To expect my 10 year old to make his own breakfast??

[Blueuggboots]

My 10 year old tells me what he wants for breakfast every morning and then expects it to magically appear in front of him.
He is capable of making toast, beans on toast, scrambled egg, cereal including porridge in the microwave but does require support with the grill which I am happy to provide.
When I tell him to make it himself (which I've been doing for well over a year!!) he gets really shirty.
Would you expect your 10 year old to do this for themselves?

Why would you not want to help them be independent?

You can help kids learn the skills to be independent without insisting that they have to be independent when they're not quite ready for it.

There's a difference between making sure a 10yo is capable of making their own breakfast and feels confident doing it, and expecting them to always do it themselves just because they can.

It's interesting that one of the burdens of young carers that often comes up is having to make their own breakfast every morning.
Sure a 10yo should be able to make themselves some food if their parent isn't able to, but I don't see why that means they should have to take on the responsibility of making their own breakfast every morning if they don't want to.

@Rememberallball

Not currently relevant as my DTs are only toddlers. However, as their mother, I see it as one of my roles to provide them with their meals so, no I won’t be expecting them to make their own breakfast (or any other meal) at 10 years old!!

Aw, bless you, that is genuinely so sweet. Come back in a few years though... !

On a serious note, when do you think you will let them have a bit of independence and to know how to make their breakfast / cook a simple meal? If not at 10, will it be at 12? 16? Or will you expect their future partner to continue what you do? Trust me, if they get to being teenagers and aren't already on the path to being fairly functioning people then you are making a rod for your own back and they will turn into a needy, entitled and demanding adults. I hope they aren't boys, otherwise there will be some poor woman on here complaining about her lazy, mothers-boy husband who can't even make his own breakfast! Just something to consider, you think you are being a lovely, caring mum (which you clearly are), but there are side-effects to that...

My 5 year old makes their own breakfast.

Mine are all teens, but but breakfast and lunch have been a 'help yourself' affair for as long as I can remember. Except when DH is around. He is still horrified that I will make myself lunch and not them. As far as I am concerned, they are all capable, and if they are too lazy to make themselves food, that's their lookout. Making myself a quick sandwich is a whole different ballgame to making sandwiches for 4/5 people who are in different rooms of the house and who all want different things. And I totally agree with PricklesandSpikes above. If it were up to DH that is exactly what would happen. He still thinks it's our job to feed them. Eldest is 19!

Would you expect your 10 year old to do this for themselves?
I expected my then 10 year old to make breakfast for me, never mind himself!

@Rememberallball

Not currently relevant as my DTs are only toddlers. However, as their mother, I see it as one of my roles to provide them with their meals so, no I won’t be expecting them to make their own breakfast (or any other meal) at 10 years old!!

You expect your 10 year olds to cook themselves three meals a day, every single day?

Yeah, good luck with that one

I have the same thing with my 11yo! Thing is, he gets downstairs, plonks himself in front of tv and keeps ordering things like i’m a coffee shop! I started having stern words with him, don’t expect him to do his breakfast all the tims but occassional initiative would be great.

I don't expect my 8 year old to make breakfast. She definitely could and will do if I ask her to (when I've been unwell for example) but she's my only child so I don't have anyone else to fuss after. Truthfully I enjoy it and my dad always made all my meals so it feels totally natural to me.

I used to make my DSs breakfast at that age but he could make it himself. I just liked spoiling him because unless it was the weekend and my DF was around my DM never made me anything ever.

@sunflowersandbuttercups
You might want to read Remberallball's post again...

Breakfast and lunch have been help yourself affairs for as long as I can remember. Only exceptions to that are if I’m heating up pastries for us all at the weekend or cooking bacon, then I do it for all who want it.
Now, at a little bit older than 10, mine also cook dinner on occasion.

At 10 years old yes they should be able to make some toast or cereal for breakfast if asked. However I would say I grew up with any meal at home being a family meal so of course my mother or my grandmother if I was staying with my father that would make my breakfast. This might also be because I really did not enjoy toast or cereal (no one in my family did) so usually had some soup and a small fruit platter etc. It was nice to enjoy the meal as a family and also allowed me an extra 30 minutes of sleep as my mum prepared my breakfast and packed lunch while I did my Chinese writing lessons under her supervision. And if I was at my grandmother's I was in the kitchen to help in any way she asked me to.

I do think once I have kids I would want a similar sort of set up. I would probably not have chinese writing lessons as I do very much see it as an obsolete skill considering considering how widely english is used these days but that is a different issue. To me once I am confident they can do the task without me I would of course want to look after them the same way I was looked after.

I've just realised that at age 6 my eldest 2 made their own breakfast but I'm still making it for my youngest 2 and they are 6 and 7 in fairness we live in a different house now and the cupboards are different so where I store things is opposite to how I did in my ole house and the girls couldn't reach bowls or cereals yet. May need to reorganise my kitchen and start in then doing their own

yes I would and my 10 year does (usually cup of tea, and food wise beans, toast, scambled egg or microwave porridge).

When does it go from teaching independence to becoming a young carer/neglect.

I am all for kids learning life skills but some of these posts are quite sad actually.

@toocold54

When does it go from teaching independence to becoming a young carer/neglect.

I am all for kids learning life skills but some of these posts are quite sad actually.

Think yourself fortunate you don’t know real neglect then. Jeez.

@BaskingMad - he's like yours! Comes downstairs and starts demanding whilst staring at the TV.
I'm getting ready for work and my working day starts at about 7-7.15 even though I'm present in the house...
He's been able to make scrambled eggs in the microwave since he was about 6 (with support initially). He's totally capable, just wants me to do it all the time.
And yes, he's very determined and will probably carry on asking fir at least another 6 months before he gives up!
While we've been home schooling, we've been trying to get him into the routine of get up, shower, breakfast then watch tv....

I've always made meals for the family. Son is still very small but I would expect to carry on for a good while. I think it encourages healthier choices.

@toocold54

When does it go from teaching independence to becoming a young carer/neglect.

I am all for kids learning life skills but some of these posts are quite sad actually.

Erm... What?

Learning to make your own breakfast is nothing like being a young carer for goodness sake!

Think yourself fortunate you don’t know real neglect then. Jeez.

@Ermidunno
I work with young carers and children from negligent families.
If you’re having to make your own meals at 6 because your parent can’t be bothered/is in bed - that could be seen as a red flag.
If you are having to make your parent meals because they physically can’t - that’s classed as being a young carer.

@PricklesAndSpikes

Tell me how this isn’t classed as a young carer?

When my youngest was 4 I became disabled and struggled to do many tasks, especially at the speed a child wants them done. All 3 children were 10 and under and started doing much more than making their own breakfast.

@toocold54 I’m one of the few who posted saying the kids at 7&9 sort their own breakfast whilst we’re in bed. There is nothing neglectful about that. They have food and clean bowls, the house is warm and clean, we’re upstairs and will help if asked but so what if we don’t want to get up at 6am when we don’t need to. It’s pretty extreme to claim neglect because people are promoting their child’s independence. I also make them do chores from a ticklist to earn their pocket money, is this child labour?

Yes DD gets her own breakfast and lunch. I offer when making mine but often wants to have hers at a different time or have something different. She can make simple meals and will often choose to do a bit of baking (so making pizza dough etc) rather than eat what I have left out for lunch. She is a teen now and left alone for a few hours because I still have to do visits (to 'neglected' children)! They often are cooking and helping themselves to food under supervision but usually this is not the main concern. There is food and in lots of families simple cooking and getting your own food from a relatively early age is normal and quite safe. When a four year old is walking to the shop to buy the bread for toast then that is a different matter.

@toocold54

Since you didn't quote any particular post I was replying to what seemed a generalisation to posters saying they had taught their children to make their own breakfast. But still, no, unless you know that particular poster's circumstances you can't possibly judge her children as being carers as opposed to children who learn how to do a bit more than most in order to help a less-abled parent. There is a huge difference which if you really do work with carers and their families I wouldn't need to point out!

Neglect? Lord alive, what a nonsensical post.

OP, at 10 my kids were more than capable of getting their own breakfast: cereal/ toast/ fruit.
At about 11 I taught them how to measure out porridge/ soak it overnight. Whomever is downstairs first turns the pot on (normally me) and we then have breakfast together.

I still do cooked breakfasts but I’m certainly not waiting on them hand and foot. The eldest gets involved and can now pretty much make a corking scrambled/ avo / tomatoes combo. The youngest sets the table/ gets drinks/ sorts the toast.

Essentially? We meal prep together and they pull their wait. I’m their mum, not their maid.