey - she's been posting long enough about him/them but no-one has come forward yet!

Nanny0gg · 09/03/2021 21:14

@AliceWonderland88

BIWI - how do you mean? Please explain.
I'd have thought it was pretty clear if you read all the posts...
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