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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

MIL not feeding baby

307 replies

JenIsAGem · 02/03/2021 08:42

10mo DS now spends Mondays at MIL house for childcare while me & DH both work on Mondays.
Drop off around 8am and pick up around 5pm.

She was very keen to follow our 'routine' and asked us to write it down for her so she could stick to it. He has 3-4 7oz bottles a day usually 7am, 11am, 2pm and 6pm. He usually drinks all his milk, as well as his 3 meals.

The first time MIL looked after him she tried to give him a bottle at 11am but said he didn't want it, only drank 2oz then refused the rest. I totally accepted this because it's all new to him, he was probably distracted and confused in a partially new environment. I held hope that because he refused this, he would easily take his afternoon bottle at 2pm.

When we picked DS up at 4:30pm I could tell he was cranky and tired but he had had a big day so that's what I put it down to. He had done really well.
She called later on in the evening after DS had went to sleep to have a general chat, (we all get on great and DH and her have a lovely relationship) we asked her why only 1 bottle had been used (we packed 3 just in case) and that's when she told us she didn't make him another bottle because she didn't want to waste more milk and he ate all his pasta for lunch anyway.
All day he only had a total of 9oz when it should've been 21oz by this point!

DH tried to express how important it was to feed him the afternoon bottle as he was really hungry, wasting milk isn't an issue at all and we would rather waste milk than DS go hungry.

Fast forward to yesterday, the is second time she looked after him and the same thing happened. She didn't give him his afternoon bottle, she said 'well he ate all of his pasta for lunch so I didn't bother'.
DH had made a point about giving him this bottle when he dropped him off in the AM, also by text just to remind her that he will probably be due his afternoon bottle soon etc.

When he got home we made him a bottle straight away. I've never seen DS so hungry, he was ravenous. He gulped down a 9oz bottle (usually drinks 7oz before bed) so fast it was gone in about 60 seconds. I felt so bad for him. He was so hungry, I know he's not ready to drop this afternoon bottle yet. His routine is working fine.

AIBU to be quite annoyed with MIL about this?

YABU - I wouldn't be annoyed
YANBU - I would be annoyed too

OP posts:

Easterbunnygettingready · 03/03/2021 11:36

I reckon the ddog will be getting a bowl of milk...

FreakinFrankNFurter · 03/03/2021 11:47

Surely if DS was that hungry/thirsty from missing milk he would have been a complete nightmare for MIL. Hungry and thirsty babies aren’t known for being reasonable creatures

Maybe she gave water/snacks, or he ate more of his meals because he wasn’t full of milk. Nearly 800ml of milk is a hell of a lot.

I agree with a pp, YANBU to be miffed MIL didn’t follow your routine but YA possibly BU to give a 10 month old so much milk, almost twice the recommended amount, without trying to encourage him to eat more food by making sure he’s actually hungry for food

Mostlylurkingiam · 04/03/2021 04:09

Gosh you sound very controlling, no wonder you baby won't settle in another house, saying she should feed upstairs so in silence, what the heck?! Children can get used to all sorts of noise etc. I suggest you make it clear you are worried hungry/thirsty but then actually trust she is an adult and is there with the baby so can make judgements on what they need. People get so uptight these days with exact routines etc, maybe relax a bit?!

Belice9222 · 04/03/2021 04:14

If I was you I would never leave the child with her (or anyone else beside) again, give up the job and be at home until he goes to the nursery or school. Poor baby.

maddiemookins16mum · 04/03/2021 05:50

@lottieree

Does he really need all that milk though when he's having 3 meals a day? Surely if he got home at 5pm he's ready for his evening meal, not a bottle?

Is she giving him water to drink? This seems like a lot of fuss over a bottle of milk. He's almost one, he's not a newborn being starved, he's eating full meals by the sounds of it.

This.

Original poster

JenIsAGem · 04/03/2021 08:51

@Mostlylurkingiam

I'm not controlling. It was MIL who asked for his routine to be written down for her so she could follow it. I was very happy with her taking it how she wanted to, but I'm sorry, feeding times and bottles just aren't something MIL gets to decide, there's no overruling allowed on that one IMO.

I was fully prepared for him to have missed/refused/had shortened naps but MIL seemed to manage that absolutely fine with no issues... so it was surprising to hear she had decided that he wasn't getting his afternoon bottle.

OP posts:

Nith · 04/03/2021 08:53

I don't quite understand what you're trying to say here. We use a cold water steriliser, with sterilising tablets, gets changed every 24 hours. The water is sterilising so always smells of steriliser. You take a bottle out when it's due to be used, so yes it will smell sterile

Well, no, it will smell of chemicals.

Original poster

JenIsAGem · 04/03/2021 10:00

@Nith

Well, no, it will smell of chemicals.

OP posts:

callmeadoctor · 04/03/2021 11:06

I didn't know that you could still cold sterilise bottles (every day a learning day). really wouldn't fancy sucking from a teat straight from milton though (I see above thats what Milton recommend). How odd (sorry, hijacking thread!!!)

Original poster

JenIsAGem · 04/03/2021 11:57

@callmeadoctor no problem haha.
I was really confused and worried about it at first too, we used to have an electric TT one but it was such a hassle so switched to cold water sterilising. Has been like this since he was about 4 months old, no problems at all. Followed all the instructions and even sterilised our own water bottles in the same way (totally separate to DS baby bottles!) and honestly it doesn't taste of anything. The smell fades gradually but it doesn't taste of chemicals at all.

OP posts:

ChocShot90 · 04/03/2021 21:24

I found the Milton fluid leaves less of a chemically smell than the tablets! We switched and it was way better!

WildfirePonie · 05/03/2021 11:37

I'd find a nursery for DS ASAP.

AnotherEmma · 09/03/2021 11:52

@JenIsAGem
How did it go yesterday?

Blondeshavemorefun · 09/03/2021 12:36

[quote AnotherEmma]**@JenIsAGem
How did it go yesterday?[/quote]
Waves

I was going to ask the same thing @AnotherEmma

@JenIsAGem did mil offer the milk

Original poster

JenIsAGem · 09/03/2021 13:11

Hello again! 😁

Well this time she offered too much milk at the wrong times 😂

Honestly I'm not mad. He was happy and enjoying himself, when he came home he was in a great mood so that puts my mind at rest.

DS actually dropped one of his bottles last week (how's that for timing... after getting a lashing about giving him too much milk 🙄) so now he only has 3 bottles (7oz 6:30am, 7oz 12:30pm and 7oz 6pm).

I thought this was a positive thing as it meant things would be easier and simpler for MIL since she only needed to give him one bottle and lunch.

DH spoke to her at 11am to check in and she said "yes he's fine he's had some milk but he kept pushing the bottle away he didn't want much" and obviously he told her "yes that's why I said 12:30, he won't be hungry yet. You'll need to offer him one in the afternoon now too since this one was too early"

When DH picked DS up, turns out she DID offer an afternoon bottle this time👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 he drank a few oz of this bottle.

So good because he had the correct amount of milk this time but again his routine wasn't exactly followed 🙄

You win some and you lose some right?

OP posts:

afternooncuppa · 09/03/2021 13:16

God, I wonder how your poor husband managed to survive being brought up by this neglectful woman! I'm surprised social services weren't involved!

You sound neurotic. Let's hope the woman who marries your neglected starving son doesn't treat you like this one day.

Blondeshavemorefun · 09/03/2021 13:25

So he’s dropped his mid am milk

Now has 1230

Is he full from lunch

Better to offer milk 2/3

Worknoplay · 09/03/2021 13:34

She probably thinks she's right. And in a way she is. At ten months old, if your DS is eating well, he may refuse the bottle. Maybe not with you, but that's probably because of comfort and attention he gets from his mum whilst being fed. He probably doesn't need it as much if it's with his nan.

If he drinks water, then once a week will do him absolutely no harm to skip a couple of bottles. Actually it could do you a favour. From 1 year old, it should be heading towards end of milk in a bottle anyway.

Youllbeoldertoo · 09/03/2021 15:56

@JenIsAGem you need to relax a bit.

OhCaptain · 09/03/2021 16:02

[quote Youllbeoldertoo]@JenIsAGem you need to relax a bit.[/quote]
She literally said she’s not mad. Ds is happy and her mind is at rest.

What does she need to relax about?

Original poster

JenIsAGem · 09/03/2021 16:09

@afternooncuppa

God, I wonder how your poor husband managed to survive being brought up by this neglectful woman! I'm surprised social services weren't involved!

You sound neurotic. Let's hope the woman who marries your neglected starving son doesn't treat you like this one day.

Sorry what?

OP posts:

Worldwide2 · 10/03/2021 07:01

@afternooncuppa

Er I think you sound neurotic, what on earth are you getting so worked up about 🤣

Youllbeoldertoo · 10/03/2021 07:18

@OhCaptain

Her routine wasn’t stuck to (as stated in her post) Her whole post just seems uptight. She needs to relax otherwise she’s going to drive herself mad.

Dustyhedge · 10/03/2021 08:57

I think you can safely ignore the Milton moans but I did read the thread agreeing with others that he was probably on too much milk and if he ate well and was happy, no harm done. Both of mine would have certainly let me know if they were starving so I’m sure he’d have been exceptionally cranky for your mil if he had been feeling bad.

Once I’d dropped to two, the morning bottle was always the most important one and last to go. Second bottle in the afternoon was always a bit variable. Sometimes downed and sometimes totally ignored. If you’re continuing with your mil doing childcare you need to be prepared that sometimes he will take it and sometimes won’t whatever she does.

OhCaptain · 10/03/2021 10:10

[quote Youllbeoldertoo]@OhCaptain

Her routine wasn’t stuck to (as stated in her post) Her whole post just seems uptight. She needs to relax otherwise she’s going to drive herself mad.[/quote]
I’m guessing you can’t be arsed to, or lack the ability to read past an opening post.

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