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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To petition for the eradication of Javelin Arse

184 replies

LongPauseNoAnswer · 02/03/2021 12:12

I don’t know who to petition. The government? God/ess/deity, the EU?

I’ve just been to the supermarket and I was looking forward to browsing being outside my house for an leisurely hour or so when I got the worst Javelin Arse I’ve ever experienced. It literally winded me. With nowhere to sit down I ran around sweating and nauseated and ran back to the car to sit it out. It should be high on the list of afflictions to be eradicated (lighthearted obviously)

YABU - Woman up and deal with it
YANBU - It’s the worst pain

OP posts:
Oversize · 02/03/2021 13:28

Hot bath. Even in the middle of the night. I'm in too much pain to care who gets woken up.

MargaretThursday · 02/03/2021 13:30

It's the only pain which has genuinely made me faint. I don't get it often, but it's normally the middle of the night.
Definitely anything that irradicates it would be a good thing.

Tootshoots · 02/03/2021 13:31

I used to get it around my period. Since I've had my kids it has stopped. Yay! I never met anyone in real life who had it and my friends would look at me like Hmm when I asked them. It is awful.

BashfulClam · 02/03/2021 13:32

I only get bit in the first day or two of my period. Along with the horrible cramp and heavy bleeding this is an extra treat. It only happens when I go for a poo but unfortunately my period makes my bowels looser (tmi I know). So I have to go several times and get the shooting arse cramp each time.

Tootshoots · 02/03/2021 13:34

@BashfulClam

I only get bit in the first day or two of my period. Along with the horrible cramp and heavy bleeding this is an extra treat. It only happens when I go for a poo but unfortunately my period makes my bowels looser (tmi I know). So I have to go several times and get the shooting arse cramp each time.
I meant to say it was usually when going for a poo too. But did strike randomly too.
BronwenFrideswide · 02/03/2021 13:34

I'll sign. Javelin Arse is the perfect description of the bastard.

GirlLovesWorld · 02/03/2021 13:37

Oh yeah there's nothing like trying to shit while leaping off the toilet seat in pain...

lubeybooby · 02/03/2021 13:38

I passed out in tesco once because of it. Rude. It seems to be ovulation related for me so I've given in and gone on the depo jab.

I tried the mini pill last year and it lessened a bit but not totally, and I remember years ago being on the depo and not getting ovulation pain or javelin arse at all

I only hesitated over it because I hate remembering to book in and go every 11 weeks but so far - totally worth it. Fuck off JA and never return!

justanotherneighinparadise · 02/03/2021 13:39

I’ve had it once and it was indeed fucking horrendous!!

harknesswitch · 02/03/2021 13:40

Oh god I had this yesterday... sat in the kitchen, suddenly jump up and I'm panting (the sort of pant you're supposed to do when giving birth) until the pain subsides, my dh looked at me like I'd grown another head

BaggoMcoys · 02/03/2021 13:40

I remember being so glad when I first read about javelin arse on Mumsnet as I finally had a name for it!

Does strike me as odd that so many mumsnetters have it and know what it is, but it doesn't seem widely/commonly known or talked about.

WendyTestaburger · 02/03/2021 13:40

I discovered I can make an attack of it go away quite quickly by making myself totally relax from the waist down. It's counter intuitive - I normally tense in reaction to pain. I'll still sign the petition though. Making one's lower half turn to jelly isn't really compatible with walking or working in a people facing role.

WhereDoMyBluebirdsFly · 02/03/2021 13:43

Wow, I get Javelin Arse occasionally but nowhere near as bad as some of you. My shooting pain is intense but transient. There's one 'impalement' pain that makes me freeze like a statue, this eases over the next 20 or 30 seconds so I can come back to life again. To an outsider I probably look like I'm doing The Robot but I'm not; it's Javelin Arse.

0blio · 02/03/2021 13:45

@MamTDM

God, I hate it. It tends to strike in the middle of the night for me and wake me up, and the only way I can relieve it even slightly is by pushing hard with those muscles, which I wouldn't risk doing in bed, so I end up sitting on the loo in the cold until it passes. Even then it quite often comes back as soon as I go back to sleep. I had it the other night so badly that I felt faint. Apparently it's technically called proctalgia fugax. If I have it during the day it's much more brief and stabby but at night it's awful.
You have described mine exactly, it's horrendous Sad I'm way past menopause so not related to periods (but I do feel it in my vagina too) - I think it's cramp in the muscles.

I'll sign OP.

Justcallmebebes · 02/03/2021 13:47

Well I've learnt something new today. Never had it and by the sound of it, hope I never will

fondestmemories · 02/03/2021 13:49

I get this. I have never heard of the term but the instant I read your thread title I knew what you were talking about. It does feel like someone shoved a javelin up there. I have had a lot of IBS and mainly stress related bowel problems and although it dues to exactly like up I have alway presumed that was what it stemmed from.

fondestmemories · 02/03/2021 13:50

dues to exactly like*

Doesn’t exactly line up

Original poster
LongPauseNoAnswer · 02/03/2021 13:55

I discovered I can make an attack of it go away quite quickly by making myself totally relax from the waist down. It's counter intuitive - I normally tense in reaction to pain

Honestly I don't think it would be possible for me to relax. I scuttled around the supermarket with my arse clenched so tight I am surprised my knickers didn't catch fire from the friction. Horrendous.

OP posts:
MuddleMoo · 02/03/2021 13:59

Never experienced it myself but I'll sign, it sounds horrendous. Have you seen a doctor or is it just "one of those things"? Do men get it?

MammaSchwifty · 02/03/2021 14:00

Ah yes Javelin Arse, medical cousin of Fanny Daggers

Chocsmyfav · 02/03/2021 14:01

It’s horrible, I’m thinking it trapped wind. I don’t get it very often but when I do it takes my breath away

MammaSchwifty · 02/03/2021 14:02

Apparently it's technically called proctalgia fugax

Sounds like a Harry Potter spell to make someone's arse run away

diddl · 02/03/2021 14:09

"I scuttled around the supermarket with my arse clenched so tight I am surprised my knickers didn't catch fire from the friction."
GrinGrinGrin

I used to get it.

Haven't had it since I gave birth!

Strangely all the pains I had seemed to eminate from my bum!

Member984815 · 02/03/2021 14:13

I'll sign it happens randomly during my period it's horrific , makes me since and draws weird looks from the kids

FuckyouCovid21 · 02/03/2021 14:14

I never had it when I was on the pill, the implant or depo but since I've stopped all birth control (mid 40's), I get it quite a lot but only when I'm on my (fortnightly) period. I spent a pleasurable few minutes telling my new DP all about it on the phone last night Grin

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