To expect my 10 year old to make his own breakfast??

[Blueuggboots]

My 10 year old tells me what he wants for breakfast every morning and then expects it to magically appear in front of him.
He is capable of making toast, beans on toast, scrambled egg, cereal including porridge in the microwave but does require support with the grill which I am happy to provide.
When I tell him to make it himself (which I've been doing for well over a year!!) he gets really shirty.
Would you expect your 10 year old to do this for themselves?

@Ermidunno Did you even read my post properly?
I asked a question - when does it go from teaching independence to being neglect/young carers as some of the posts are sad to read. You say your kids have food and clean bowls - so what happens if you’ve not been shopping or done the washing up does that count as neglect - obviously not. Use some common sense.

@PricklesAndSpikes

Since you didn't quote any particular post I was replying to what seemed a generalisation to posters saying they had taught their children to make their own breakfast.

Maybe learn to read - I said some of the posts are sad to read so how is that making a generalisation? I also said my DD gets her own food. But at 6 I wouldn’t sleep in whilst she was making her own breakfast alone.

Luckily you don’t have my job as I would be seriously worried if you read someone saying they had become disabled and struggled to do things so their children had to do them instead - that is literally the definition of a young carer. A young carer could simply be someone who has a disabled sibling and helps out every now and then. Or if their parent has depression.

@toocold54 if you work with neglect then surely you know where the line is as do I. I’m sure you don’t need me clarifying what neglect is.

About cereal - do anyone else’s children pour way too much milk in? I still pour in for 9 year old otherwise he fills up to the brim. I wouldn’t mind if he drank it but the excess milk gets poured down the sink.

I wouldn't necessarily expect a 10yo of mine to do it everyday because I'm a control freak and like to know what they're eating but I wouldn't take shittiness from a 10yo about anything. If I asked them to make their own breakfast I'd expect them to do it without any question.

What's he like with other requests?

When he appears for breakfast just breezily say ' you know where everything is so I'll let you get on' & then disappear from the room. If he's hungry, he'll get breakfast. Maybe be prepared for shirty revenge mess but make him clear up after himself. I think I may have poured milk on cereal for a good few years but DS used to happily sort out his cereal from v young...

I think they need to know how to cook etc before they leave home but didn’t expect my primary aged children to have to make their own breakfast or lunch. They are children for such a short period of time and have many years ahead as an adult of responsibilities.

Independent skills for when they live alone are of course needed but I think children should be free to be children and not have to do things parents should be doing for them.

My 10 and 8 yo have been making their own breakfast for a while now - only toast or cereal. They can bake cakes solo too because I neglect them to my advantage.

I think the biggest difference here is if breakfast is treated as a family meal or not.

@caringcarer

I like to send 14 year old off to school with a cooked breakfast. Sausages, bacon, hash brown tomatoes and egg. I cook it for him. He packs fishes into dishwasher. He can cook but I tend to do breakfast for all who want it.

I want to live in your house. Do you do black pudding too?

I think with children it is a question of gradually letting go from total dependence in a newborn to a 20 something leaving home. We owe it to them to encourage independence at every stage. It is our judgement, as adults and as their parents, to decide how much is appropriate.

So yes, in my view a ten year should be able to make their own (simple) breakfast, as long as there is appropriate supervision with knives and cookers. Along with this supervision they should be aware of the need to clear up afterwards and to let the buyer of food know when stocks are running low.

Later on the teen ager/young adult they will become, will be grateful for the life skills they will have learnt!

My dds go downstairs by themselves and help themselves to breakfast. They’re 9 and 11. They make their lunches the night before. They know where everything is kept and what they like.
They know how to make toast, heat beans in the microwave and make a cup of tea.
Mine will never starve

Definitely. My 8, 9 and 11 year old’s have been making breakfast for themselves for years.

My 9 yo makes herself and her brother breakfast most days. Not unreasonable at all.

Hmmm I’ll go against the consensus and say it’s ok to make a 10 year old breakfast. Children need to learn independence absolutely but it’s ok to still do things for them.

Agree 100% with Thomasina79

I would expect a 10 year old to be able to make their own toast/cereal if necessary but I also don't think there's any harm in making them breakfast of they arent quite ready for that step. You say he can cook so there's no concern he can't fend for himself

My mum actually did a lot for me growing up, she made most meals, did most of the washing etc. I would voluntarily help but she rarely, if ever asked me to. I'm not saying this was right, but I did not struggle to work the washing machine or feed myself or pay my bills when I left home. Adults who can't do these things dont do them because they are lazy and can't be bothered, not because their mum didn't teach them.

@lovepickledlimes, no, breakfast isn't treated as a family meal, but dinner time in the evening most certainly is. We all sit together and chat about the day but mornings are a tad more hectic!! 🤣🤣

Mine got trained around 6/7 to make me a decent cuppa! They now make their own breakfast and lunch. Dc9 can use a microwave and toaster with ease. They don’t do a huge amount around the house but keeping their rooms tidy, making their own breakfast, and clearing up, I insist on.

My DS8 used to make his own cereal when we was 5 or 6 but now mainly refuses to. He has no interest in trying to learn anything self sufficient like toast or anything more complex! It's not great at he has ADHD so needs to have eaten before/with his meds and is a complete nightmare before them, so I have to make sure he's fed pretty sharpish if I want a harmonious morning. I envy everyone's kids who are making toast and eggs and doing simple chores!

Mine is 12 but she has autism and isn't very independent in general so yes I make her breakfast.
I don't understand a lot of the Mumsnet trend of people expecting their children (and husband's) to do things like their clothes washing separately. In my house dirty clothes go in the laundry bin, when it's full it goes in the machine. Sometimes put in by me, sometimes husband. We certainly don't separate between 'this is my washing, this is yours'. I don't have room for 3 different laundry bins !
We are a family and we just do things together or whoever is there to do what needs to be done when it needs to be done.

@Ilovemaisie I haven’t seen anyone on here saying everyone washes their clothes separately!
In my house, laundry is a collective responsibility.
My eldest can load the machine/ start it.
All can empty it and hang out the washing.

They don’t have to wash their clothes. Anymore than I have to wash mine.

I’ll repeat what I said upthread. I’m a mum. Not a maid. And (excluding conditions like autism), most children by 10 are more than capable of pulling their weight and doing basic chores in their home.

@toocold54

When does it go from teaching independence to becoming a young carer/neglect.

I am all for kids learning life skills but some of these posts are quite sad actually.

Which posts suggest neglect to you? I can't find any.

@AtticusF1nch

I buck the trend of everyone on MN insisting their kids make their own meals from the age of about 3.

My youngest is 14. I make his meals. Why not? I work from home, I have plenty of time, I'm making food anyway ... he's pleasant and polite etc etc and when I can't make it , he does

So there's no rights or wrongs. If you don't want to make breakfast for your 10 year old then that's your choice. Like all parenting decisions

I agree.

DD (12) goes to school at 8am and is often back at 5pm.

She has such a long day and so many exams (in Spain) that I make everything for her to make her life easier.

I have the time though. She makes her own breakfast at weekends.

It's interesting that one of the burdens of young carers that often comes up is having to make their own breakfast every morning.
Sure a 10yo should be able to make themselves some food if their parent isn't able to, but I don't see why that means they should have to take on the responsibility of making their own breakfast every morning if they don't want to.

Making a bowl of cereal or toast is about the easiest of all the household chores I think a 10 year old could be doing and probably one of the most beneficial for their future independence. To make comparisons to the often sad situations of young carers is really stretching.