Wow this has got so many responses, didn't expect it to blow up so much!
I'm going to address some common things that keep coming up in the responses...
"Was he offered water or snacks from 12-5pm?"
I’m honestly not sure, I’ll be bringing this up when we talk about it.
I provide his sippy cup when he goes but it always comes back washed, dried and empty so I guess that’s a good sign? She’s done something with it rather than nothing.
"Isn't that way too much milk? He doesn't need that much he's nearly 1"
To all the comments regarding his milk intake, I don’t really care what your experience is with your own baby or your friends cousins baby because they are all different.
Regardless if people think it’s too much, that is mine and DH decision to make, no one else’s and especially not MIL’s.
Just read my post again to see what happened when he was withheld his bottle... he was starving! Is that not enough to prove that he is not ready to drop his milk intake just yet.
He was just under the 10th centile when born, but from about 3 months old had always been in the ‘correct’ size clothes for his age, he is perfectly healthy.
However much milk he drinks is NOT the point!
"He has 3 meals a day as well?"
When I said he has 3 meals maybe I should’ve been more clear in that he is ‘offered’ 3 meals, how much he wants of them is questionable... sometimes a lot and others not much at all. Again this is totally normal. He has been baby led weaned since about 7** months.
"Maybe she forgot or found it too hard to stick to your rigid schedule"
I have told her numerous times that it’s a rough guide, and regarding bottles those are the times he’s used to them, it’s generally every 4 hours he shows hunger cues (outside of BLW) and if he refuses the bottle just try it again in an hour or so. All the advice has changed and is changing all the time, you are no longer told to prepare formula or refrigerate it for the day etc. So I can’t prepare her bottles. All I asked regarding bottles was that she offers them, even if she didn’t think he was hungry. It’s no expense to her, I pay for his milk and I’m happy to let it to go waste rather than starve my child. She managed to time his naps perfectly as well, so the routine clearly isn’t hard to follow.
Also why ask for my routine and say you want to stick to it if you honestly think you know best? Pointless.
"Did she offer it and he refused? How would you even know?"
She didn’t offer the PM bottle at all, we use Milton cold water steriliser and it smells very strong. On both occasions there has been 2 unused still smelling of steriliser bottles and 1 bottle that she’s used and washed. It’s very obvious that she didn’t offer it, along with her openly saying that she didn’t.
"Have you spoken to HV about his milk intake?"
Again, not the point here. But my HV called me this morning to set up his 9-12 month telephone review (covid means no face to face). So I will be discussing this with her soon.
"Just be grateful for free child care"
I am SO grateful you have no idea. DS was born in lockdown and it has been full on having no break, all on me and DH. We are extremely grateful for their help. PIL are excited about having DS as they have barely seen him in his first year of life. They’ve been begging us to drop him off for the day even during lockdown so they can see him, obviously it wasn’t safe but now we have no choice with work commitments.
"Don't ruin a good relationship over this"
I wouldn’t ever just snap at her or start an argument over this. That’s not how we are as a family, we talk things through. That’s exactly what we will be doing. Just happy to see I’m not alone in feeling angry that my child was handed back to me starving and tired.