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Original poster

To be put off dating a man who doesn’t drive

759 replies

TrunkintheJunk · 03/03/2021 18:46

Recently started online dating. Been talking to someone who seems really nice. We’re arranging to go for a walk somewhere next week.
Thing is, he doesn’t drive. He’s 39 but just ‘never got around to learning’.
Am I a dick for being put off by this??

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 06/03/2021 18:26

@Fembot I am not writing people off hence me saying 'it's quite possible and not 'very definitely'.

Fembot123 · 06/03/2021 18:30

And I said don’t, not you have 😉

Sparklingbrook · 06/03/2021 18:34

@Fembot123

And I said don’t, not you have 😉
That's that cleared up then.
Fembot123 · 06/03/2021 18:35

Yes, no argument here just sharing my story and a tongue in cheek ner ner to boot.

Sparklingbrook · 06/03/2021 18:36

@Fembot123

Yes, no argument here just sharing my story and a tongue in cheek ner ner to boot.
Wine
Fembot123 · 06/03/2021 18:37

Make it a white and I’m there ☺️

GoldenOmber · 06/03/2021 18:53

Someone without a vehicle would surely only seem unworldy to someone a bit stupid?

I don’t know if it’s stupidity exactly but these conversations do show how many people just can’t comprehend anyone living a different kind of life to them. “I go everywhere in a car, therefore you must go everywhere in a car too - and if you don’t drive then you must be getting driven by someone else, it’s the only explanation. I can’t work out how I’d travel without driving, so non-drivers can’t travel. I would struggle to do the shopping and the school run without my car, therefore people without cars must rely on other people to do these things.”

phoenixrosehere · 06/03/2021 19:02

Just meant really that someone without a car /MC or whatever may seem rather unworldly was all.

I’m definitely unworldly as a non-driver, only been to ten countries, most through moving to the U.K. and traveling to and through Europe by train. Yet, I know many drivers who have never left their own county.

Nogoodusername · 06/03/2021 19:04

Would put me off. Had two boyfriends who couldn’t drive, was infuriating being the only driver for trips etc

Sparklingbrook · 06/03/2021 19:11

I am not sure what is meant by 'worldly' re having a car. A Google suggests this meaning-

practical and having a lot of experience of life

So not necessarily travelling? Not sure.

Morgoth · 06/03/2021 19:34

I don’t drive because the trade off for slightly more convenience and freedom against the expense of driving lessons, buying a car, insurance, repairs, MOT etc. isn’t worth it. I don’t live somewhere remote and I don’t have children so a car isn’t much of a necessity. I would barely use it for anything.

And loads of people can experience life and see the world without a car ffs! There’s planes, trains, boats, taxis, bikes, LEGS. How do you think all these explorers saw all the world before cars were invented?!

randomsabreuse · 06/03/2021 20:00

To travel widely in the UK you need a car, Europe not so much...

I've lived in various towns and cities around the UK and the only place that had a working integrated transport network was London. Possibly Glasgow is good but Covid has rather limited my opportunities to experiment with it.

Travelled fairly widely in France and to a lesser extent in other parts of Europe. Most places have a working transport network with the "genius" idea that the train station should be the main hub for bus routes out from said town to suburbs and villages... Rather than there being infrequent links to the bus station that arrive shortly after the hourly batch of buses heading out of town that is common in England...

Lived in London. Car not necessary day to day, very much needed to visit friends, many of whom lived in areas that were heavily affected by Beeching.

Lived in rural Shropshire in house provided by DH's work. 1 bus a week giving you approximately 1h 45 minutes in small local town 25 minutes drive or 1 hour bus ride away.

I'm very much a public transport fan when it works for me - trips to cities especially. I'm a big fan of park and ride type options too. I also walk into town for errands rather than wasting time and money on parking.

pepsimaxgal11 · 06/03/2021 20:22

I don't drive due to a disability, there could be a lot of different reasons why he doesn't drive and maybe he feels too uncomfortable to explain why. I would get to know him. He could be a wonderful person

WoolieLiberal · 06/03/2021 20:30

Depends on the rest of his situation. If he’s got a job, solvent and isn’t living with his parents I wouldn’t sweat it.

If he is, I’d avoid.

CaptSkippy · 07/03/2021 10:47

The problem is not that he doesn't drive. The problem is that he is immature.

He CAN'T even drive and has no intention of learning. He DOES NOT have his own place and doesn't seem to have any intention of learning how to take care of himself.

His immaturity is the real turn-off here. The not being able to drive is just the first symptom of it.

KatherineJaneway · 08/03/2021 06:23

For all those living in London without a car ,does no one go out of London for an afternoon "run out" as my DGP used to call it at all? Unless your needs never seem to run to coming out /going on WE away /hols whatever .To say nothing of shopping .I think it seems lazy and childish esp for men somehow

I live in London, I drive but don't own a car currently. It isn't worth the expense. I have my shopping delivered and pop to the shops for any top up items. If I want to travel I'll hire a car but public transport can take me to most places.

Kendodd · 08/03/2021 09:55

Thing is this thread (and all the others like it) are not about not using a car/having a car, they are about being unable to drive a car. That's a very different thing. At times I lived in London without a car, it was no problem at all. I still possessed the adult skill to actually drive one if I wanted/needed though.

Frannyhy · 08/03/2021 10:26

I have a relative who wasn’t allowed to drive because of his epilepsy. He has had it under control with drugs for years, and has been told that he could now get a license if he so wished. He says no because he’d never forgive himself if he had an accident and hurt someone. I assume his wife agrees, I’ve never thought to ask her.

However, I do judge a friend who suggested to a group of us that renting a car to drive out of town to go clubbing would be a great night out. She doesn’t have a license. I just said no to that plan and left it at that.

When she asked to join a group of us who are talking about driving across America at some point in the future, I told her to grow the fuck up and learn so that she could take her turn behind the wheel.

juice92 · 08/03/2021 19:54

I didn't get my driving licence until I was 28 so coming from a place of someone who lived a good chunk of her adult life not being able to drive.

I would be put off by someone who didn't drive. When I couldn't it would have been because it would have seriously limited our horizons and now I can because I don't enjoy driving and only do it when I have to.

I live in a very small town and the public transport is absolutely appalling though so I could be very sure I would have to drive pretty much every time I saw him/ we went anywhere.

I would feel different if we both lived in a big city though as the rare times a car would be needed I would be happy to hire one and drive.

ArcheryAnnie · 09/03/2021 00:34

@KatherineJaneway

For all those living in London without a car ,does no one go out of London for an afternoon "run out" as my DGP used to call it at all? Unless your needs never seem to run to coming out /going on WE away /hols whatever .To say nothing of shopping .I think it seems lazy and childish esp for men somehow

I live in London, I drive but don't own a car currently. It isn't worth the expense. I have my shopping delivered and pop to the shops for any top up items. If I want to travel I'll hire a car but public transport can take me to most places.

This! Trains exist, and if I am going away for a weekend, I'd rather spend the beginning and end on a train, reading a book and drinking a coffee, than wrestling with traffic.

If you are incapable of doing your shopping without a car, well, I don't know what to say to you.

Bythemillpond · 09/03/2021 00:50

If you are incapable of doing your shopping without a car, well, I don't know what to say to you

Please tell me how I am supposed to do shopping or anything without a car.

No public transport and single track roads with no street lighting or pavements.

You do realise that some people just don’t live near shops or public transport.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 09/03/2021 06:54

@Kendodd

Thing is this thread (and all the others like it) are not about not using a car/having a car, they are about being unable to drive a car. That's a very different thing. At times I lived in London without a car, it was no problem at all. I still possessed the adult skill to actually drive one if I wanted/needed though.
This ‘adult skill’ is both time-consuming and expensive to acquire. It would be a lot of time and money for what’s effectively ‘just in case’.
malificent7 · 09/03/2021 07:02

The environment is fucked due to our dependancy on cars and its not going to change.
I think we equate deiving to masculinity...prob not healthy. Id give him a chance..

ArcheryAnnie · 09/03/2021 10:49

@Bythemillpond

If you are incapable of doing your shopping without a car, well, I don't know what to say to you

Please tell me how I am supposed to do shopping or anything without a car.

No public transport and single track roads with no street lighting or pavements.

You do realise that some people just don’t live near shops or public transport.

Friends who live halfway up a mountain have their tesco shopping delivered once a week! One van doing a lot of local deliveries instead of multiple cars all doing one delivery each.
DdraigGoch · 09/03/2021 10:52

To travel widely in the UK you need a car,
@randomsabruse as it looks like foreign excursions will not be possible in the near future, I challenge you to suggest a UK destination for my holiday this year that you think I cannot get to without a car. As far as I'm concerned anywhere is accessible.

Not counting places that a car can't access either of course, Rockall is not a viable holiday destination either way.