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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To petition for the eradication of Javelin Arse

184 replies

LongPauseNoAnswer · 02/03/2021 12:12

I don’t know who to petition. The government? God/ess/deity, the EU?

I’ve just been to the supermarket and I was looking forward to browsing being outside my house for an leisurely hour or so when I got the worst Javelin Arse I’ve ever experienced. It literally winded me. With nowhere to sit down I ran around sweating and nauseated and ran back to the car to sit it out. It should be high on the list of afflictions to be eradicated (lighthearted obviously)

YABU - Woman up and deal with it
YANBU - It’s the worst pain

OP posts:
Oversize · 02/03/2021 16:19

@MammaSchwifty

Apparently it's technically called proctalgia fugax

Sounds like a Harry Potter spell to make someone's arse run away

🤣🤣🤣 true
MustBeThin · 02/03/2021 16:20

I started getting this a few years ago I'm 31 now, never had any kids. I've always had terribly heavy periods but never used to get stomach cramps or anything. Now I'm older my periods are slightly lighter but I get horrific stabbing pains right at the bottom of my stomach, bloating, headaches and javelin arse. How fun. Javelin arse is awful, going about your day then suddenly it feels like someone has jabbed you in the arse with a cattle prod. It takes your bloody breath away, I freeze and start to sweat 😓

Bakedbeanhead · 02/03/2021 16:44

I will sign it ! God it’s soo painful. Been having it for about 10 years, normally wakes me in the night.

I have fainted twice with it as well, it was so painful 😖

QueenPaw · 02/03/2021 16:47

@Bumofthejoke ooh that's the same time I get it! Once I go to the loo past the pain it's fine Confused

Pesimistic · 02/03/2021 17:28

I have the worst javelin arse when I was pregnant, and after birth too.. luckily haven't had any for ages now but god I couldn't breathe properly with some of them thought my innards were going to fall out !

ImaginaryFriends · 02/03/2021 17:29

I'll sign you petition I've suffered with it for years. Sorry to disappoint anyone thinking it will go with your periods I'm well passed the menopause and it's gone nowhere.

Taking painkillers sort of works after a while, I usually sit on the edge of the bed or sofa rocking back and forth until it's gone.

I'm not suggesting you try this but ... I find Buscapan works for me. I have IBS and they were there so I thought I'd give them a go as they treat stomach cramps.

EL8888 · 02/03/2021 17:33

@LittleGwyneth feel free to join!

0blio · 02/03/2021 17:40

Ooh, I've just read that one possible treatment is this:
If your spasms are severe, you may be a candidate for Botox injections in the area
Hmmmm. Apart from NOT wanting a needle up the bum (a javelin is bad enough), do I really need my chocolate starfish to look permanently surprised?

wingsandstrings · 02/03/2021 17:41

aaaaahhh, I didn't know it had a name, and I didn't know it happened to other people too! I get it only on two specific occasions: just after taking a poo; when asleep. It's SO painful, and it's nausea-inducing as well for me.

notawittyname1954 · 02/03/2021 17:45

@Ponoka7

Pinkfreesias "What on earth is javelin arse?"

It's a excruciating pain in your rectum that feels like someone has shoved a javelin up there.

Sadly it isn't caused by periods, because I'm fully through the menopause and still get it.

I was going to say the same. Through the menopause and its still happening. Is it just a woman thing or do men get it. I asked my husband and he hadn't a clue what I was talking about.
EvilPea · 02/03/2021 17:47

I thought I was the only one until I saw a mumsnet post

Mine is middle of the night, not exclusive. And I end up bent over the sofa trying to find some comfortable spot. Mine i think is ovulation related.
It’s terrible and getting worse. I’ve started having to take paracetamol for it.

ShaneTheThird · 02/03/2021 17:52

I always get it on my period. Never known anyone else to as ive never mentioned it. I always called it stabby arse pain. Grin i once fell off the sofa and temporarily couldnt breathe when it struck.

Embracelife · 02/03/2021 18:21

Buscopan. Helps
For the midnight attack

Barmbraic · 02/03/2021 18:46

I was actually thinking about javelin arse the other evening. Dd and I were having a chat about changing bodies, periods and the like (she's 11 so being prepared) and she asked me if periods hurt. Sad I'm afraid I mumbled a bit about possibly being a bit achey but I didn't want to terrify the poor child by mentioning javelin arse (aka pineapple arse). Pre merina I got horrendous periods and between the cramps and javelin arse I would spend about three days a month on the verge of vomiting. I fully agree with pp who said we'd have scienced the fuck out of period complications if men had to endure them.

broccolibush · 02/03/2021 18:47

I get it during ovulation too. Most often in the middle of the night. The only thing that relieves it is straddling the side of the bath and basically squishing my groin with the cold enamel. Such fun. Will gladly sign your petition.

TheLongRider · 02/03/2021 18:50

Sign me up! Even my gynaecologist looked at me with a raised eyebrow when I mentioned it recently. But he's a man so what would he know. Hmm

poppycat10 · 02/03/2021 18:58

I've had this the odd time when I've been driving Envy (not envy) - not good at all. It has only happened to me when I've had my period though, not at any other time and it doesn't happen very often, maybe a few times a year.

Everydaydragon · 02/03/2021 19:18

Its bloody awful. I get it on my period mostly, the other day I got it mid run which was the worst, now that I think about it I think it was about ovulation time. I dont get it half as bad as a lot of you here but it's so painful

CuntyMcBollocks · 02/03/2021 19:25

I've recently suffered with this!! Its bloody excruciating. I'm glad I'm not the only one suffering.

CuntyMcBollocks · 02/03/2021 19:27

That sounded wrong... im glad that its not just me being a hypochondriac and that it is a real thing. Im not glad that others suffer with it too, because it really fucking hurts!!!

TheRedShoes75 · 02/03/2021 19:32

Oh my god yes, where do I sign. Usually worst at night, takes your breath away and involves straining sat in the toilet in the middle of the night praying for painkillers to kick in or death. Whichever is quicker.

Namechange600 · 02/03/2021 19:33

This can be a symptom of endometriosis! Could be endometriosis on the bowel (was for me, and bladder, ureters, diaphragm
..everywhere😱) If it affects your daily life I would investigate more.

Puddycatfan · 02/03/2021 19:48

Pass me the petition, I'll sign the fucker!

As something to cheer you all up and give you something to look forward to, it has got worse since my hysterectomy and head-long five into menopause.

At least it takes my mind off my itchy skin, hot flushes, fuzzy brain, constipation, aching all over....

isthismylifenow · 02/03/2021 19:49

I got a serious case last night. I had just got into bed and I knew it was coming. I had this heads up twinge, then boom, i couldn't move for a minute or so. Actually I'm still a bit tender today.

My dd gets them too, she calls its the stabbing shocks. And this is a perfect description. Still don't know why we get them though. Can't be a meno thing as dd is 18.

Bonnieonthelam · 02/03/2021 19:52

So, that’s what it is called. It has me silently screaming in pain. And it lasts days. How do you explain that to a Dr. What’s the formal name I wonder out loud...?