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Original poster

How to deal with a difficult wedding guest?

276 replies

AliceWonderland88 · 05/03/2021 10:30

Hi Mumnetters,

My Fiance and I are due to get married this year and there is a specific guest that I am worried about. I am not a hateful person in the slightest but I do choose not to have certain people in my life and my Fiance's brother's wife is one of them. She spits nothing but hateful remarks and has the ability to ruin everyone's day wherever she goes. I have only seen her a number of times and she has managed to bring me to tears every time. I honestly do not want her to come but if she doesn't come she will stop his whole family from coming. How do I cope with her on the day? I want to enjoy it but she is determined to spoil it already. What should I do? Any advice would be very much appreciated

OP posts:
SpiceRat · 05/03/2021 13:25

@Hoppinggreen

I would not be getting married to a man who allowed a member of his family to treat me like that.
This with big massive huge fucking bells on!
Notapheasantplucker · 05/03/2021 13:26

First thought - Don't invite her
After reading your last post - why are you marrying a man who is allowing this to happen?

Puzzledandpissedoff · 05/03/2021 13:26

Why isn't your fiancé banning her?
This is not a promising start

Yes, and this ^^

If he's a "Oh it's just what they're like", cancel think very carefully about going ahead

1WayOrAnother2 · 05/03/2021 13:27

Actually employ someone to mind her on the day? (Or a swat-team of nanny-prison-guards? )

It sounds easier (and much less distressing) to lose that part of the family altogether.

Sceptre86 · 05/03/2021 13:27

If she behaves that way with everyone why would they support her and not you? I would be quite frankly with my oh and not invite her if that means the rest of his family don't come then that is their loss. Would your op be supportive of this or not? She isn't going to get any less toxic and you don't need a bitch like that in your life. I have a jealous, toxic sil and keep having to be in her company at the absolute minimum. It has affected dh's relationship with his brother but only because they are both too busy or lazy to pick up the phone and arrange to meet up together.

diddl · 05/03/2021 13:28

So the whole of his side if the family would side with her against you because you are English & they aren't?

And would your fiance be willing to not have them at hos wedding/not see them or would he turn it all against you as he would still want to see his family?

DemelzaRobins · 05/03/2021 13:28

Don't invite her. This is beyond an annoying relative - she's nasty and vicious and she's bullying you.

If your fiance won't support you in this then you need to seriously consider whether you want to marry a man who won't stand up to his family for you.

DH and I are both veggie and had a veggie wedding, much to some family members chagrin (we paid for it ourselves). Despite the fact that some people weren't happy no-one threatened to bring meat or put it in our meals. Honestly this woman sounds horrendous.

1WayOrAnother2 · 05/03/2021 13:29

Why is your fiance not defending you from such unhinged behaviour from relations of his?

What else won't he defend you from in future?

Muminabun · 05/03/2021 13:29

Op she is clearly mentally unwell. I don’t think you have a sil problem I think you have a dh problem. Sorry but if he is ok with this racist
abuse toward you then you need to step back and reassess the relationship.

Brefugee · 05/03/2021 13:30

Yeah - I wouldn't be marrying into that family.

Mind you, second time she screamed in my face I'd have punched her in the throat.

LagunaBubbles · 05/03/2021 13:31

This woman sounds insane, but it concerns me why your future DH isn't sorting this out.

thinkingaboutLangCleg · 05/03/2021 13:31

OMG, I posted before reading your update about how abusive this woman is. I would be seriously reconsidering marrying into a family where everyone (including your DH) accepts this behaviour towards you.

Darkstar4855 · 05/03/2021 13:31

I would not be marrying a man who could stand by and watch his family member direct horrendous verbal and racist abuse like that at me. I certainly wouldn’t be having someone who behaved like that at my wedding.

Pippa234 · 05/03/2021 13:31

I wouldn't invite her, if his family don't come then that's their choice.
Your partner should be backing you up on this.

DemelzaRobins · 05/03/2021 13:32

Also, if she's like this now imagine how it will be when children are involved?

Do you need nasty comments about your diet when pregnant? Because I can imagine she's the type to say you're harming your baby.

When baby is born do you need her nasty comments? On your baby's dual heritage, on how you parent baby? About your child's diet (especially if you raise them veggie).

If I had a relative who bullied my DH they would be gone from my life.

MotherofTerriers · 05/03/2021 13:35

I wouldn't invite her and I wouldn't marry into a family who expected me to put up with this or marry a man who didn't stand up for me and stop it

isadorapolly · 05/03/2021 13:35

I think if you can’t I invite her then you need to grow a pair and tell her to stop saying stupid things. People treat you how you allow them to.

Meowchickameowmeow · 05/03/2021 13:35

I honestly would think very long and very hard about marrying into this family. This is going to be your life now and however much you claim this doesn't bother you eventually it will.
She's a racist lunatic who's only going to get worse and it sounds like your future husband won't stand up for you.

Pippa234 · 05/03/2021 13:35

Wooow my post was before I read about how racist and abusive she is!
I wouldn't marry my partner let alone have her and his family there, they sound awful going along with her vile, racist behaviour.

isadorapolly · 05/03/2021 13:36

And yes what @MotherofTerriers said! Why isn’t your fiancée sticking up for you and how can your in laws let you be treated like this? I know mine wouldn’t.

CattyCactus · 05/03/2021 13:38

@AliceWonderland88

I've called her out before but she turns the conversation against me and just screams in my face until I just walk away. I never let her see she affects me but she never stops. She's like this to everyone.

Nanbread - other than telling me she will put meat in my food she is telling other guests that I am a SLT, cheap and not paying for anything, that I don't like them and won't be inviting them, she says I am talking rubbish about my family and making me look like the bad person and that I am the one spreading rumours. She told me I rushed into marriage and that my fiance is an idiot for marrying me. She calls me a stupid blonde, has a go at me for simply not eating meat, not cooking and just being English lol. She said all English people are cts and sls and thinks I am too. She says she can't wait to see my cheap little wedding and that her wedding was better.She said she will have a word with my dad and tell him not to talk a sl*t like me down the isle. She wants to force meat down my throat until I choke..... etc....etc...None of this really bothers me but after spending ten minutes with her constant chipping - it gets to you - and it really is constant.

I’m not normally one for advocating partner back-up / interference. But I think this situation merits it. So what does your fiancé have to say about the above? As other posters have said, I’d have quite big reservations about marrying into a family with a future SIL like this if your fiancé isn’t defending you, Tbh. Because she sounds like an absolute fucking nightmare.
Bagamoyo1 · 05/03/2021 13:38

I find this very confusing. When she talks like this, what do your future in-laws say? Do they think she’s joking? Surely no one lets her say you’re a slut and your wedding is going to be crap, without challenging her?

MzHz · 05/03/2021 13:39

@Hoppinggreen

I would not be getting married to a man who allowed a member of his family to treat me like that.
This is actually the stance to take

Why are you getting married? You don’t need a massive wedding to get hitched and if you don’t nail this down now, you’re in for a world of issues

Either don’t host such a big event, or tell her and her h that she’s not going to be invited and if the rest of the family feel that this woman should be allowed to scream at you etc etc, then they aren’t welcome either and it’s great that you’ll be saving so much on the reception

EggBobbin · 05/03/2021 13:39

Why on earth do you want to pay for dinner for this awful woman, doubtless just to have her be rude about it too...

Porcupineintherough · 05/03/2021 13:40

Who has told you that his family wont attend if she diesnt? Have his parents said this, have his siblings?