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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think this isn't normal? Really intense celeb crush

371 replies

CrumpetCity · 28/02/2021 16:11

I've been on here for years but name-changed as I'm so embarrassed Blush

To give a bit of context I'm 36, married with a two year old and a six year old and have a busy, stressful full time job that has been made more difficult by the pandemic. I had bad PND and anxiety after DC2 and have mostly recovered but still have my moments. I am also peri-menopausal, not sure if that's relevant but I suppose it might be.

I feel so ridiculous even writing this but over the past couple of months or so I have developed a very intense crush on a particular celebrity and I'm worried it's gotten out of hand.

It started after I had a very vivid sexual dream about them. Prior to that I'd always liked this person's work and thought they seemed nice but not thought about them in 'that' way. But I found myself thinking about this dream whenever I needed a bit of (ahem) 'me time'. I know this isn't unusual in itself but over time I then started day-dreaming about this person too, imagining scenarios in my head involving us meeting and embarking on some sort of passionate love affair. I've been spending too much time looking at their photos and content online, YouTube clips of them etc which is the sort of thing I'd expect from a teenager not a grown woman who is normally quite sensible! This is incredibly embarrassing to admit, but I've even found myself occasionally choosing my outfits based on what I imagine they might like and listening to music I think they might be into (although this does align very closely with my own tastes anyway) which I know is beyond ridiculous.

The fantasy day-dream scenarios are happening daily and have become increasingly detailed. In them I am always single, child-free, enjoying a creative and fulfilling career that is lucrative but also somehow affords me bags of free time and living in a small but beautifully decorated flat (which I could describe in detail at this point!) with no stair-gates, laundry and plastic toys everywhere. This is a far cry from my real day to day life which, although I know I'm lucky in many ways, I confess to having felt somewhat trapped by recently especially with lockdown and everything. I think this started out as a bit of escapism but I'm worried it's making me more dissatisfied with my real life.

To be clear, I know none of this is real. I would never dream of actually trying to contact this person, nor am I operating under some delusional belief that we have a 'connection' or anything! I also know that if our paths crossed in real life (which is vanishingly unlikely) they would not look twice at me, although I used to turn heads when I was younger. Maybe that's part of it, struggling with the fact that those years are behind me and I'm just a frumpy Mum.

Has anyone else ever felt like this or am I the only one? More importantly, how the hell do I make it stop?? I know the obvious solution seems to be "just stop thinking about him" but I've tried that!

OP posts:
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slashlover · 28/02/2021 19:33

@ExtraOnions

I have a second filthy life with Greg Davies (hands up to everyone else out there who has the same)...
I recently went on a Taskmaster binge...
Cindy87 · 28/02/2021 19:34

Thanks for the thread - I do exactly the same. It gets more intense from period to ovulation and then its wears off for a week or so and I can actually concentrate on a book or film again.

crystalcherry87 · 28/02/2021 19:34

I think it's ok to have crushes but when they get out of hand and take over the majority if your thoughts it's a problem. I got a bit like this over a film star a few years ago when I was living alone with my young kids and their dad who didn't live with us was emotionally abusive and manipulative and I wasn't sexually attracted to him. I hated him. So the crush was a replacement for love and excitement. I'm now married to someone who treats me well and who I really fancy. As soon as I met him, I stopped fancying my crush and now when I see pictures of him I just don't get what it was I saw in him. But I can see exactly why I got as obsessed as I did.

Cindy87 · 28/02/2021 19:36

@CrumpetCity

It’s escapism for sure op, you are stressed in real life and this is a way of concentrating your mind on something outside of that. I think this is the reason a lot of people have affairs.

This is interesting. I'm pretty sure I'd never have an affair, not only could I not do that to DH but it seems like it would be very stressful! But since I hit 35 I've had periods of sometimes feeling a bit sad that I'll never again experience the excitement of being with someone new for first time so I wonder if my brain has found me a 'safe' way of exploring that.

Yeah I think this too - my fantasy is always around the beginning of the relationship, being chased. Never fantasise about the bit where we are 10 years in with a couple of kids.
slashlover · 28/02/2021 19:37

I had something very similar about Adam Driver...about 3 months ago. I'd actually cry with despair over it, it was mortifying and really quite isolating.

John?

Meowchickameowmeow · 28/02/2021 19:38

I'm still daydreaming that Jensen Ackles will wall into my life and sweep me away

I'm sorry but that will never happen, Jensen would never leave me Grin

brassmonkeywife · 28/02/2021 19:42

Give us a clue Crumpetcity!!! Please!

littlepattilou · 28/02/2021 19:42

I am really not getting Greg Davies, or Cillian Murphy. Sad

Each to their own....

Jensen Ackles though? Yes please!

I have never heard of maladaptive daydreaming before!

Oh and @CrumpetCity YANBU. A bit of fantasising about a celeb is OK ... Wish you would tell us who it is!!!!!

Holothane · 28/02/2021 19:42

Oh good grief enjoy your dreams I’ve always had them I’ve gone mad on John sims as the master and as for Peter Capaldi I’ve adored him since he became the doctor. Anyone get the chance to meet them do, I still remember every second of meeting Peter, he adores his fans.

littlepattilou · 28/02/2021 19:43

Had to google Adam Driver. Ewwww, no. Shock

Again, each to their own!

Victoriangirl1900 · 28/02/2021 19:45

I have a crush on Tom Chaplin from Keane I daydream about him all the the time. I been daydreaming that me and Tom Chaplin are in a musical of Beauty and the Beast I play Belle whilst Tom plays the beast/prince. I also daydream about me and Tom playing the princess and prince in Sleeping Beauty pantomime.

Notanotherhun · 28/02/2021 19:46

@ExtraOnions - what is it about him? Blush

Elllicam · 28/02/2021 19:47

I always think that you daydream about what you need at the time. So when I was single and lonely in my 20’s I daydreamed about having a big family. Now I have a big family I daydream about living in a mountain cabin. Maybe what you need just now is some peace and romance.

PhillipPhillop · 28/02/2021 19:59

It's so weird that you don't give a person a second thought until you have a sexy dream about them. A few weeks ago Steve Fletcher from The Repair Shop and I had a wild night together and now I just watch him on catch-up all the time. I am in my 60s in case anyone thinks it is TOO weird....Grin

CrappingMyself · 28/02/2021 19:59

I think there's two different things at play here.

  1. Where you have an intense sex dream involving another person. You don''t necessarily fantasise about them in that way, and after the dream you feel very attached and involved, but it dissipates after a short while.

  2. The day dreaming - you choose your fantasy! You actively construct the scenario.

I've always had quite vivid dreams and these can be like an emotional punch to the gut when you wake up. A real "woah!" moment!

Constructed ones I can choose who stars in it. At the moment it's Henry Cavill (from The Tudors). Before that it's been Alexander Dreymon, Travis Fimmel, Kit Harrington. Hmmm I'm noticing a theme Grin

SpnBaby1967 · 28/02/2021 20:06

@Meowchickameowmeow & @littlepattilou

Jensen is mine, and I'd fight you for him.

Redrunbluerun · 28/02/2021 20:07

Shout out to the fellow Greg Davies fans! I’m a size 6 and 5’ 1” he would squash me! But my crush remains. Makes no sense as he’s way too old for me as well. I think that’s the beauty of crushes though. They’re unattainable so can live as a dream in your head.

SmokedDuck · 28/02/2021 20:08

I do't think this sort of thing is abnormal, and it shouldn't be worried about, but also isn't especially healthy to indulge.

Generally dealing with any kind of thoughts that you don't want to encourage, the best approach is not to get worried if they pop up - they will, but try not to actively engage and do something else. So, try not to give into the temptation to be looking them up online etc. Usually it's best to do something else to keep you busy when you have the urge.

SpnBaby1967 · 28/02/2021 20:08

Yeah I think this too - my fantasy is always around the beginning of the relationship, being chased. Never fantasise about the bit where we are 10 years in with a couple of kids

I had a dream like this about my department manager, made the phone call with him later that morning really awkward. He's totally not my type so that was super weird.

Douchebaggette · 28/02/2021 20:11

I am the mistress of maladaptive dreaming. Just ask my husband, Charlie Hunnam. Grin

hollyhope · 28/02/2021 20:15

Steve Fletcher from The Repair Shop
Grin

GreenSlide · 28/02/2021 20:18

'Yeah I think this too - my fantasy is always around the beginning of the relationship, being chased. Never fantasise about the bit where we are 10 years in with a couple of kids.'

Yeah same. Usually mine don't even involve shagging, or even kissing. It's the flirtation before any of that even starts. Actually maybe I'm just so knackered that I only get 5 minutes into a favourite daydream before falling asleep and that's why I never get to the shagging part Confused

GreenSlide · 28/02/2021 20:19

Also, I had an actual sex dream about Cillian Murphy once. It was ace!

Notanotherhun · 28/02/2021 20:25

Yungblud.

CornedBeef451 · 28/02/2021 20:30

@SpnBaby1967 it's Misha for me. At least they're age appropriate and seem to be improving with age.

A few weeks ago I dreamt I kissed Castiel and then woke up to a birthday email from Misha because I GISHED once, I was a bit confused for a few sleepy moments.

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