To expect my 10 year old to make his own breakfast??

[Blueuggboots]

My 10 year old tells me what he wants for breakfast every morning and then expects it to magically appear in front of him.
He is capable of making toast, beans on toast, scrambled egg, cereal including porridge in the microwave but does require support with the grill which I am happy to provide.
When I tell him to make it himself (which I've been doing for well over a year!!) he gets really shirty.
Would you expect your 10 year old to do this for themselves?

Interesting development this morning!
He asked me for help to make an omelette and said "if get the ingredients ready, please will you help me with the cooking part because I burned it last time"......
So he prepped it all and I just helped him with the heat of the hob. I don't mind doing doing that!!

@Notabove25 - depends what sort of mood he's in! Sometimes he'll do everything I ask immediately and other times you'd think I'd asked him to spoon his eyes out with a rusty spoon.......

I don't trust them with cereal, they pour too much milk in and waste loads!
Toast etc is fine.

Sorry going against the feain but jings 5 and 6 years old making breakfast. Jings .no I always made breakfast even up to high school age gets them going in morning. As teenagers if they wanted to sort themselves at weekend fair enough .but primary school no chance would i have let them

My 4 yr old, 5 yr old and 7 yr old get their own breakfasts most mornings. They even put out breakfast for their 2 yr old sister.

We've always tried hard to enable them to do the things they can for themselves as a rule. We do LOTs for them. And sometimes I'll do it because I like looking after them, but I wouldn't tolerate them demanding I do things for them they can do themselves.

You need to sit your 10yr old down and clearly explain what is expected of him as a 10yr old. I'd be very conscious of raising another man who expects to be waited on.

Sassbott really? Every thread on here about clothes washing has "why are you doing your husband's/teens washing" as a standard response.

@howaboutchocolate

I wouldn't want my child thinking that people doing stuff for them is how others show love for them and carrying that into their relationships in later life

So you never offer to make your partner a cup of tea even though they're perfectly capable of doing it themselves?

It's not about always expecting to have things done for you as an act of love/care, but just pointing out that to a child who is suddenly told "I'm not doing that for you any more, do it yourself" can have more of an emotional response to it than you'd expect. Which is why I suggested easing them into the idea.

The resistance to it from the OPs 10yo could just be him reacting to it emotionally, since it seems like he's capable of doing it himself.

I never said that I would just wake up one morning and say "Right today is the day you make you're own breakfast forever" Obviously it would be a gradual process of showing them how. And yes of course I do things for my DH/children, it's just the way your post read to me was like, making them meals is how you show them love and they will be upset and think you don't love them if you expect them to make their own breakfast most days because that's teaching them independence imo but if I misunderstood your post then I apologise

@Ilovemaisie well that would probably be my response if a poster was on here stating that they do all the grunt work and feel like a slave to teens/ men who must be more than capable of working a washing machine. Or looking at what jobs need doing.

Context is everything.

But if I suddenly started to wash only my clothes, then it would be because my children were lazy oiks and it was my way of making them actually pull their weight. Sometimes respect has to be demanded if people are too lazy to learn.

Sassbott I think we must be reading different threads . It seems to be the ultimate sin to do your husband's washing - and oh the shock and horror if you pick up a birthday card for yourself mother in law because "that's his family not yours".
I read that all the time. I find those posts a mix of hilarious and sad at the same time.

your mother in law not yourself

@likeafishneedsabike

About cereal - do anyone else’s children pour way too much milk in? I still pour in for 9 year old otherwise he fills up to the brim. I wouldn’t mind if he drank it but the excess milk gets poured down the sink.

I used to fill up little jugs for them to pour when they were tiny, or he could pour a glass of milk and tip from there onto his cereal, or use a bowl with a pattern inside and agree he pours to a particular line. My son still makes porridge with a weighing scales - his choice not mine. Find ways round the blockers. Even if it seems daddy for now, it won't last forever.

OP mine have been doing their own from much younger BUT I think the difference in your family is that you do more actual cooking for breakfast. If my 2 were eating omelettes or sausages or beans for breakfast then I think I'd still be doing it for them most days. Apart from anything else, it would generate an enormous amount of washing up if we all cooked separately. As it is, it's just bowls of cereal or toast so no need for me to do it. We do all wash up our own stuff after breakfast too.

My daughter is a YC but this is because of her brother's emotional needs, not because she has to wash up her own breakfast bowl at 14. I do agree it's important to keep ticking that "nurturing" box even as they get older, but breakfast is only 1 meal of the day.

@Ilovemaisie

Sassbott I think we must be reading different threads . It seems to be the ultimate sin to do your husband's washing - and oh the shock and horror if you pick up a birthday card for yourself mother in law because "that's his family not yours". I read that all the time. I find those posts a mix of hilarious and sad at the same time.

Read the 100s of threads about women who are drowning in work/ childcare and housework. While lazy men prioritise their hobbies and gaming. You are exaggerating-there has been one thread about the cards/ presents all in the context of women who are doing everything. I dont do the laundry for my DH/DS who are both adults living here. Gasp, shock, horror burn the witch ! Its fine, absolutely fine. They take responsibility and I got sick of them leaving piles of laundry for me to do, refused to empty pockets, bring it down. So they do their own . What century are we in when its deemed shocking that someone with a penis has to do their own laundry or buy their own mother a card? 🙄

Yes my DC were perfectly capable of making their own breakfast age 10.
Sometimes I would cook a big breakfastfor everyone but they liked doing it themselves , making choices.
They dont suddenly know how to do these things at 18.

Ugh, daddy should be faddy

YANBU. Better to get the habit into him now too! My sister is 16 and still expects our mum to make every meal for her. Second child syndrome I call it, whereas I as the eldest had to get on with it and could cook for myself by the time I was 13.

It’ll soon become routine for him!

My dc are 8 and 11 but have been making their own breakfast for around the last 3 years. Initially just toast and cereal but now they can make beans or scrambled egg on toast too (using microwave not stove)

Templetree one thread !! Ha Ha. And the other gazillion.
To be honest I am the one with a more active and intense hobby (well in non covid times) - I guess that makes me the 'lazy' one because while I am doing that my husband has to -shock horror - do the washing up or make tea.
There is a lot of men-are-lazy-bastards on Mumsnet which I think is quite nasty a lot of the time.

@Ilovemaisie

Templetree one thread !! Ha Ha. And the other gazillion. To be honest I am the one with a more active and intense hobby (well in non covid times) - I guess that makes me the 'lazy' one because while I am doing that my husband has to -shock horror - do the washing up or make tea. There is a lot of men-are-lazy-bastards on Mumsnet which I think is quite nasty a lot of the time.

Not really sure what your point is?

Whats nasty is men treating women like domestic appliances.
Just because yours doesnt , doesnt mean its a not problem for others.
Why so dismissive?

Templetree I am not being dismissive or not meaning to be. I just don't think a child of 10 not making their own breakfast is a massive big deal. It's nice if they can but I wouldn't expect it or insist on it. I was attempting to make a little joke about how I personally have seen on many threads comments about women not doing things for their husband's and/or children because everyone should be independent and do their own stuff - which in a family set up I personally find ridiculous.
Every family if different I know but the amount of man hating I see on here I wonder why so many mumsnetters actually bother to get married.

@Ilovemaisie

Templetree I am not being dismissive or not meaning to be. I just don't think a child of 10 not making their own breakfast is a massive big deal. It's nice if they can but I wouldn't expect it or insist on it. I was attempting to make a little joke about how I personally have seen on many threads comments about women not doing things for their husband's and/or children because everyone should be independent and do their own stuff - which in a family set up I personally find ridiculous. Every family if different I know but the amount of man hating I see on here I wonder why so many mumsnetters actually bother to get married.

Ok I didnt realise it was a joke . I think context is everything though.

Those threads always end up with someone sneering and stating how awful you must hate your DH when the context is that she does absolutely everything.

I'm amazed at the amount of people cooking breakfast tbh. In our house it's toast or cereal and that's it. At the weekend we might push the boat out and have porridge or pancakes, once in a blue moon. Scrambled eggs, beans on toast, sausages, never unless we're staying in a hotel and they're making it.

@Ilovemaisie if in your world, your DH pulls his weight domestically and properly ‘shows up’, then you probably won’t understand the threads (and there have unfortunately been 100’s especially during Covid) of posters essentially repeatedly stating that their partners are not pulling their weight domestically.

As I’ve stated on another thread, I’ve ended a longish relationship in the last 6 months due to just how bone idle and lazy this man was.

It’s interesting that you view some threads as ‘man hating.’ When the reality I see is a poster exhausted and at the end of their tether. There remain too many immature and lazy men out there. And that’s why posters say ‘go on strike’. He’ll wash when he opens the drawers and finds no clean underwear/ socks. And if he doesn’t? That’s on that person.

Families are about working together. And if one party isn’t doing that then it basically means the other person does all the heavy lifting or stops.

I don’t call that man hating. I call it not being someone’s domestic skivvy.

Ok "sassbott* I do understand that some men are lazy and selfish. I understand that for some women they do get to a point where they're at the end of their tether. I just think some take it to an extreme about who should be doing what in the home. Being expected to do all the cooking, cleaning, childcare etc while husband plays Xbox is very wrong but I just don't think it's being a 'domestic skivvy' to do something like buy your mother in law a Mother's Day (as I did the other day while buying one for my Mum) yet many times I have read on here that is the ultimate no no because it's "his responsibility to buy for his family" and under no circumstances should you do it.

[quote sassbott]@Ilovemaisie if in your world, your DH pulls his weight domestically and properly ‘shows up’, then you probably won’t understand the threads (and there have unfortunately been 100’s especially during Covid) of posters essentially repeatedly stating that their partners are not pulling their weight domestically.

As I’ve stated on another thread, I’ve ended a longish relationship in the last 6 months due to just how bone idle and lazy this man was.

It’s interesting that you view some threads as ‘man hating.’ When the reality I see is a poster exhausted and at the end of their tether. There remain too many immature and lazy men out there. And that’s why posters say ‘go on strike’. He’ll wash when he opens the drawers and finds no clean underwear/ socks. And if he doesn’t? That’s on that person.

Families are about working together. And if one party isn’t doing that then it basically means the other person does all the heavy lifting or stops.

I don’t call that man hating. I call it not being someone’s domestic skivvy.[/quote]
Well said!

Templetree ok I apologise for saying that many mumsnetters seem to be man haters. I am just going by many many threads I have read - usually found in AIBU.
Maybe I will stick to different threads like ones about books and hobbies and cats from now on.