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Original poster

How to deal with a difficult wedding guest?

276 replies

AliceWonderland88 · 05/03/2021 10:30

Hi Mumnetters,

My Fiance and I are due to get married this year and there is a specific guest that I am worried about. I am not a hateful person in the slightest but I do choose not to have certain people in my life and my Fiance's brother's wife is one of them. She spits nothing but hateful remarks and has the ability to ruin everyone's day wherever she goes. I have only seen her a number of times and she has managed to bring me to tears every time. I honestly do not want her to come but if she doesn't come she will stop his whole family from coming. How do I cope with her on the day? I want to enjoy it but she is determined to spoil it already. What should I do? Any advice would be very much appreciated

OP posts:
Notavegan · 05/03/2021 11:43

I wouldn't invite her. They will all thank you after the nasty divorce (hers, not yours).

TonTonMacoute · 05/03/2021 11:44

Try not to think about it any more, this is what gives her power over people. It will surely only reflect badly on her, not you.

To be honest, if someone came up to me at a wedding reception, and started spouting all that weird bile, I wouldn't be thinking 'Wow, the bride must be an awful person' I would be thinking 'How do I get away from this lunatic?'

VegetarianDeathCult · 05/03/2021 11:44

@theThreeofWeevils

If her behaviour is as you describe and if your fiancé's family don't mind / show solidarity with her & her husband, then they are not a family to marry into. If you ditch him, you need never see her or any of them again. Result.
I agree with this. It sounds violently racist and dysfunctional.
Todaytomorrowyesterday · 05/03/2021 11:46

Sadly it will come across as you have the issue if you don’t invite her.
We at the time of our wedding had no contact with my SIL (husbands sister) we still invited her and her partner, pressure from the parents who said if she wasn’t invited they wouldn’t come, my husband really did want his sister there. I was worried that a scene would be caused but it went well. Ironically we weren’t invited to hers - it was kept a big secret from us. It really hurt my husband and there’s no come back from that.
Years have passed and we now low contact with his family and she has said she regretted not inviting him - but what’s done is done.

HyacynthBucket · 05/03/2021 11:49

I would not have someone like this at my wedding.
What about this OP? You go and get married quietly now (as soon as possible) just the two of you with one or two witnesses, and use covid as excuse for not having more people at the ceremony. Then you revert to plan A with your 50 guests on the later date you were planning to be getting married, and have the party. It will then be less fraught for you when trying to avoid her, and you might even get away with not inviting her at all to that do as it won't be the actual wedding..

Angiemum24 · 05/03/2021 11:51

She needs help.
Tell you hubby to be this is not normal.

TonTonMacoute · 05/03/2021 11:52

I do agree with PPs, this is not just going to be a problem on your wedding day, this will affect your whole marriage!

Time to have a serious think and discussion with your fiancé.

starfishmummy · 05/03/2021 11:52

@AliceWonderland88

We are having 50 guests in total, and depending on COVID - potentially more in the evening. My Fiance spoke to his brother about her but he said if she doesn't come then none of them come. I can't not invite her that's his family.
Oir wedding was smaller tjan that and I still didnt get to talk to everyone so unless she stands uo to make an announcement then you should be able to ignore!!
thinkingaboutLangCleg · 05/03/2021 11:53

You brief a few trusted people to shield you from her for the entire day so you barely know she’s there

I agree. Also, be careful with your table plans. Make sure she and BIL are sitting with relatives who know them well, but also preferably not within earshot of anyone they could offend with snide comments.

CruisingBob · 05/03/2021 12:01

My first idea was for her invite to sadly have a misprint, two hours out, we said 14:00, the printers put 4pm, reprint with 2pm, what a terrible accident. May be a good friend could 'accidentaly have a 4pm on but discovered in time.

My second idea was run away!

HollowTalk · 05/03/2021 13:08

I'd seriously reconsider getting married, not just because she sounds absolutely nuts but because your fiance isn't dealing with the problem and his brother seems to be ignoring the fact there is a problem. I think you'll regret marrying him, I'm afraid.

Pandoraslastchance · 05/03/2021 13:08

@MatildaTheCat

You brief a few trusted people to shield you from her for the entire day so you barely know she’s there?
You should be able to buy this a service for weddings and funerals. Relative interception would make big bucks!!
tara66 · 05/03/2021 13:13

Why not have ''honest words'' with her??

TellingBone · 05/03/2021 13:14

If she's like this to everyone, as you say, why would they take her side?

MatildaTheCat · 05/03/2021 13:16

@Pandoraslastchance I’d quite enjoy hiring myself for this service it sounds quite entertaining 🤣.

Seriously, OP, if she’s a barmy as you describe then nobody is going to take the slightest notice of what she says. Your friends can and should do as I suggest even if they do want to enjoy their day. It’s your day, good friends will help out.

wsbts · 05/03/2021 13:17

This woman should be ashamed of herself sounds even if she has possible health issues of one sort or another. It is a pity that you have to invite her at all but you are in a difficult position family wise.

This is one occasion maybe that the volume of the music in the evening will need to be turned up to drown her out if she says anything until she leaves.

The other option that will require strength will be to confront her with your fiancé about her behaviour in advance of the wedding as if she does not get a chance to try and spoil things on the day she will after the wedding. I think that she simply need to told straight about what she has said about you or you could write to her and maybe shock her as the pen is mightier that the sword!

zzzooomwatcher · 05/03/2021 13:17

I know this seems dramatic but I would honestly reconsider getting married if this awful person is going to be in your life forever. Do BIL and SIL live near? Maybe if they are not local to you it would be ok. Why does your fiance not care that she is so nasty to you?

Spotsandstars · 05/03/2021 13:17

Sorry but this is not a good situation to be starting a marriage off right. You need to think so carefully about what you are attaching yourself to. It's not so much of a problem if you live far far away from her but anything less will ultimately lead to the destruction of your marriage if your dh won't stand up for you. Please think carefully

WhySoSensitive · 05/03/2021 13:17

I wouldn’t invite her. If the rest of the family then refuse to come it shows their loyalty to a difficult woman over you.

You’ll see everyone’s true colours. Hopefully the rest of them can be adults about it.

(Fwiw, I was in exactly the same situation with my dads girlfriend)

CurlsandCurves · 05/03/2021 13:21

@AliceWonderland88

I've called her out before but she turns the conversation against me and just screams in my face until I just walk away. I never let her see she affects me but she never stops. She's like this to everyone.

Nanbread - other than telling me she will put meat in my food she is telling other guests that I am a SLT, cheap and not paying for anything, that I don't like them and won't be inviting them, she says I am talking rubbish about my family and making me look like the bad person and that I am the one spreading rumours. She told me I rushed into marriage and that my fiance is an idiot for marrying me. She calls me a stupid blonde, has a go at me for simply not eating meat, not cooking and just being English lol. She said all English people are cts and sls and thinks I am too. She says she can't wait to see my cheap little wedding and that her wedding was better.She said she will have a word with my dad and tell him not to talk a sl*t like me down the isle. She wants to force meat down my throat until I choke..... etc....etc...None of this really bothers me but after spending ten minutes with her constant chipping - it gets to you - and it really is constant.

She’s going to tell your dad what now???

Let her crack on. If he’s any kind of father she won’t be at the wedding after saying that to him.

Nanny0gg · 05/03/2021 13:22

[quote AliceWonderland88]Thank you so much for the advice so far

Dozycuntlaters · 05/03/2021 13:22

I wouldn't have anyone at my wedding who spoke about me like that and if my partner was willing to invite them to keep the peace, well I wouldn't be marrying him. No way on this earth would she be coming to my wedding.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 05/03/2021 13:24

She is like this to everyone not just me

If that's the case, why would the whole family refuse to attend because of her? Surely they'd be glad to enjoy an event without her?

Flippyferloppy · 05/03/2021 13:24

@MatildaTheCat

You brief a few trusted people to shield you from her for the entire day so you barely know she’s there?
Yes, I've been briefed for friends' weddings twice before. Actually, on the day it went fine, both times. I think the people in question behaved because otherwise they would have made themselves look very stupid
Ughmaybenot · 05/03/2021 13:25

@Dozycuntlaters

I wouldn't have anyone at my wedding who spoke about me like that and if my partner was willing to invite them to keep the peace, well I wouldn't be marrying him. No way on this earth would she be coming to my wedding.
This!! I’d have had my bags packed and gone long before now. This is not a family you want to marry into, and your fiancé doesn’t have your back.