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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

First mothers day disappointment

273 replies

Goodytoshoes · 03/03/2021 16:26

I feel so guilty for writing this.

My partner told me last night that he can't really afford to get me anything for mothers day and I told him I understood because finances are a bit tight at the moment. I mentioned I just wanted to spend it with my DC, but maybe I could pamper myself on the cheap as well by doing honey and sugar facemasks, and watch movies etc.

He knows there's a thing I wanted from my DC for mothers day, which is only £20, and I suggested that he could get me it when finances are better as a delayed mothers day present, and he said that was a good idea.

Everyone was happy!

Today arrives and something comes through the post for him. Turns out he spent £35 on a jacket for himself so he could start running again.

I don't begrudge him the jacket, and I'm delighted that he's getting back into his fitness. But I can't help feeling the tiniest bit hurt and I feel like such a bitch for feeling that way. AIBU?

OP posts:
2andahalfpints · 03/03/2021 20:56

@Nekoness

Nope. I’d make a big show putting a big return label on it and when he blurts out asking what you’re doing ... feign surprise and ask what he means? He said he couldn’t afford a Mother’s Day gift and money was tight so surely this has to be a mistake and he doesn’t actually think you’re going to let him treat you like a worthless piece of shit? And smile
This 100% this
partyatthepalace · 03/03/2021 21:12

@AtticusF1nch

Just say to him that you're hurt he spent £35 on himself yet pleaded poverty when it came to buying something that he knew meant a lot to you.

I mean, you could silently seethe and breed lots of resentment or you could calmly just tell him

This absolutely. Just say it without rancour. It’s important to communicate your perfectly reasonable feelings.
pictish · 03/03/2021 21:12

When is Mother’s Day anyway?

NoKnit · 03/03/2021 21:15

A jacket for running? It's March and sounds like you are in the UK. You can't run in a jacket! I run 50km a week on average in a country where temperature is often a lot colder and I almost never wear a jacket

NoseinBook3 · 03/03/2021 21:18

He’s an inconsiderate bugger if he ordered himself a jacket and is pleading poverty

NoseinBook3 · 03/03/2021 21:18

Unless the jackets on credit?

HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 03/03/2021 21:23

Couple things to unpick, he can spend his own money on a jacket without your permission
He’s a tight wad, as you’ve said he’s not bothered currently or on past about treating you.
Take the £20 out the joint buy yourself the gift
You put up with his crap, and he does it out knowing heyho the wee woman she’ll not raise a fuss

pictish · 03/03/2021 21:24

I usually wear a jacket to run at this time of year. I’ve got a smashing soft shell for the very purpose. It’s thin, water repellent, warm, has multiple pockets and air vents up the arms you can zip and unzip according to your temperature. It also ties neatly around my waist if I want to take it off. Would rather have it than not. Twist an ankle and you’ll get cold quick.

Weirdlynormal · 03/03/2021 21:28

He doesn't mean it in a malicious way

Well it's not exactly nice though is it.

HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 03/03/2021 21:32

@Nekoness

Nope. I’d make a big show putting a big return label on it and when he blurts out asking what you’re doing ... feign surprise and ask what he means? He said he couldn’t afford a Mother’s Day gift and money was tight so surely this has to be a mistake and he doesn’t actually think you’re going to let him treat you like a worthless piece of shit? And smile
Utter rubbish usual billy big balls rubbish.All bluster.

Return to where?what retailer?no return label?no proof of purchase
When He blurts out?are you suggesting a made up scenario of wrapping a jacket and pretend to return it in front of him in order to make some stupid scripted speech...oh and Then smile?

What is the actual point in stage direction of someone else to behave out of character or make a big feisty speech that they’d never ordinarily do

Utterly daft, and actually all about you @Nekoness. Nothing to do with the op

Esse321 · 03/03/2021 21:34

what on earth, long sleeve top for running if its below 5c and t-shirt if its above - yanbu OP.

pictish · 03/03/2021 21:35

I would just say, “Nice jacket. While we’re treating ourselves to nice things, I’m going to order xxxx as a wee Mother’s Day present.”
That’s all you have to do. He’s allowed a running jacket. You’re allowed your thing too.
Don’t worry about gifts too much.

TheOrigRights · 03/03/2021 21:40

I've only read the OP's posts.

I was coming on to say that he really doesn't need a £35 jacket for running. Running doesn't need special, technical stuff.
For a fella, you only really need decent running trainers, but if (as you say) he's just getting back into it, I daresay he's got a pair kicking about.

A pair of shorts and a top and off you go.

I know I'm missing the point.

shouldistop · 03/03/2021 21:42

The best Mother's Day I had was last year and not a penny was spent.
Dh and then 3yo ds made me something silly and brought me breakfast in bed. Ds also picked me a flower when we went on a walk.

HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 03/03/2021 21:44

Well that’s super,but op had a fancy for moderately price gift

LoveYourUsername · 03/03/2021 21:44

I'm shocked.

When my Dcs were that small I got nothing. I don't see it as the father's responsibility to buy a gift from the child when they are 10 months old. That's madness.

The whole idea is crazy.

When mine were old enough to know what MD was, DP would help them buy a small bunch of flowers and they'd make a card, often at school.

No one surely expects their partner to buy on behalf of a 10 month old baby?

BrumBoo · 03/03/2021 21:45

@shouldistop

The best Mother's Day I had was last year and not a penny was spent. Dh and then 3yo ds made me something silly and brought me breakfast in bed. Ds also picked me a flower when we went on a walk.
Completely irrelevant to the op and her issue, but I guess it's nice to share?
pictish · 03/03/2021 21:46

Ok so off topic, I’m thinking it’s odd that runners on this thread don’t use a jacket.
I’m in Scotland, I live quite high up and my running routes are often in local hills. It’s cold up there. If I was to fall and break my ankle say, I’d be glad I had it. Most other runners I pass up there are wearing a jacket or gilet of some description. Lots of shorts (I only ever wear crops) but pretty much always a jacket. Is it a geographical thing?

HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 03/03/2021 21:48

Ahh the competitive none presents,I once got a used teabag that had been dried on the fence until hard and it was then fashioned into a beautiful talisman on a discarded loom band

napody · 03/03/2021 21:49

I must admit I don't see Mother's Day as a 'pick a present' kind of occasion, but do expect (and get!) effort and fuss on the day. So I sincerely hope you have at least that coming.

But I agree his reasoning stinks. Although I would see running shoes so that he can start running (assuming he isn't already equipped to do lots of other sports) as an essential and wouldn't see it as the same 'pot' as a gift. But a jacket?! I've been running for 5 years and have never had a jacket, it certainly wouldn't stop you getting started!

shouldistop · 03/03/2021 21:50

@BrumBoo I'd have thought it was pretty obvious that op can still have a nice Mother's Day with no money spent.
Her dc is a baby, she can buy the £20 thing herself obviously as it's not from the baby anyway?
Her dh can do a card with the baby's hand print or something.
She doesn't have to be disappointed in advance when she may still have a nice day.

napody · 03/03/2021 21:50

@pictish

Ok so off topic, I’m thinking it’s odd that runners on this thread don’t use a jacket. I’m in Scotland, I live quite high up and my running routes are often in local hills. It’s cold up there. If I was to fall and break my ankle say, I’d be glad I had it. Most other runners I pass up there are wearing a jacket or gilet of some description. Lots of shorts (I only ever wear crops) but pretty much always a jacket. Is it a geographical thing?
Yes, I would think a geographical thing: climate + remoteness.
BrumBoo · 03/03/2021 21:52

@LoveYourUsername

I'm shocked.

When my Dcs were that small I got nothing. I don't see it as the father's responsibility to buy a gift from the child when they are 10 months old. That's madness.

The whole idea is crazy.

When mine were old enough to know what MD was, DP would help them buy a small bunch of flowers and they'd make a card, often at school.

No one surely expects their partner to buy on behalf of a 10 month old baby?

Oh, the faux-shock! Loving the extra touch of hypocrisy, that the father only opens his wallet once little Timmy knows what he's spending on. Doesn’t matter that he wouldn't be a father at all if not for the mother of his child, 10 month or years old.

No one cares how sanctimonious and smug you all are about getting nothing for mother's day until Darling Children can make an adequately shite card at school and pick some bloody daisies from the back garden. It has zero to do with the issue the op is dealing with, and quite frankly no one else really gives a shit that you 'simply don't understand it, you're not his mother, harhar headtilt tinklylaugh'. Save it for all the threads a week on Sunday, where I'm sure the best part of your day will be kicking down other women who feel used by their families Hmm.

BrumBoo · 03/03/2021 21:56

[quote shouldistop]@BrumBoo I'd have thought it was pretty obvious that op can still have a nice Mother's Day with no money spent.
Her dc is a baby, she can buy the £20 thing herself obviously as it's not from the baby anyway?
Her dh can do a card with the baby's hand print or something.
She doesn't have to be disappointed in advance when she may still have a nice day. [/quote]
We can all have nice days without buying shit. You can say that about Christmas, Birthdays, what the hell ever. It's still crap when a loves one doesn't even give you a passing thought on these days, unless you specifically tell them not to. Which the op has not.

The op made both her and her partner parents. If she wants a £20 gift as a nice momentum of her first mother's day, who the hell is anyone to judge?

HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 03/03/2021 21:56

Lol All the parsimonious mums,oh just a smile or small wilted flowers that’s enough for me

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