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Original poster

How to deal with a difficult wedding guest?

276 replies

AliceWonderland88 · 05/03/2021 10:30

Hi Mumnetters,

My Fiance and I are due to get married this year and there is a specific guest that I am worried about. I am not a hateful person in the slightest but I do choose not to have certain people in my life and my Fiance's brother's wife is one of them. She spits nothing but hateful remarks and has the ability to ruin everyone's day wherever she goes. I have only seen her a number of times and she has managed to bring me to tears every time. I honestly do not want her to come but if she doesn't come she will stop his whole family from coming. How do I cope with her on the day? I want to enjoy it but she is determined to spoil it already. What should I do? Any advice would be very much appreciated

OP posts:
themoneypolice · 05/03/2021 14:05

Unless your fiancé is willing to cut her out of his life - and possibly his brother with her then please please please do not marry this man.

She has a problem with you because you're white, it will only get worse. Especially if your MIL sides with her.

Run a mile whilst you can

Merryoldgoat · 05/03/2021 14:07

I’ll be completely honest - I wouldn’t marry someone whose family put up with this shit. You’ll never be backed up, never be listened to and this arsehole will be pandered to.

You’ll have children who’ll be forced to socialise with her. She’ll poison them. Just no. Not a chance.

You don’t have to get on with all of your in laws but this is another level.

namechange7567785544 · 05/03/2021 14:07

Id sit her on the table with the children at the wedding

2bazookas · 05/03/2021 14:11

You won't even see her close up let alone hear her. She won't be at the altar with you. At the reception her seat at dinnertable will be distant form yours and she is not called upon to make a speech. At the rest of the reception you'll be dancing with male partners (not her).

You and the groom's entire attention will be focussed on yourselves. You'll hardly notice anybody else.

2020nymph · 05/03/2021 14:13

@MatildaTheCat

You brief a few trusted people to shield you from her for the entire day so you barely know she’s there?

I had a similar situation and did this. Nothing major happened in the day. We realised when we got the photos back they were missing from the group shots but that wasn't a bad thing!

mainsfed · 05/03/2021 14:15

She calls me a stupid blonde, has a go at me for simply not eating meat, not cooking and just being English lol. She said all English people are cts and sls and thinks I am too. She says she can't wait to see my cheap little wedding and that her wedding was better.She said she will have a word with my dad and tell him not to talk a slt like me down the isle. She wants to force meat down my throat until I choke..... etc....etc...None of this really bothers me but after spending ten minutes with her constant chipping - it gets to you - and it really is constant.

Really, none of this bothers you? Hmm.

ErickBroch · 05/03/2021 14:17

Why the fuck would you invite this woman to your wedding? Why wouldn't your family understand? If that is true, and they choose her over you despite such horrific behaviour, I wouldn't want them there anyway.

Keratinsmooth · 05/03/2021 14:18

How has she got this much power? Does she honestly think that her having a word with your Dad will convince him not to walk you down the aisle? Why has she got any contact with your family?

warmandtoasty2day · 05/03/2021 14:21

a regular friut loop.

fruitbrewhaha · 05/03/2021 14:22

How can you hide form her with only 50 people at the wedding?

Tell her she can't come. Honestly what do people expect? That you have to keep someone so nasty happy all the time. His family are enabling her. Either your DF tells his family she is not welcome to be a part of your lives or I would have some reservations about marrying him at all.

ViciousJackdaw · 05/03/2021 14:23

SIL is clearly ill. Not that I am excusing her behaviour at all but she does need help. Carrying all that anger around with you cannot be good for your health at all.

Don't invite her to the wedding. This is supposed to be the happiest day of your life, I hate to think of it being ruined. When asked, tell them that this is how things will be from now on until SIL gets help.

AcrossthePond55 · 05/03/2021 14:26

You need to think very carefully of 'life beyond the wedding'. Your soon to be DH's family will be in your life frequently, unless he consents to move far, far away. So that means this woman will be a pretty constant presence in your life.

Do you really want to deal with this woman's venom for the rest of your life, knowing that your own husband refuses to defend you or tell her to shut up? Can you imagine what this woman will be telling your children about you and your husband allowing her to get away with it?

I couldn't live like that.

occa · 05/03/2021 14:27

Unless your DF starts standing up for you against her you will regret marrying into this family.

Seriously, I would never in a million years marry someone who was so ok with letting a member of his family talk to and about me like that that they actually got invited to the wedding! No way.

1forAll74 · 05/03/2021 14:29

How will she be able to stop her family attending the wedding, surely they have their own opinions, and maybe know that this woman can cause trouble in the family. And can't your Husband to be's Brother control his wife at all.

Esspee · 05/03/2021 14:30

Sounds like your fiancé doesn’t support you, a very bad start to any marriage. I would be reconsidering in your position.

Shelby2010 · 05/03/2021 14:30

The woman sounds deranged. The ploys for heading off troublesome guests aren’t going to be enough if she’s already stirring.

How do you get on with future PIL? Are you sure they won’t come if you don’t invite her? She obviously doesn’t like you & doesn’t support your DP marrying you, so why would she want to come except to ruin it.

Tell your fiancé that she’s not coming & he needs to make his family understand that. Or don’t get married.

AlrightTreacle · 05/03/2021 14:30

She calls me a stupid blonde, has a go at me for simply not eating meat, not cooking and just being English lol. She said all English people are cts and sls and thinks I am too. She says she can't wait to see my cheap little wedding and that her wedding was better.She said she will have a word with my dad and tell him not to talk a slt like me down the isle. She wants to force meat down my throat until I choke..... etc....etc...None of this really bothers me but after spending ten minutes with her constant chipping - it gets to you - and it really is constant.

Really? She said all this to you, and you didn't say anything back/your future husband didn't? Hope this is a wind up. I wouldn't invite anyone like this to my wedding, but I also wouldn't marry anyone who took her side over mine.

LittleMimi · 05/03/2021 14:33

Given your descriptions of what she’s done and how she behaves she sounds beyond just a difficult guest. I’ve been to weddings where people say mean things behind the bride’s back etc but she seems on another level. I personally wouldn’t want her at the wedding and if the rest of the family wouldn’t come because of that then that’s their business. It’s awkward but you can’t allow people to treat you or others like that.

What is your fiancé doing / feeling about it?

StellaStarfleet · 05/03/2021 14:34

My friend married in to a family with one of those types so she assigned me and another bridesmaid to keep the woman under control for the day. We had to step in and shut her down a lot but it stopped her making any scenes or ruining anything for the couple. Do you have anyone tough and no nonsense who could do that?

PanamaPattie · 05/03/2021 14:35

This reply has been deleted

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Notaroadrunner · 05/03/2021 14:35

I agree with many of the other posters who have said not to marry into this family. If they all put up with it and allow and condone her behaviour by not shutting her down, then you are letting yourself in for a life of hell with them.

WhereYouLeftIt · 05/03/2021 14:37

@AliceWonderland88

We are having 50 guests in total, and depending on COVID - potentially more in the evening. My Fiance spoke to his brother about her but he said if she doesn't come then none of them come. I can't not invite her that's his family.
Could the red flags being waving any faster? I don't think so. Personally, I would reconsider marrying into this family.

Think about it - you've been told to put up and shut up. This family will allow your fiance's SIL to do as she damned well pleases. You will always be subordinate to her in their eyes. She will treat you like shit and they will stand by and watch. Nobody will take your side, not even your fiance. Indeed, your fiance has already started on that path with his 'just ignore her' line. Is it possible to ignore someone who screams in your face? No, of course it isn't. And if you have told him what you have written here about her behaviour, and he still holds the 'just ignore her' line - he's a total fucking waste of space. He'd rather you be treated like this than be less than obedient to his brother's wishes. He's making it perfectly clear to you where you are in the pecking order and it is at the very bottom.

You've listed a whole lot of shit this woman has done to you - how much of it has been witnessed by your fiance and/or his brother? And if the answer to that isn't 'absolutely zero' then I reiterate, reconsider marrying into this family or it won't just be your wedding at risk, it will be your entire marriage. And once you have children you'll be tied to this entire family forever.

LifeExperience · 05/03/2021 14:38

Her behavior is abysmal and the entire family, including your fiance, refuses to call her out and just puts up with it
Run, run and don't look back. You will regret marrying into this much dysfunction.

SakuraEdenSwan1 · 05/03/2021 14:40

Why would you invite someone you do not like to your wedding? I do not care who it is or how they are related, I doubt any large weddings will go ahead anyway, just inform you are lowering the numbers after Covid to be careful. All this dodging her etc is just silly.

AlrightTreacle · 05/03/2021 14:43

Also OP, from reading your other threads, your husband really needs to grow a backbone and stick up for you when the female members of his family are having a go at you. Marrying into this family sounds like a miserable and lonely place to be tbh.