To think obtaining a nursing degree as a single mum...

[PurpleReigns]

...with 3 children and no support will be hard, but is manageable?

I applied last year and was offered a place at university, however, my marriage broke down and so I deferred to this year. I’m now starting this September. I have DC, 10, 12 and 15. No family nearby, friends that will help out on occasion, with the youngest at least. exDH not reliable with contact.

I am getting on in age and feel if I don’t do it this year that will be the end and I’ll be stuck in dead end jobs for the rest of my life. I will need to do an access course if I were to try again to start with...

I have had a few looks from people about doing it this year, so want to see what MN thinks.

AIBU to think studying a nursing degree as a single mum is achievable?

Also , there's plenty of M-F , 9-5 jobs. You can be a nurse without working shifts.
If you want to work on a ward, some (whereI work) let you do set shifts.

Just do it. You will find a way through it for sure.
Apply. Speak to the uni re placements. I am sure it will all work out!
I am doing a social work degree, placements, I also work 24 hours a week and I'm a single parent and have 4 children under 11. It's difficult and I have no social life but I've been surprised how much more motivated I am compared with some of my cohort, I'd say most of the mature students on my course are committed, motivated and work hard. I've been offered a degree of flexibility with the placements due to childcare and I'm sure this will extend to most unis. They want you to succeed!!
Between now and spetember get a head start find the course books and read them now for an hour or 2 a day. It will take the pressure off in September. You will start to become familiar with the language used. Ou do some courses free on academic writing, do one now before you start.
Chilcare will be fine and don't worry baout it now until the time. Hire a babysitter perhaps local older lady who may enjoy minding your kids, a mum needing some extra cash they are out there!! As well as breakfast and after school drop off clubs. Your 16 year old surely can look after himself a few hours though not the younger ones. I think people forget 16 yer old were in paid employment not so long ago. It's ridiculous to think at 16 he cannot cope with mum being outt the house.
Don't let negative people on mn put you off. Plenty of people do this kind of thing and there is supportive unis out there. Open days were great at finding out uni specifics though guess these aren't happening with covid.
Best of luck in a few years you will have the carer of your dreams. Do it.

What kind of 11 year olds do some of these posters know, who need someone in the morning to get them up??? That’s secondary school age! Why the hell would someone that age need or want a babysitter? In fact I’m pretty sure at that age neighbours were asking ME to babysit. And I’m young, this isn’t one of those “back in the 1950s” things.

You need childcare.
Late shifts may not finish until 8 or 9 pm. Who supervises homework and makes dinner?
Who gets them out to school when your shift starts at 7am?

Aside from placements, the academic demands are full on and you will need to spend evenings in the library at times.

By all means, go for it but not at the expense of your children's wellbeing.

I'd go for it, next years cohort will still be a lot at home. At 14 I was looking after 3 kids from school till there mum (nurse) got in about 9. I'd collect the kids, feed them, homework, bath and bed them for a week every three weeks.

If it’s your last chance you need to get on and do it. I’d check out your options - I would also look at Physio, OT, Social Work (if you would qualify), so if nursing does seem too much you might have options. But as far as I understand it there is a need for more nurses, so talk to the uni about how helpful they will be.

I haven’t read every page of this - do you have a back up if your 16 year old decides they don’t want to be as helpful as you anticipate?

Other than that I think that some of the PPs on this thread, while being well meaning and child focused, are also being unrealistic. Not everyone can achieve an ideal balance of work and home all the time - it’s a fantasy middle class ideal which we could all do with dropping from our arsenal of weapons with which to beat ourselves. Sometimes parents have to work longer hours than they want for the long term good, sometimes kids have to step up, it sounds like yours are able and being independent young may stand them in good stead. It may not be ideal to ask a 16 year old to help with childcare, but it won’t do him any harm - and if it’s that or not train - then clearly it’s better to ask him (but have a back up.)

The thing c MN is people are in vastly different financial positions. It may be hard for other posters to imagine themselves into a situation where they are at the last chance moment to train for a career, and secure a decent future.

Definitely the right decision to go for it - just consider all your options, lean hard on the uni, and plan for all the scenarios.

OP when your 16 year old is 18 you will have a 12/13 year old. I suppose the question is, are you always going to be able to rely on your older children to look after the younger children? If so, are they onboard?

Is your oldest planning on going to university? If they leave home at 18 will you be able to manage the childcare?

You can certainly do this and congratulations on getting a place.

I find that my students in similar positions to you are motivated and very driven. It will not be easy, there is a lot of hard work but it is only 3 years, it will fly, then you sell your books and you can take a mon to fri OPD job if that is what suits you as soon as you're qualified.
You have got this!

OP I’m a third year nursing student. I do have a dp who I have just moved in with but he’s not my ds’s dad. It is hard but to be honest I find the academic side much harder. I do have a lot of family support so my experience is totally different from yours and I’m sure I’m repeating what others have said but thought I’d just summarise my experience
-LOADS of single parents in my class
-most placements have been really flexible although there was one that would not change any shifts AT ALL but I had my full shifts 6 weeks in advance so could plan around them
-I’ve done 4 nights in 2 and a half years, some have done none, some have done 50. All depends on the ward/your mentor etc.
-shifts I’ve done are 7-7.30, have to be at the hospital for 6.30 at the latest to find parking and since Covid to get changed
-always left on time, never left a ward later then my shift but nurses have stayed on of course

• loads of money available, extra £7000 this year on top of loans (before moving in with my dp, my student loan total + parental grant was about £15,000 and now the £7000 on top)

-can claim back childcare fees

• as long as you’re flexible and don’t go in saying I can’t do any weekends or nights they’re usually pretty good

-I actually enjoyed nights! It’s good to get a varied view -I’ve done 2 9-5/Monday-Friday placements (community and outpatients) and in fact I found these the hardest to juggle childcare as someone had to pick up/drop of ds and his school don’t have any wrap around care -if childcare falls through and you genuinely cannot make a shift then ring the ward and explain. Granted they aren’t happy about it and it should only be if you literally have no other choice but the hours can be made up.

My training is coming to an end and I can’t tell you how fast the 3 years have gone by.

Oh yes, for the foreseeable your 50% theory is likely to be at home. That may help.
Also, for Placement, when you ring in advance clarify the types of shift they do and plan your childcare around it as best you can. It really is possible.

I did it as a single mum, it was tough but doable.
However if I had my time again I'd have trained as an NHS podiatrist first - I did that later on in life.
The reason being NHS podiatry is more family friendly, it's the same grades, pay and career progression but the hours are 9-5 with weekends off and Christmas and bank holidays off.
Nursing was just so hard to find childcare for because you will be doing nights, days, weekends and bank holidays and it's almost impossible to find care during those times unless you have family to look after them.
Also podiatry is interesting but you run clinics and it's a lot less stressful than nursing. A lot of the modules are done with the nurses and physios.

@Elisheva

Is your oldest planning on going to university? If they leave home at 18 will you be able to manage the childcare?

But then the youngest will be 12 or 13?!?! Unless the teenager has ridiculously high levels of special needs, what on earth kind of “childminding” do they need?!?

Definitely do able as long as you have childcare to cover the unsociable shifts. It'll be hard work but worth it.

Universities will claim to be flexible with placements, but in reality aren't particularly. Especially if doing Paediatrics as placements are already fewer and far between. (Paediatrics is the best job ever!)

What about summer holidays?

Point being if 18 year old leaves home you can’t leave 12/13 year old home alone overnight for 12 hour shifts regularly so they will need someone there.
Personally I think it’s fraught with issues. You need the 15 year old for it to work. That’s a lot on them. If they want to go out with friends, sleepover etc they can’t if you are working. It’s not occasionally babysitting it’s effectively acting as parent to the younger 2.
Starting and dropping out would be worse. Can you speak to uni and see exactly what is involved and what childcare funding there is.

Why can’t you leave a 12/13 year old overnight occasionally? They’re old enough to have a part time job, to be dating people, to be studying for exams. I really don’t underhand this idea of treating teenagers like toddlers?

If you are determined I would go for it & you can find a way to arrange childcare

Otherwise you will always wonder what if

Plenty of responible 16 year olds or older to help out

Why can’t you leave a 12/13 year old overnight occasionally? They’re old enough to have a part time job, to be dating people, to be studying for exams. I really don’t underhand this idea of treating teenagers like toddlers?

I have an eleven year old none of these things are doable for him? An 11 or 12 year old is not a teenager and the expectations above are crazy, giving too much responsibility at a young / innapropriate age is poor parenting.

My 11, almost 12 year old is nowhere near old enough to have a part time job or to be dating anyone. The exams he studies for are his Christmas and summer assessments. Because he’s in his first year of secondary. Not university.

The problem I can see is that I've got 3 dc, a little older but around teen years.

You've put it to them.
They've seen it as a great adventure. Of course oldest will look after youngest, youngest says they'll be as good as gold. All sounds lovely. Mine would have said the same.

But you're not talking about a week, you're not even talking about a month. It's long term.

I suspect you'll find the youngest starts resenting the oldest "you're not my mum, you can't tell me what to do". The oldest then has to decide whether to exert their authority, or let them do as they want. They then feel responsible for when things go wrong.

You've also got when your 16yo wants to go off with a friend, stay late at school for a GCSE catch up session, get a job, just go down to the park and kick a football about for an hour-suddenly they can't. Then at 18yo they're off to uni, what if they feel they can't go because they're needed at home?

What about holidays, are you expecting the 16yo to look after the other two? What if the 16yo's sick and can't look after them? Or the younger ones, when they're home from school? Inset days? Who looks after them?

You will be changing their relationship from that of sibling to caregiver.

Thing is I would totally trust my eldest (and would done at 14/15yo) to look after the younger ones. However it wouldn't have been a good idea. Yes she did look after them very well at times. Long term it would not have been good for their relationship.

Just a thought but have you considered Occupational Therapy as an alternative. The placement hours are generally a lot more family friendly and my friend who did it as a single mum recently, had a lot of support from her uni.

@Cheeeeislifenow

Why can’t you leave a 12/13 year old overnight occasionally? They’re old enough to have a part time job, to be dating people, to be studying for exams. I really don’t underhand this idea of treating teenagers like toddlers?

I have an eleven year old none of these things are doable for him? An 11 or 12 year old is not a teenager and the expectations above are crazy, giving too much responsibility at a young / innapropriate age is poor parenting.

I suspect this meant the 12 year old would be in the care of an older sibling who would be old enough for those things.