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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think this isn't normal? Really intense celeb crush

371 replies

CrumpetCity · 28/02/2021 16:11

I've been on here for years but name-changed as I'm so embarrassed Blush

To give a bit of context I'm 36, married with a two year old and a six year old and have a busy, stressful full time job that has been made more difficult by the pandemic. I had bad PND and anxiety after DC2 and have mostly recovered but still have my moments. I am also peri-menopausal, not sure if that's relevant but I suppose it might be.

I feel so ridiculous even writing this but over the past couple of months or so I have developed a very intense crush on a particular celebrity and I'm worried it's gotten out of hand.

It started after I had a very vivid sexual dream about them. Prior to that I'd always liked this person's work and thought they seemed nice but not thought about them in 'that' way. But I found myself thinking about this dream whenever I needed a bit of (ahem) 'me time'. I know this isn't unusual in itself but over time I then started day-dreaming about this person too, imagining scenarios in my head involving us meeting and embarking on some sort of passionate love affair. I've been spending too much time looking at their photos and content online, YouTube clips of them etc which is the sort of thing I'd expect from a teenager not a grown woman who is normally quite sensible! This is incredibly embarrassing to admit, but I've even found myself occasionally choosing my outfits based on what I imagine they might like and listening to music I think they might be into (although this does align very closely with my own tastes anyway) which I know is beyond ridiculous.

The fantasy day-dream scenarios are happening daily and have become increasingly detailed. In them I am always single, child-free, enjoying a creative and fulfilling career that is lucrative but also somehow affords me bags of free time and living in a small but beautifully decorated flat (which I could describe in detail at this point!) with no stair-gates, laundry and plastic toys everywhere. This is a far cry from my real day to day life which, although I know I'm lucky in many ways, I confess to having felt somewhat trapped by recently especially with lockdown and everything. I think this started out as a bit of escapism but I'm worried it's making me more dissatisfied with my real life.

To be clear, I know none of this is real. I would never dream of actually trying to contact this person, nor am I operating under some delusional belief that we have a 'connection' or anything! I also know that if our paths crossed in real life (which is vanishingly unlikely) they would not look twice at me, although I used to turn heads when I was younger. Maybe that's part of it, struggling with the fact that those years are behind me and I'm just a frumpy Mum.

Has anyone else ever felt like this or am I the only one? More importantly, how the hell do I make it stop?? I know the obvious solution seems to be "just stop thinking about him" but I've tried that!

OP posts:
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Oysterbabe · 28/02/2021 20:33

My daydreams usually involve Joaquin Phoenix. I'm obsessed with him.

CornedBeef451 · 28/02/2021 20:33

@TheRattleBag oh my! I once had a disturbingly erotic dream about Terry Wogan but the orange man wins hands down.

MrsTophamHat · 28/02/2021 20:40

I had one if those dreams about Greg James a few years ago. Definitely a romantic rather than sexual dream; it was very vivid and was all that kind of intense infatuation when you first meet someone and it's all very firtatious and highly charged. It really stays with you!

ButterflyBitch · 28/02/2021 20:40

I’m pretty sure I’ve had a crush on David Tennant about as long as I’ve been with my husband. Blush daydreaming about someone who’s not real life and poses no threat to your relationship is fabulous.
Dh does know that if I had the chance with DT then I’d be gone. Grin he is top of my laminated list.

CornedBeef451 · 28/02/2021 20:41

Mine flit backwards and forward in time so I do also fantasise about living together and being annoyed about him travelling so much and what animals we could have, as well as how we met.

Plus I can't not have my DCs so I have to tweak the timeline so I can have them but with the imaginary dad.

I have a few on the go so I can mix it up a bit. I have a sci-fi one involving Vin Deisel as Riddick after a rather exciting dream, plus an occasional one with Sarah Shahi from the L Word.

smellyolddog · 28/02/2021 20:48

@Jayneisagirlsname I do this!

Pulledamonica · 28/02/2021 20:48

You're on an anonymous forum, just tell us 😂

babbaloushka · 28/02/2021 21:03

I'll tell mine if you tell yours...

babbaloushka · 28/02/2021 21:04

I'd actually quite like to try this, I dont get intense daydreams where I can focus on that level of detail.

CrumpetCity · 28/02/2021 21:16

Thinking about it now, maybe by trying to stop myself having these thoughts I've done the opposite and made them more persistent? Maybe if I just "relax and enjoy it" as pp are saying, instead of worrying whether it's weird or I'm doing it too much, then the thoughts will stop of their own accord.

OP posts:
BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 28/02/2021 21:26

@greenfrogs1

There must be a million women like this with Cillian Murphy 🤤
My brother lives near Cillian Murphy. He says that he's teeny tiny and scrawny in real life. He's all cheekbones for the camera but in real life without a lighting expert he just looks malnourished. Plus, because all the 'hard' teen boys have copied the Peeky Blinders hair, Cillian looks like he's about to rob your car until the work haircut grows out. Grin
Doyoumind · 28/02/2021 21:40

I'm a life long maladaptive daydreamer. It has been both a good comfort at times and had a detrimental impact - taking my focis away from things I need to focus on. In fact I posted on a thread about it last year saying I had pretty much stopped, but the thread reminded me how cosy it could be and I started up again Confused

Plus I'm permimenopausal. So I started fancying someone I wouldn't ever have thought about previously. At the moment it's enjoyable escapism though, but there's always the danger of it going beyond that.

RedLlama · 28/02/2021 21:43

@FoxyTheFox

There must be a million women like this with Cillian Murphy

🤢

He looks like a thumb.

I think he looks like he is made out of play doh
CoffeeRunner · 28/02/2021 21:48

I’m sort of like this with Giovanni Pernice (even though there’s a very strong chance he’s gay).

It’s totally harmless isn’t it? You’re not stalking the actual person?

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 28/02/2021 21:50

I had an imaginary crush, which was difficult to talk myself out of because if he's not real then he has no flaws at all. He was particularly useful when I had insomnia, because as well as being the perfect romantic hero he lived in the future in a sort of post apocalyptic environment. So while trying to fall asleep I could distract my buzzing brain by building the world and society around my crush.

He looked a bit like Gwilym Pugh but not exactly the same. Over time the future world became just as interesting as the crush, although I'm still very fond of him.

I think it's something that I do when I'm under stress. Sometimes I do it deliberately to stop my mind obsessing on a stressor. Like when I was having IVF I built an entire house in my mind. I could walk through it. If I was sad about another round of IVF failing then I would pick a room and completely fit it out, right down to the sockets and light fittings.

calmearth · 28/02/2021 21:58

Well I'm glad this is a totally normal thing! This is how I feel about Henry Cavill. I daydream about our complex relationship to get to sleep at night. I used to do it with my favorite singer through my teens & twenties too, our child would be 18 this year 😆.

kooked · 28/02/2021 21:59

I think I'd be less mortified if it was someone who is generally considered a bit of a heart throb, at least then I'd understand it, but it's really quite random.

Nothing wrong with that. I hate the words weird or guilty crush ... like the aesthetically pleasing type are the only people worth swooning over.
I much prefer funny, good personalities. Vanity is the least attractive quality in a man for me.

So yeah, mine is not regarded as a heart throb either Grin

Orangelover · 28/02/2021 22:06

Another one here.

I have a raging celeb crush atm. Only a couple of close friends know and my OH bless him who also happens to like this person although not on my level Grin

I've had them come and go over time but this one is pretty intense. I have tried to push them from my mind but with lockdown and little else to occupy myself here we are. I've just accepted that I'll enjoy it for now and hope that when life gets back to normal it'll fade a bit. Although I've always been a bit of a fan girl at heart so I'm sure when I'm over my current crush someone else will come along and take the place Blush

KnitFastDieWarm · 28/02/2021 22:07

Totally normal! I’ve had various imaginary flings over the years, all gloriously varied - greg davies, harrison ford, rihanna, laura prepon, peter capaldi, gregory peck, tom wlaschiha, and many more - i’m a bit of a floozy Grin

my current one is richard osman (following a rather good sex dream recently Wink)

i’m very happily married, it’s all just a good laugh.

lavenderlou · 28/02/2021 22:07

I do this too. I've always done it to an extent but it really took off in my thirties when I had very small kids, I think as a way of escaping the mundanity of everyday life.

I have a somewhat bizarre current fantasy where a younger and mkre beautiful version of me happens to be nearby my celeb crush when he collapsed and I have to give him the kiss of life. He of course, is eternally grateful to me for saving his life and falls hopelessly in love with me Grin.

CroutonsAvatar · 28/02/2021 22:08

I hope it’s normal as I go through this intensely every few months. As far as I know, at least two of my female friends do too. Not sure if it’s quite as full on as I feel sometimes, but they certainly YouTube people obsessively. Also, I tend to fall into maladaptive daydreaming more heavily when very stressed.

BestOption · 28/02/2021 22:12

No. Not in the way you do. To be honest I just don't think that way & would be unable to focus well enough to create an alternative reality.

A bit of 'me time' fantasy is a different thing Blush but it's never a 'real' person, just 'a bloke' (and I don't even really visualise them clearly- more just a concept).

I'm astounded by the number of people who do this & the level of detail.

I think it's harmless (possibly even helpful) as long as it makes you feel better about life, not worse. As it seems to be making you feel unsettled with your reality, I think I'd try to knock it on the head.

If you find that difficult, spend more time on MN. It seems to fill any head space I have🤪

BagnoldSummer · 28/02/2021 22:26

I do this too, so glad to find it's normal (or mumsnet normal at least!) Peri-menopause, lockdown boredom and coming to terms with ageing I think.

Although it's complete fantasy it does seem to have certain rules - for example I look back in time and imagine I met the person when I was younger. It has to be somehow plausible that we could have met then, and they must be the actual age they would have been. Bizarre!!

xMarksTheSpotlight · 28/02/2021 22:49

If it's James Acaster OP then it's completely normal. Wink

Loving this thread. Yes, mine start with unexpected nice dream about them and then enjoyable daydreams before sleep. I can't delete my children and so it's always set several years after my husband died (and I lost loads of weight due to grief obviously).
Other recent stars of my daydreams include Chris Evans (but the dick pic soon ended that fantasy) and Darryl Dixon. Not the actor that plays him, but actual over in the USA post apocalypse scenario. I even googled whether the climate would let me grow wheat before I got a grip on myself (it's pretend - I can grow bloomin bananas if I want to!)

Always the will they, won't they stage of getting together, or them finally letting me know that they're in love with me.

xMarksTheSpotlight · 28/02/2021 22:51

Please tell us your person OP. I promise not to judge.

Off to Google Adam Driver now as I've no idea who he is

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