To expect my 10 year old to make his own breakfast??

[Blueuggboots]

My 10 year old tells me what he wants for breakfast every morning and then expects it to magically appear in front of him.
He is capable of making toast, beans on toast, scrambled egg, cereal including porridge in the microwave but does require support with the grill which I am happy to provide.
When I tell him to make it himself (which I've been doing for well over a year!!) he gets really shirty.
Would you expect your 10 year old to do this for themselves?

@DuesToTheDirt

I'm amazed at the amount of people cooking breakfast tbh. In our house it's toast or cereal and that's it. At the weekend we might push the boat out and have porridge or pancakes, once in a blue moon. Scrambled eggs, beans on toast, sausages, never unless we're staying in a hotel and they're making it.

Yeah same, at the weekend maybe one of the days we'll have something cooked but it's usually only me and DH who will want that, the kids (when I say kids, they're an older teen and young adult) still prefer cereal anyway

My DD makes her own random meals sometimes. Today whilst making herself breakfast she's shouts out if I want a cup of tea.

I felt like I'd won at parenting

@Ilovemaisie

Templetree ok I apologise for saying that many mumsnetters seem to be man haters. I am just going by many many threads I have read - usually found in AIBU. Maybe I will stick to different threads like ones about books and hobbies and cats from now on.

Aibu is not really the best place to get a balanced view of relationship issues.

Dont shy away from womens rights.
It sounds to me like internalised misogyny to sneer and dismiss other women or you simply have no idea of the struggles some women face.
Please educate yourself .

Templetree I know plenty about other women's struggles. You know nothing about me and my life and the other people in my life.
Don't be so rude by telling me to "educate myself".

@Ilovemaisie

Templetree I know plenty about other women's struggles. You know nothing about me and my life and the other people in my life. Don't be so rude by telling me to "educate myself".

If you were educated and understanding of the struggles other women face you wouldnt come out with such dismissive tripe that we are all manhaters. I havent been rude, just called you out and you didnt like it

Anyway back to this thread.
Its vital that we start when children are young to prevent the lazy and incapable behaviours later on.
They are perfectly capable of getting their own breakfast and clearing it up at 10 and its a great start to getting them into making choices about food etc

Oh for pity's sake - I made a tongue in cheek comment !
I wasn't dismissing anybody who is in a genuine bad relationship.

@Ermidunno, you’re assuming they will go to nursery or wraparound care. It is not my intention to send my children to paid childcare that I would have to work to be able to afford for them.

As for preparing them for independence once at uni age (if they choose to follow that path in life - not everyone does), they will be involved in meal prep when they’re older but will not be expected to prepare any meals for themselves at an age where the expectation is that they are too young to be left at home without adult supervision.

@PricklesAndSpikes, I will be involving them in learning independence throughout their childhood but not expecting it at 10 years old!!

As for preparing them for independence once at uni age (if they choose to follow that path in life - not everyone does), they will be involved in meal prep when they’re older but will not be expected to prepare any meals for themselves at an age where the expectation is that they are too young to be left at home without adult supervision.

@Rememberallball I know on mumsnet dc are still held in with baby gates at 17 but in real life majority of 10 year olds I know are left for short times at home without adult supervision. Most people realise the importance of baby steps and preparing them for greater freedom (as will usually come age 11 when they start high school) I think the making of a simple breakfast is a similar step to leaving them for 20 minutes while you pop to a shop. It's far better to gradually and naturally acquire these skills rather than suddenly be forced to learn when they become a necessity. In my situation I'm a single working parent and the fact dc are able to get their own decent breakfast is a huge help in the mornings. They also make lunches sometimes and love to help with more complex evening meals (however this is never expected, I'll be encouraging them to take their turn in a couple of years though)

My dd made her own breakfast from 7, they need to learn life skills so you should put your foot down.

@sweetnessnfight oh I do put my foot down, it just gets a bit irritating when it's every flipping day!!

I have to admit I find this all odd as we always had three sit down meals a day as a family. There would be some child involvement - we would pick and pour our own cereal, butter the communal toast/crumpet pile etc and lunches we would help move stuff from fridge to table, prep salads etc and dinner we would peel vegetables and the like, but even now as a returning 30yr old even as a teenager my parents would be 'making' the meals. DF would make porridge (in a saucepan with lots of stirring), be in charge of the grill/toaster, DM makes dinner and lunch would 9/10 be a picnic style lunch of Italian meats and cheeses and breads etc.

It certainly never made me lazy, I love to cook now, and it hasn't a)made me expect someone else to do it for me or b)made me a general skiv.

Meal times are for family! Even my DH and I will sit and eat together for every meal we are both in the house for. It wouldn't occur to me to make a sandwich for myself and not for him, or vice versa!

Who is going to wait on him when you are not here - his wife/girlfriend? This needs to be nipped in the bud now or he will be an entitled demanding man and will not make a decent husband.
I didn't mind making my son a cooked breakfast at the weekend for a treat but during the week I expected him to sort his own breakfast out.

My 11yo has done cereal for years. Toast and similar for a couple years and actual cooking of things like omelette since the lockdowns and she actually had time to, rather than having the rush for school bus. At 10yo I’d expect them to at least get a simple breakfast of cereal on a busy morning but might make them something for a brunch on a weekend or quiet day.

[quote ElijahsMoon]**@Flyingf1edgelings* I have tried but he lacks common sense even though he gets all A grades at school.*

this is exactly my son! i saw the dr a few years ago as he was extremely clever but would do things like walk outside and then take 5 minutes to realize he had no shoes on. Or put his sisters (pink) coat on instead of his (black) one and not realize. Just bizarre behaviour. The DR basically told me to suck it up and said sometimes clever children have "more important" things going on in their heads and overlook the trivial day to day mundane things. He has got better with time but finds "everyday" activities very difficult.[/quote]
...and in 20 year time there'll be a post on Mumsnet saying my husband can't do the most basic of tasks and people will say "can he hold down a job" and the answer will be " yes but was never taught how to do practical things because he was just too clever!"

I think I am lucky that ds loves making his own. He has been making his own lunches (salad or sandwiches) in lockdown too.

I usually make overnight oats the night before, but when they look in the fridge and don't see any they know they are to make their own breakfast, cereal and toast. Children are 10 and 7. They've never made a fuss about it. DS10 has made most of the lunches this lockdown too. It's nice because when I do make it he is more appreciative. Havent started him on dinners yet ha.

Meal times are for family!

What has that got to do with a child preparing a meal? DS10 has made most of the lunches in lockdown, we still sit together and eat lunch but it's been his responsibility most of the time.

I mostly make my Ds -(13) he has Adhd and trying to get him dressed and eating breakfast is challenge enough so no I don’t have the strength not to make it. He does it on a weekend though and cooks full meals.

I certainly wouldn’t be offering a choice though

My oldest is 13 and youngest 10, they still like me to make their breakfast, I think it's more about the attention than the actual breakfast because they're capable of cooking an elaborate meal if they want to! It's a little annoying to not get a lie in at the weekend when they come charging in asking for breakfast, but I don't really mind!

Meal times are for family! Even my DH and I will sit and eat together for every meal we are both in the house for. It wouldn't occur to me to make a sandwich for myself and not for him, or vice versa!

I'm going to assume you had a traditional family set up and perhaps a stay at home parent in the house? We eat together whenever we can, pretty much every evening meal, a weekend lunch but being a single working parent with pets, who has to leave the house at 7.50 I don't have time for breakfast at all let alone to prepare it as a sit down family meal.

My oldest is 13 and youngest 10, they still like me to make their breakfast, I think it's more about the attention than the actual breakfast because they're capable of cooking an elaborate meal if they want to! It's a little annoying to not get a lie in at the weekend when they come charging in asking for breakfast, but I don't really mind!

I bet they do you might not mind but think you should seriously question the independence you're not instilling in them. "Charging in asking for breakfast" is the behaviour of a 3 year old, not 13. Take a look at the relationships board if you want to see what the future ramifications can be.

@midnightstar66
Traditional family with mom and dad in the house yes, but definitely no stay at home parents! Just a very strict view of family time. Whatever time the earliest person had to leave, the rest of the family was up and eating breakfast in time for that. Same for coming home for dinner.
My DH leaves for work at 5.30am so I don't get up and have breakfast with him now, but even when I was coming home at 9pm we would eat dinner together.
I don't think my parents have eaten separately (except if away on business) their entire married lives. Families have different priorities I guess, I was just surprised to see how unusual the concept of eating separately is - even when people are in the house together.

My goodness. If my children came barging in at 10 and 13 demanding breakfast they’d be given short sharp shrift.

When my kids were aged about 7 to 8 (Year 3), the school had a parents welcome evening. In that they asked that the parents stop doing certain things for the children as the school encouraged independent thinking / more responsibility around these ages. They also equivocally stated that (despite what parents thought), at these ages the children were more than capable of learning certain skills. Learning difficulties to one side. The reason they did this (in their words) was they saw that learning these basic skills around these ages stood them in really good stead for the rest of their school lives (especially in secondary where there was less time/ support and children who took more responsibility for themselves thrived).

The skills they asked us to not intervene on were the signing of the weekly planners (children should bring them to the parents). And packing of games kits. They said that what usually would happen is that nearly all the children would forget / not correctly pack something and in the first weeks the school would be flexible and reiterate it was their responsibility that kits were checked and planners signed. After that, it went against their ‘points’ system (I.e a deduction for the student).

Genius. There was forgotten kit and planners (as they said their would be), but within a month kits were getting checked and packed the night before. Planners got signed.

Independence and teaching children to take care of their responsibilities is far from neglectful. I would go the opposite way and say it’s a critical part of teaching children that the world does not revolve around their needs and that the world is not there to cater to their every whim (waking a parent demanding they get their breakfast on a weekend? Really? I’d hit the roof).

Fast forward years later and I never have to say a word. School bags / work bags (pre covid) are packed the night before by each person. I’ve not had to check a bag/ look for anything for years.

So making breakfast/ food prep? That’s so basic it’s not even funny.

My DH leaves for work at 5.30am so I don't get up and have breakfast with him now, but even when I was coming home at 9pm we would eat dinner together.

Does this mean then that you aren't eating with your dc? Or are you keeping them up til 10pm so they can eat with you at 9? Personally I prioritise us all getting enough sleep over being up at an ungodly time to be able to eat breakfast together at the table.