To think obtaining a nursing degree as a single mum...

[PurpleReigns]

...with 3 children and no support will be hard, but is manageable?

I applied last year and was offered a place at university, however, my marriage broke down and so I deferred to this year. I’m now starting this September. I have DC, 10, 12 and 15. No family nearby, friends that will help out on occasion, with the youngest at least. exDH not reliable with contact.

I am getting on in age and feel if I don’t do it this year that will be the end and I’ll be stuck in dead end jobs for the rest of my life. I will need to do an access course if I were to try again to start with...

I have had a few looks from people about doing it this year, so want to see what MN thinks.

AIBU to think studying a nursing degree as a single mum is achievable?

Yes it will be hard work but doable. I did my midwifery training as a single parent, and my 3 were much younger when I started. You could look at if there are any nanny agencies locally or childminders that cater for shift work, particularly for the younger one to male it easier on your eldest. You will be able to claim the childcare grant. There is the new training bursary which means you will be able to access more funds than when I trained. If you do end up relying on your eldest for the night shifts, then you should be able to afford to pay them.
You and your children will have go work together to .ake it happen, but will be worth it for all of you. Good luck!

With no support it won’t be possible. You need someone either paid or unpaid who is committed to looking after you DC overnight and early mornings/late evenings when you are on placement which could be anywhere.

Your 15 year old is not appropriate. It’s not fair on them at all.

My friend managed with similar aged children she had good neighbours/friends and paid for childcare for the youngest. When the oldest was 16 she did paid babysitting for her Mum but she still used paid childcare too.

I teach nurses at Uni OP and I think with good problem solving skills and high levels of organisation it's doable! The shifts will be the issue, earlies and lates aren't too bad, it's the nights. However community placements are A LOT more flexible. A lot of unis have support for students in this position, financial/practical. You don't have to spend 40% of your time with your mentor anymore so there's less rigidity there. A lot of the theory will stay blended learning now so some F2F some online which is helpful for everyone.

Wishing you all the best... Where there's a will there's a way! Not exactly the same but I managed a clinical role with young children in my own, husband working away, no family support and sometimes quite unpredictable occurrences at work. It's tough but it can be done, and once qualified most places have flexible working policies and will offer part time etc.

I think you should go for it ( I was a single parent but I did have help).
Depending on your pathway there may not be many nights.
Lots of academic work / assignments etc.
I find the unis and placements now quite helpful.
Good luck 🤞🏼

How would I find that sort of childcare? There will be occasions that their DF will have them I’m sure but I am trying to look at it with worst case scenario. We are walking distance to the younger DC school’s and the eldest will be going to sixth form 10 minutes down the road. We are very well positioned for uni, placements and schools/colleges.

If you think your 16yo can get themselves up, get the others up and out of bed for school then I guess so. Can the 16yo then cook dinner for all of them and make sure homework gets done?

It does seem a lot to put on them.

But it’s 50/50 placement and theory. So when you’re in theory it will be fine. Some placements may be clinic type placements with better hours. When on wards and doing shifts if you do long shifts or nights it’s normally only 3 shifts a week.

@Nuitsdesetoiles

I teach nurses at Uni OP and I think with good problem solving skills and high levels of organisation it's doable! The shifts will be the issue, earlies and lates aren't too bad, it's the nights. However community placements are A LOT more flexible. A lot of unis have support for students in this position, financial/practical. You don't have to spend 40% of your time with your mentor anymore so there's less rigidity there. A lot of the theory will stay blended learning now so some F2F some online which is helpful for everyone.

Wishing you all the best... Where there's a will there's a way! Not exactly the same but I managed a clinical role with young children in my own, husband working away, no family support and sometimes quite unpredictable occurrences at work. It's tough but it can be done, and once qualified most places have flexible working policies and will offer part time etc.

Thank you - this is really helpful

@VivaLeBeaver

If you think your 16yo can get themselves up, get the others up and out of bed for school then I guess so. Can the 16yo then cook dinner for all of them and make sure homework gets done?

It does seem a lot to put on them.

But it’s 50/50 placement and theory. So when you’re in theory it will be fine. Some placements may be clinic type placements with better hours. When on wards and doing shifts if you do long shifts or nights it’s normally only 3 shifts a week.

I’m assuming if I’m on nights I will be back in time for this?

The eldest will be 19 by the time you complete your course. It seems doable to me but it depends on how mature your kids are.

There will be occasions that their DF will have them I’m sure

You need to discuss that with him and get a firm commitment before relying on him doing it.

Worth considering that your training trust may not be your nearest.

And even a 30 minute commute equates to leaving at least an hour before to accommodate bloody parking and walking to the area etc.

Again, please don't put the childcare on the 16 yo. It really isn't fair. It's too much and will be a huge impact on their life. Please consider this.

I think it’s really unfair to use your 16 year old as childcare for the others while you do placements. They should be concentrating on their own education at that crucial stage not worrying about getting dinner for younger kids, supervising their homework etc.

I’m assuming if I’m on nights I will be back in time for this?

For breakfast? Shifts can over run. Sometimes by quite a lot.

Nights at my trust are 8/8.

I don't get back for school and I live 10 mins away. Changing back into civvies, walking to car and shit traffic means I get home around 0845/9.

100% doable. Won’t be easy and you’ll feel like giving up sometimes but if your all onboard it’s 100% worth it. I trained as a single parent when my DD was 4 and I’ve landed on my feet in a job I love. Go for it. X

Doubtful. I trained at a hospital 15 mins from me. Night shift finished at 8am.. you need a handover time so the night shift don’t walk off as the day shift walk on. Leaving at 8am was if we got off on time, didn’t always happen. By the time I’d changed, walked to my car it was 8:30 am by the time I got home.

If my kids had still all being in bed asleep when I walked through the door they’d have been fucked.

They absolutely would not need to worry about the younger two doing homework etc! For a start they will both be going to ‘homework club’ after school. They are all quite capable and mature. They all regularly cook and can fix themselves a simple meal. I plan on batch cooking and having meals that they can just heat up, but they can all cook pasta / omelettes / heat a pizza etc.

Bear in mind that at 16 your child will soon be looking for some part time work themselves and that will be evening and weekend work while they are still in school/university. And they are also going to have some sort of social life too. They shouldnt feel unable to do that due to having to care for siblings.

@PurpleReigns

My eldest will be 16 at the beginning of next year, and assuming nights are 7-7 I think they would be OK?

How old is your youngest?

@Bonitalazenia

Absolutely doable! I trained when my son was 5 and I was a single parent. I used childminders. It was difficult but well worth it as I needed to build a future for both of us.

One is very different to three

Have you looked into bursaries? There's a childcare element you can apply for, although it's got to be for registered childcare www.nhsbsa.nhs.uk/nhs-bursary-students/what-you-could-get

The drop out rate for nursing courses is something like 30% plus. Most people drop out because of stuff like money, childcare issues or relationship breakdowns which cause money and or childcare issues. You need to be sure it will work.

Ok so the AM will be an issue then. Perhaps a childminder to pick them up and take them to school? They are very good at getting up and ready (early birds!)

Have you considered another health care degree? Occupational therapy, physio, speech and language therapy, cardiac physiology? All of these have absolute minimum night shifts. I'm coming to the end of a degree in one of these areas and no one on my course has ever worked a night shift. And the staff are very accommodating to student parents (at my uni anyway). My dream was to do midwifery but I changed it because my husband works nights on a rota so we would have sometimes clashed. Take nights out of the equation and things get much more doable.

Good luck! It will definitely be worth it in three years when you're about to graduate!