To petition for the eradication of Javelin Arse

[LongPauseNoAnswer]

I don’t know who to petition. The government? God/ess/deity, the EU?

I’ve just been to the supermarket and I was looking forward to browsing being outside my house for an leisurely hour or so when I got the worst Javelin Arse I’ve ever experienced. It literally winded me. With nowhere to sit down I ran around sweating and nauseated and ran back to the car to sit it out. It should be high on the list of afflictions to be eradicated (lighthearted obviously)

YABU - Woman up and deal with it
YANBU - It’s the worst pain

I will gladly sign your petition.

What causes it?

@ForensicFlossy

I will gladly sign your petition.

Your support means everything to me.

I get it SO badly now! In the last year I've started getting a lot of pain around ovulation, accompanied by mega javelin arse. DD and I were walking along the road the other day and I literally had to stop and double over, leaning against her.

Luckily she understands as she's started getting it herself. Being a woman is so bloody magical.

Oh it’s just awful. I got it while driving once and was gripping the steering wheel so tightly my knuckles were white. It takes my breath away, and not in a good way!

@SparklingLime

What causes it?

Hormones, menstruation, the devil. Take your pick!

Me too - and also yes wtf is it!

I'm reticent to post this lest the powers that be decide I deserve to be smote, but I am yet to suffer javelin arse. I will, however, wholeheartedly support your movement.

@babbaloushka

I'm reticent to post this lest the powers that be decide I deserve to be smote, but I am yet to suffer javelin arse. I will, however, wholeheartedly support your movement.

Future generations of women will be grateful for your sacrifice.

Is it like trapped wind?

I had that once (fortunately not since, as my wind more likely to be racing for the finish post) and it honestly felt like I was being stabbed in the guts. Someone was talking to me at the time and I couldn't focus on a word he said, never mind reply, the pain was so immense.

I would like to stick Trapped Wind right up Javelin Arse's bottom. See how it likes them apples!

I’d like to sign please. So far (glances warily at the gods) it hasn’t arrived at its usual time but I’m now waiting for it to strike on a new cycle day.... a new torture device perhaps?

I’m cursing myself here but I’ve not had it in awhile, maybe lack of commuting stress?! I hope it remains this way

What on earth is javelin arse?

I think it's spasming of the colon (not a doctor though!) and yes it hurts like fuckery.

Thankfully it's quite infrequent for me but I had it a few weeks ago at work and could do anything but grab the nearest wall and make a moaning noise. I was trying to breathe through it like a contraction. Then I felt all sweaty and sick. Absolutely awful.

It's much more painful than trapped wind (which is a bastard in itself). It's utterly debilitating for a minute or two.

God, I hate it. It tends to strike in the middle of the night for me and wake me up, and the only way I can relieve it even slightly is by pushing hard with those muscles, which I wouldn't risk doing in bed, so I end up sitting on the loo in the cold until it passes. Even then it quite often comes back as soon as I go back to sleep. I had it the other night so badly that I felt faint. Apparently it's technically called proctalgia fugax. If I have it during the day it's much more brief and stabby but at night it's awful.

Oh definitively it’s hellish, way worse than trapped wind. I can’t move or speak! I have only had it in the last couple of years

I’ve always called it Shooty Arse.

I once mrntione javelin arse to my gp. She said something about prostaglandin.

I had that once really, really badly after an orgasm ... To the point I was in the bathroom crying and considering ringing 111 . It’s like a horrible pain that you desperately need to poo, but can’t and straining to go only makes it worse ... only thing I’ve found that relieves it is sort of sitting with my bum raised up off the bed and a cushion in between my legs . Or sitting in the bath but that isn’t always very practical ! Usually comes with period pain or ovulation sadly .

My GP just looked at me as if I had three heads when I asked her, said she’d never heard of such a thing - and suggested I just had piles .

Pinkfreesias
"What on earth is javelin arse?"

It's a excruciating pain in your rectum that feels like someone has shoved a javelin up there.

Sadly it isn't caused by periods, because I'm fully through the menopause and still get it.

I've found my people! Always thought I was the only one to experience this until i saw a thread on mumsnet about it before. It is breathtaking! If you've not experienced it be thankful!

@Pinkfreesias it literally feels like someone stabbing you up the arse with a dagger. It takes your breath away and makes you either leap about like a loon or freeze with the pain for a minute. Either way, it's not handy when it happens in a meeting, for example

I've never had it but would happily sign your petition. Sounds like a right bugger (Hm, maybe not the best term?) which would have been scienced into oblivion by now if it afflicted men.