To petition for the eradication of Javelin Arse

[LongPauseNoAnswer]

I don’t know who to petition. The government? God/ess/deity, the EU?

I’ve just been to the supermarket and I was looking forward to browsing being outside my house for an leisurely hour or so when I got the worst Javelin Arse I’ve ever experienced. It literally winded me. With nowhere to sit down I ran around sweating and nauseated and ran back to the car to sit it out. It should be high on the list of afflictions to be eradicated (lighthearted obviously)

YABU - Woman up and deal with it
YANBU - It’s the worst pain

Oh that's so weird - I never knew other women experienced this. Glad it's not just me, not that I would wish it on anyone. Particularly bad during ovulation.

I had an interesting conversation with my young adult DS about this last week. He mentioned being up in the night and on the loo with terrible arse pain. Further conversation revealed that he gets this quite frequently and calls it his painful prostate. He was quite worried. I calmed him down by referring to it as Javelin Arse and said that I get it as well.
So, chaps get it too!

I also have endometriosis / ovarian cysts and get this very badly around ovulation. It's fluid from bleeding endometriosis or burst ovarian cysts collecting in the Pouch of Douglas which in turn puts pressure on nerves around the rectum.

When it hits me I can't move for a minute or so. Very unpleasant.

@Bonnieonthelam
MamTDM said it upthread, PROCTALGIA FUGAX

Apparently nobody knows what and why, men get it too. Dare I admit it's a long time since I've had it, I'm now in/post menopause (touch wood, throwing salt over shoulder, being absolutely paranoid if this is hybris to admit!) .

Never fear for I have the cure....
After many years of experimentation I have found the holy grail of javelin arse remedies...
Upon initial stabbings insert 1to2 germaloid suppositories and smear the area liberally with germaloid ointment, it totally numbs the fucker and gives blissful relief within minutes!!

You're welcome

Omg l just spat my tea out - used to get this loads when l had my period but not something l ever discussed so thought nobody ese had it!!!
Thank fuck l have had my menopause so these are just a distant memory now, never known pain like it!!

Along with a pp I'm sorry to tell you it doesn't disappear with the arrival of the menopause. Not as frequent, but I do still get the sudden gripping ' up the bum' pain (usually half way round the supermarket) that just takes all your breath away.

I have only hear about Javlin Arse in MN - and lucky I did too because we were driving to a family holiday to Cornwall and it happened to me. I insisted DH pull over so I could use the loo at a grotty roadside petrol station.

I've just tried to explain Javelin Arse to DH and he said "like the time you thought you had bum cancer and made me stop at the petrol station?" (I never actually said I thought I had bum cancer, I just said something was wrong!) He tells me he has never experienced Javelin Arse. -which explains the lack of sympathy--

It's like before he was ever stung by a bee or a wasp - when I was stung , he told me I was over reacting. When he was stung by a bee for the first time in his life he ran aroud screaming that he had a chemical burn Maybe one day he'll fully appreciate Javelin Arse and I'll have to take him to A&E!?

I've had javelin arse since my first child (thankfully both my parents prewarned me, so men do get it too!) and added javelin fanny during my period since having my second. If anyone has the cure for javelin fanny I would be most grateful.

@Ponoka7

Pinkfreesias "What on earth is javelin arse?"

It's a excruciating pain in your rectum that feels like someone has shoved a javelin up there.

Sadly it isn't caused by periods, because I'm fully through the menopause and still get it.

I'm racking my brain trying to think if I've had it since my menopause, and I don't think I have.

I certainly haven't had it in the last 10 years, and my menopause was 15 years ago.

Do men not get it, then?

The first time i experienced it I was well into my forties. I still get it now mid fifties.
It makes me curl up and whimper until it passes.

I’ll happily sign.

With dc2 my labour pains were solely, and exclusively, hours upon hours of the worst javelin arse imaginable. No one should have to go through that.

Just to add to previous posters although it is more common in women, men suffer from it too
DS has had it so bad in the past that he has collapsed at work and remained unconscious for long enough to be blue lighted to A n E (4 times in last 5 years)
Thankfully he does get some warning signs as has had to pull over in his car off road for a few hours to avert an accident
Normally he is stoic beyond belief so I assume far worse than my mild version of javelin arse!
He was referred to specialist neurologist and now has medication which helps if he gets enough warning signs

I’ve only had this once, pre menopause. So,so painful, had not a clue what was going on, but bloody bloody ouch. Horrendous.

If there are enough signatures it might get debated in parliament.

The javelin arse eradication debate.

I will happily sign your petition. It usually strikes me in the middle of the night waking me up. And it can't be anything to do with my cycle as I'm well through menopause

Signing up.
I've had to pause in the middle of lessons and tell the kids to get on with something while I grip the desk and try not to faint
I am well past menoause but get it just as much now as before.
My gynae said it's generally caused by the pouch of Douglas either filling with blood or emptying of blood (I can't remember which) I had a scan for endo as a lot of women who get JA have endo but I didn't.

I find crouching over myself almost in a sitting foetal position helps, as does hot shower pointing at your arse or hot water bottle and strong painkillers as soon as it comes on helps.

Proctalgia fugax (fugax-fleeting) is characterized by brief episodes of rectal pain. Although a common problem, information regarding this disorder is limited because the published medical literature consists mostly of anecdotal reports and small case series. Several prospective studies, however, have determined that the prevalence of proctalgia ranges from 3% to 14%.1 Proctalgia occurs worldwide and affects men and women of all races and socioeconomic status, although there appears to be a slight female predominance.

Is it a one off thing or can it last days? I’ve had this for the last 2 periods now so sounds familiar but mine lasts almost a week each time (post period) and then suddenly disappears!

Ooh I'd forgotten all about javelin arse. Fortunately I've not suffered since having DC but it used to plague me during my lady time each month.

JA, aka AD, proctalgia fugax - all this and more: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/4155019-stuff-you-think-must-happen-to-other-people-but-can-t-risk-asking?messages=100

Just looked up proctalgia fugax on Wikipedia. Apparently treatment includes electrocuting your arse or topical nitroglycerine. I'd imagine it's quite important not to combine the two...

I used to get it a lot when I was younger, usually if I was using a tampon and sat down 'funny'. Pain was definitely in my bum though, not actually from the tampon.

I do get it occasionally now, in fact I was woken by it several times last night, but from reading PPs descriptions I'm very lucky that it only lasts a few seconds. Certainly not long enough to run a bath!

I did not know that this had a name, medical or not! So glad to know I’m no longer alone!

My husband’s just found this thread and asked is this me posting 😂 I’ve been so bad this evening we’re about to start timing the “contractions” 😩
I mentioned it to a few friends last month and so many were like “you too?!”

Is this like a piles pain kind of thing? I get this pain where that area throbs in pain for like five mins or so - then will randomly subside. Is this Javelin Arse?! Or is piles pain more constant?

I had no idea what this was but maybe it's Javelin Arse! It never hurts so bad that I jump up or anything, but really, really throbs?!