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Original poster

How to deal with a difficult wedding guest?

276 replies

AliceWonderland88 · 05/03/2021 10:30

Hi Mumnetters,

My Fiance and I are due to get married this year and there is a specific guest that I am worried about. I am not a hateful person in the slightest but I do choose not to have certain people in my life and my Fiance's brother's wife is one of them. She spits nothing but hateful remarks and has the ability to ruin everyone's day wherever she goes. I have only seen her a number of times and she has managed to bring me to tears every time. I honestly do not want her to come but if she doesn't come she will stop his whole family from coming. How do I cope with her on the day? I want to enjoy it but she is determined to spoil it already. What should I do? Any advice would be very much appreciated

OP posts:
CuteBear · 05/03/2021 13:40

@HollowTalk

I'd seriously reconsider getting married, not just because she sounds absolutely nuts but because your fiance isn't dealing with the problem and his brother seems to be ignoring the fact there is a problem. I think you'll regret marrying him, I'm afraid.
I agree. I wouldn’t want to marry a man who allows others to bully me. If he loves you then he should protect you! I would NOT invite this racist, cruel bully. Your fiancé and his parents need to have words with their other son and his “D”W. I wouldn’t want to marry into this family.
toomuchfaster · 05/03/2021 13:41

@MatildaTheCat

You brief a few trusted people to shield you from her for the entire day so you barely know she’s there?
This 100%. I had my DSis and 3 bridesmaids on alert for DH's horrible sister.
LongTimeMammaBear · 05/03/2021 13:43

In addition to briefing friends about her, to shut her down if she starts bad nothing you, and someone to help keep her away from you, I would also make the venue aware of her potential behaviour as well as giving the photographer strict instructions in the photos you’d like taken and not to do any other requests.

Same for any music/DJ.

Just keep your distance from her and ask your fiancé to also be on guard to keep her away from you.

Truly dread what future family gatherings will be like for you. Have you discussed this with your fiancé?

CoraPirbright · 05/03/2021 13:43

What do your PILs-to-be think of her? Could you appeal to them to ensure that you fiancés part of the family come to the wedding if she is not invited?

She sounds deranged. Does she live in the UK? How awful for her to be surrounded by so many cunts and sluts Hmm Grin

MeridianB · 05/03/2021 13:44

@AliceWonderland88

I've called her out before but she turns the conversation against me and just screams in my face until I just walk away. I never let her see she affects me but she never stops. She's like this to everyone.

Nanbread - other than telling me she will put meat in my food she is telling other guests that I am a SLT, cheap and not paying for anything, that I don't like them and won't be inviting them, she says I am talking rubbish about my family and making me look like the bad person and that I am the one spreading rumours. She told me I rushed into marriage and that my fiance is an idiot for marrying me. She calls me a stupid blonde, has a go at me for simply not eating meat, not cooking and just being English lol. She said all English people are cts and sls and thinks I am too. She says she can't wait to see my cheap little wedding and that her wedding was better.She said she will have a word with my dad and tell him not to talk a sl*t like me down the isle. She wants to force meat down my throat until I choke..... etc....etc...None of this really bothers me but after spending ten minutes with her constant chipping - it gets to you - and it really is constant.

What is the reaction and response of your DP and his brother when this happens? Any consequences?

Surely no one could get away with this behaviour more than once? And what makes the brother so sure the family will back him and her and not you two?

Most importantly, given this update I wouldn’t think twice about not inviting her and if your DP doesn’t step up now and defend you/deal with her then are you really sure you want to sign up for a lifetime of this? 💐

thenightsky · 05/03/2021 13:44

SIL: I'm going to put meat into your meal.
OP: I've already put laxatives into your first welcome drink and canape.

CuteBear · 05/03/2021 13:46

@thenightsky

SIL: I'm going to put meat into your meal. OP: I've already put laxatives into your first welcome drink and canape.
YES!Grin
TillyTopper · 05/03/2021 13:47

I wouldn't invite her if she's that nasty - or just elope and solve the whole problem!

Carefree1 · 05/03/2021 13:49

You honestly won’t particularly notice her on the day. When doing the table plan, put her somewhere out of your eye sight.

You have to invite her I’m afraid.

Theunamedcat · 05/03/2021 13:51

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Scottishskifun · 05/03/2021 13:51

Just don't engage with any of it.
Yes you have to invite them but when she starts just take the wind out of her sail will oh that's nice smile and walk away.
Don't retaliate don't get drawn into any conversation just change the topic but always with a smile.
It's hard for people to argue with themselves they soon stop as they aren't getting any reaction.

PyongyangKipperbang · 05/03/2021 13:51

As has been said, as much a DH2B problem as a SIL problem......

I would be rethinking marrying into this shit show, especially as your OH clearly has no intention of backing you up.

Scottishskifun · 05/03/2021 13:54

My brother also told me that he was going to bring a takeaway into our wedding as he didn't like vegetarian food...... Reality he didn't dare and I think a lot of her threats are her trying to get reactions out of you.

minniemoocher · 05/03/2021 13:56

If what you are saying is true, not exaggerated then you need to have a serious conversation with your fiancé about how life is going to be after you marry eg how much contact with his family?

I didn't get along with exh's db but as I only saw him at very rare family functions eg weddings and funerals it was a non issue (until he interfered with my marriage but to be honest with hindsight he did me a favour, got a better model nowGrin) but if they are the kind of family who expect to socialise weekly that's a whole different ball game!

An0n0n0n · 05/03/2021 13:56

Ok given she's so vocal this is easy. Let her shout at you like that in front of people. When she takes a breath tell her she isn't welcome at your wedding and walk away. Job done. No one can argue with that and if my DH didn't support me then there wouldn't be a wedding. End of.

Cuesday · 05/03/2021 13:57

Why on earth is your fiance's brother still married to her?

yomellamoHelly · 05/03/2021 13:57

At our wedding, we spoke to the people running the event beforehand (they were completely unphased by it), who made point of meeting him and doing a soothing "how we were looking forward to a peaceful happy celebration" spiel before they entered. Our best-man was also primed along with one of my brothers to remove them if need be.
In the event it was all bluster before the event and they didn't act up at all.

An0n0n0n · 05/03/2021 13:58

You're also taking a lot of ownership for decisions outside your control.

You control who is invited. Everyone else controls whether they attend. That's it, simple.

If DH isn't happy then he has a problem with their refusal to attend. Dont get blamed.

Eviethyme · 05/03/2021 13:58

I'm also wondering why your marrying a man who will allow a woman like that at his wedding? I would rather none of my family came than to allow someone to talk about my partner like that....

He doesn't sound like he's sticking up for you at all 😒

minniemoocher · 05/03/2021 13:59

The veggie thing is a bit different, I know people who have kicked up a fuss when there was no meat - not to the extent of threatening to put meat into the brides food but serious moaning (yes dad I'm thinking of you). My father actually left a wedding during the speeches to have a McDonald's once!

zzzooomwatcher · 05/03/2021 14:00

Like really what do you fiance and in-laws say when she starts going on about your being a slut etc Confused that is not normal behaviour.

missingeu · 05/03/2021 14:02

She appears to be threatened by you. Use this to your advantage.
Keep a few informed and ask them to manage as best they can.

Annoy her more, by having the best time ever and just keep smiling at her.

Congrats on your wedding.

GabsAlot · 05/03/2021 14:02

your fiance isnt very good here is he-its ok to try and sabotage your wedding and be racist but all he can say is ignore her?

AgathaX · 05/03/2021 14:04

The wedding is only the start of it. You're going to have her being a bitch to you for many, many years to come.

You either need to grow an extremely thick skin (easier said than done, I know), or reconsider whether this marriage is right for you.

harknesswitch · 05/03/2021 14:05

There is no way I'd have anyone at the wedding who spoke to me like that, if it means the rest of his family won't come, then so be it!

As for your soon to be dh, he needs to grow a backbone and back you up, if he's not doing it now, imagine what a life of hell you will be in when you start to have dc