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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think obtaining a nursing degree as a single mum...

207 replies

PurpleReigns · 01/03/2021 18:49

...with 3 children and no support will be hard, but is manageable?

I applied last year and was offered a place at university, however, my marriage broke down and so I deferred to this year. I’m now starting this September. I have DC, 10, 12 and 15. No family nearby, friends that will help out on occasion, with the youngest at least. exDH not reliable with contact.

I am getting on in age and feel if I don’t do it this year that will be the end and I’ll be stuck in dead end jobs for the rest of my life. I will need to do an access course if I were to try again to start with...

I have had a few Hmm looks from people about doing it this year, so want to see what MN thinks.

AIBU to think studying a nursing degree as a single mum is achievable?

OP posts:
wewillmeetagain · 01/03/2021 20:07

What about an au-pair? Cheaper than a nanny but there overnight and for school runs etc .

hibbledibble · 01/03/2021 20:10

Yanbu, especially since your children are older. If you look up the NHS bursary, you will find more details about childcare and other grants.

TalkingIntoTheEther · 01/03/2021 20:13

Speak to the uni, there were several single parents on my nursing degree course and both the uni and placements were very accommodating. Even though I didn’t have children at that point I only did three night shifts during the course, and at the start of each placement I went through the rota with my mentor and picked my own shifts, this was fairly standard. And when I qualified I went straight into the community so no antisocial hours (in my service anyway!), I have actually found nursing a very family friendly career.

Cheesypea · 01/03/2021 20:32

Do it, don't live a life of regrets. There are only so many placement days and the course starts with theory. There are many community/ outpatient settings with no night shifts. Having said that I'd beg someone to stay overnight for any night shifts or consider childcare. Good luck x

CandyLeBonBon · 01/03/2021 20:50

His many of you saying 'go for it' expected your 15 y/o to co-parent your younger children?

CandyLeBonBon · 01/03/2021 20:52

@zippy90

My gosh this was a little bit depressing, it was my pipe dream but will have 3 very small children. Guess it's out 💔
What are your circumstances? Sometimes it's just about timing?
titchy · 01/03/2021 20:52

@CandyLeBonBon

His many of you saying 'go for it' expected your 15 y/o to co-parent your younger children?
That may well not be required. As I said unis are often understanding of single parent students.
uhtredsonofuhtred1 · 01/03/2021 22:07

I'm a social work student and can easily avoid the shift work placements. I've waited until my children are all in school until I've started my studies, I mean this year totally cocked my very well laid plans up but I did try! My youngest 2 kids are much younger than yours but the older 2 are 14&13 and even though they don't "need" me for food prep and homework supervision they do need me for emotional support still. I'm glad in a way that I've been at home studying for my 1st year as it's allowed me to iron out any creases in my plans and for the kids to get used to me not being as available.

I use a childminder and any OSTED approved childcare is paid for (85%) by a grant. My uni have a lot of financial support available for lone parents or people on low incomes too. My childminder has recently stopped working though so I've been considering hiring a nanny (I am so far from posh though it feels like they'd just laugh at me!!).

If I were you I would get in touch with uni and get as much info as possible regarding placements. Be totally honest about your situation and see if there's any help/support/consideration for single parents. Also, get firmer plans in place from your ex, friends and family with regards to how much support they will offer. Be aware that people change their mind once they actually start looking after your kids though so have back ups in place. I would 100% do it in your position though.

Nuitsdesetoiles · 01/03/2021 22:19

@1FootInTheRave

I know I'm repeating myself but listen to Lollipop upthread. It's too much for the elder child. The expectation is unfair and I think it may damage your relationship. I speak from similar experience. Plus, if she procures a job etc it will screw you up anyway.

Nursing and midwifery are in no way shape or form family friendly, nor flexible. The service needs always come first.

I don't agree they're not family friendly. They've have flexible working arrangements and when I went back to work after having DC I did days she hours that suited me and purchased extra leave.

The non NHS healthcare company after thiswas a lot more corporate in their attitude, insisting on certain hours and conditions. I left due to the nazi attitude of my manager (who had kids). My manager in the NHS was great... And she'd not even had kids!

CandyLeBonBon · 01/03/2021 22:34

@titchy that's not what I asked.

titchy · 01/03/2021 22:53

[quote CandyLeBonBon]@titchy that's not what I asked. [/quote]
Confused I was just pointing out that your question may well be irrelevant.

FantasticRik1 · 01/03/2021 23:03

I’m sorry but I would suggest waiting until your children are older. I trained in my 30’s with primary school aged children and family support and it was still HARD.

Some, but not all of my mentors were flexible with shifts and although you don’t need to work with your mentor 40% of the time anymore, if you are rostered on for nights, then nights it is. Long days days were 07.00 - 8pm.

Balancing long days / nights on placement along with academic assignments and being a Mum, with no support would be very difficult. I personally think you’d be spreading yourself too thinly.

I may have missed how old you are but there is plenty of time. One of the students in my cohort was in her 50’s.

AlrightTreacle · 01/03/2021 23:05

I'm a bit bemused at people suggesting a childminder or live in au pair for children who are 11, 13 and 16. But I grew up as a 'latch key' kid and turned out fine Grin.

Do it OP; when I did my training you weren't actually allowed to do any night shifts at all in your first year, and then there was a limit on how many you could do. Nights will be a very small part of your training. Most places will be fairly flexible with your placements if you have childcare issues.

P.S. have you looked into the nursing associate role and training at all?

DownstairsMixUp · 01/03/2021 23:07

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

DareIask · 01/03/2021 23:11

When you qualify and the youngest is 13, and the eldest may well have left home you are very likely to work more shifts than you did as a student.

Unless you manage to secure a post in the community or similar your childcare problems will carry on. Is that manageable?

AlrightTreacle · 01/03/2021 23:15

Nursing and midwifery are in no way shape or form family friendly, nor flexible. The service needs always come first.

Personally I think nursing is ridiculously flexible and family friendly. Where I work, "family friendly hours" and set shifts are a thing for people with kids. You can choose to work somewhere with long day and night shifts and have more days off, or choose somewhere with shorter day shifts and have a more 'normal' work life balance. Or you can choose to just work on the "bank" or with an agency and just pick up shifts as and when you want. One of my friends works on the bank and just does 2 night shifts a week; she takes home more than muggins over here working full time at the top of band 5 (though no amount of money would get me to work nights again) Grin.

VivaLeBeaver · 01/03/2021 23:20

Even without night shifts the day shifts may be harder. If they start at 7:30am, some may even start at 7am. You’ll have to leave the house well before 7am, nearer 6:30am. So either you get all the kids up and ready at 5:30am and leave them to make their own way to school or rely on the 15yo. Neither are good.

zippy90 · 01/03/2021 23:30

@CandyLeBonBon soon to have 3 under 4, plenty of family support in normal times. With father of children but it's rocky. Did hope to start when the oldest two are in full time school, but now I'm not so sure. I've got a virtual open day soon so hopefully will get to ask some questions.

shrodingersbiscuit · 01/03/2021 23:31

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ.

Lbnc2021 · 01/03/2021 23:34

You can’t expect your 16 year old to basically co-parent. What if they decide they just don’t want to?

Cloudyrainsham · 01/03/2021 23:38

Totally doable. My mums id it when we were much younger.

You’ll work it out. At least your 15 year old can watch the other two.

UhtredRagnarson · 01/03/2021 23:41

We were bloody fine when mum was on nights as kids - and my brother was WILD. We sometimes played up a bit, I know I had my boyfriend round when I wasn’t allowed while mum was on nights and my brother wouldn’t be in when he was supposed to be but mum certainly wasn’t the only single parent in the same position and we just got on with it.

So not bloody fine then. Your mum didn’t know where her 11/12 year old son was at night or who her 13 daughter was with. Hmm

NurseButtercup · 01/03/2021 23:55

Definitely achievable, I didn't do any night shifts when I was a student. I qualified in December 2020.

Can I suggest that you join the student nursing groups on Facebook and post your question? I think you'll get some really helpful suggestions.

kwiksavenofrillsusername · 01/03/2021 23:58

My mum trained when I was a teenager. She had long shifts, night shifts and a lot of academic work, so it was tough. The main difference is that my grandparents were local, so able to stay when she had night shifts or pop round to make dinner if she was working into the evening. Even as a very sensible 16 year old, I wouldn’t have wanted to take care of my siblings alone at night so I’m glad that wasn’t asked of me when I got to that age.

That said, in a couple of years it might be worth revisiting again. In the meantime you could do your access course and get some experience. There’s no real age limit for nursing. Lots of people do it in their 40s and up, as long as you can cope with the physical side.

Cheeeeislifenow · 02/03/2021 00:02

I think it's really imposing on your 16 year old. I think it would be doable but you need paid child care. Your 16 year old shouldn't have to sacrifice their teen years so you can achieve your dreams. Is an au pair, nanny a possibility?