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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think this isn't normal? Really intense celeb crush

371 replies

CrumpetCity · 28/02/2021 16:11

I've been on here for years but name-changed as I'm so embarrassed Blush

To give a bit of context I'm 36, married with a two year old and a six year old and have a busy, stressful full time job that has been made more difficult by the pandemic. I had bad PND and anxiety after DC2 and have mostly recovered but still have my moments. I am also peri-menopausal, not sure if that's relevant but I suppose it might be.

I feel so ridiculous even writing this but over the past couple of months or so I have developed a very intense crush on a particular celebrity and I'm worried it's gotten out of hand.

It started after I had a very vivid sexual dream about them. Prior to that I'd always liked this person's work and thought they seemed nice but not thought about them in 'that' way. But I found myself thinking about this dream whenever I needed a bit of (ahem) 'me time'. I know this isn't unusual in itself but over time I then started day-dreaming about this person too, imagining scenarios in my head involving us meeting and embarking on some sort of passionate love affair. I've been spending too much time looking at their photos and content online, YouTube clips of them etc which is the sort of thing I'd expect from a teenager not a grown woman who is normally quite sensible! This is incredibly embarrassing to admit, but I've even found myself occasionally choosing my outfits based on what I imagine they might like and listening to music I think they might be into (although this does align very closely with my own tastes anyway) which I know is beyond ridiculous.

The fantasy day-dream scenarios are happening daily and have become increasingly detailed. In them I am always single, child-free, enjoying a creative and fulfilling career that is lucrative but also somehow affords me bags of free time and living in a small but beautifully decorated flat (which I could describe in detail at this point!) with no stair-gates, laundry and plastic toys everywhere. This is a far cry from my real day to day life which, although I know I'm lucky in many ways, I confess to having felt somewhat trapped by recently especially with lockdown and everything. I think this started out as a bit of escapism but I'm worried it's making me more dissatisfied with my real life.

To be clear, I know none of this is real. I would never dream of actually trying to contact this person, nor am I operating under some delusional belief that we have a 'connection' or anything! I also know that if our paths crossed in real life (which is vanishingly unlikely) they would not look twice at me, although I used to turn heads when I was younger. Maybe that's part of it, struggling with the fact that those years are behind me and I'm just a frumpy Mum.

Has anyone else ever felt like this or am I the only one? More importantly, how the hell do I make it stop?? I know the obvious solution seems to be "just stop thinking about him" but I've tried that!

OP posts:
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11
DoWhatYouWantTo · 28/02/2021 22:53

@MaxNormal

Please tell us who it is Grin
Ewugh! He looks like a freshly waxed minge!
youvegottenminuteslynn · 28/02/2021 22:57

If it's James Acaster I'm afraid he already has a fantasy girlfriend. And he finds me absolutely hilarious Grin

the80sweregreat · 28/02/2021 22:58

I think it's fine to have a daydream and some secrets!
The chances are you won't ever meet them , so nobody is being hurt here at all.
What is life without some fiction or fantasy in it?
I like a certain fan fiction site on Facebook and have to remind myself it's not real , but I imagine what they are doing! It is bonkers but also a bit of fun isn't it?

ghostyslovesheets · 28/02/2021 22:59

I am the mistress of maladaptive dreaming. Just ask my husband, Charlie Hunnam

Or mine Sean Pertwee

xMarksTheSpotlight · 28/02/2021 22:59

Whaaat!

But how does he have the time? He's over cooking for me in my house most evenings

ChorleyFMcominginyourears · 28/02/2021 23:28

I'm married to Eminem, we have a VERY fulfilling sex life 😊

Laufeythejust · 28/02/2021 23:37

Mines Jamie Dornan, it’s quite embarrassing how much I know about him from google.

AgentCooper · 28/02/2021 23:39

This thread makes me feel better! After a sex dream a few months ago I have been obsessed, absolutely obsessed with William Zabka from Cobra Kai (and the Karate Kid).

FeelingUnsureNow · 28/02/2021 23:46

I have a celebrity crush on Dan Reynolds from Imagine Dragons. When my youtube playlist plays anything with him in it, I have to stop what I'm doing to watch the whole clip. It's all quite innocent but when he hits those big drums as he does in a few of their songs, my knees go weak everytime. Not sure why - drums have never done it for me before. Lol

Victoriangirl1900 · 28/02/2021 23:52

I have fantasies about Tom Chaplin from Keane saving me from drowning I wasn't breathing so he gave me mouth to mouth

jamidays · 01/03/2021 00:01

Hi Op, did you speak to your husband about this? Not sure how comfortable you are with telling him but if your connection is strong he may find it quite amusing and it can help diffuse your obsession.
I don't think it's just a random event to indulge on. These feelings are extremely powerful and can be scary. They suck up all your energy which you need for your kids and husband. It's exhausting and heart breaking. It does not leave you happy I imagine at the end of the day?
It's telling you something about your life and your relationship and you need to listen and observe carefully. what is it that is missing? What are you craving? Worth exploring with your partner if you can or in therapy, if you feel it's just too much and overwhelming.

VelveteenChair · 01/03/2021 00:05

Yes!!! Eagle Fang!

Inthesameboatatmo · 01/03/2021 00:11

I wouldn't worry op
I think its relatively normal, if it makes you feel better I do it quite often but in reality I'm a 42 year old mum of 3 but in my day dream I'm a millionaire rock star married to slash from guns n roses

Mydogmylife · 01/03/2021 00:15

@Douchebaggette

I am the mistress of maladaptive dreaming. Just ask my husband, Charlie Hunnam. Grin
Noooooooo- he's mine !!!! Love a bit of biker bad boy me !
GreenSlide · 01/03/2021 00:17

@Laufeythejust

Mines Jamie Dornan, it’s quite embarrassing how much I know about him from google.
Jamie Dornan is lovely.

What google will never tell us though, is their disgusting habits. If I ever think I'm getting a bit too involved with daydreaming about a bloke I imagine his feet. Yes Jamie Dornan is beautiful, but he might have really stinking feet with athletes foot and yellow toenails.

I listened to Cillian Murphys BBC podcast out of interest because I fancy him and some of the music he played was so pretentious and boring (to my ears - I'm sure to creative genius like him and his wife it's all wonderful) that I realised sadly we could never have a life together without me shouting at him to turn that shite music off.

SinisterBumFacedCat · 01/03/2021 00:20

Yes, I have been doing this for as long as I can remember. My head is another world altogether. But in the last few years it has ramped up a bit, probably due to hormones and now lockdown. Tbh a celebrity is easier than an actual person in your life.

My past obsessions have been Q from Impractical Jokers and DCI Gene Hunt. The great thing is I can stick the younger better looking me in there. Real life is a bit shit due to parents with dementia so it is good to go off to your happy place.

Lalliella · 01/03/2021 00:37

Aww I love a bit of maladaptive daydreaming! I don’t know why it’s called maladaptive as I don’t see it as a disorder, more as a positive thing, a way of living another life in my head (well 3 lives in my case actually) and having (imaginary) fun.

SinisterBumFacedCat · 01/03/2021 00:47

Bloody hell I googled maladaptive daydreaming and every result says it’s a psychiatric condition Shock I am FUCKED!

(I wonder if I can work that into my next daydream)

DaiquirisinDorset · 01/03/2021 00:49

Blimey, I'm not judging you OP Grin

I have a virtually inactive IG account with about 11 followers, including my mum. However, one of them is a very famous, MN-recognized Hot Celebrity Man.

I literally have no idea why he showed up - I assume it's a mistake, but it's his personal account, he's been around for while, and even 'likes' my very occasional posts of boring shite. He even commented on one! It's weird, but it's led to a mild crush on my part and the occasional whimsical thought.

I've never told anyone in rl - I'm too baffled by it and I might 'break the spell,' and my celeb follower will bugger off again Grin

Bagamoyo1 · 01/03/2021 00:56

@Jayneisagirlsname

I do this too. I have different lives and often choose which one I want to spend time in before I go to sleep.
I do the exact same thing!
justletmeadoreyou · 01/03/2021 00:57

Just bloody tell us. Why do so many Mumsnet posters do this?

Flapjackninja · 01/03/2021 01:04

I felt like this about Post Malone once Blush it's passed now

GreenSlide · 01/03/2021 01:09

@DaiquirisinDorset

Blimey, I'm not judging you OP Grin

I have a virtually inactive IG account with about 11 followers, including my mum. However, one of them is a very famous, MN-recognized Hot Celebrity Man.

I literally have no idea why he showed up - I assume it's a mistake, but it's his personal account, he's been around for while, and even 'likes' my very occasional posts of boring shite. He even commented on one! It's weird, but it's led to a mild crush on my part and the occasional whimsical thought.

I've never told anyone in rl - I'm too baffled by it and I might 'break the spell,' and my celeb follower will bugger off again Grin

It's not Dean Gaffney is it Grin
peachgreen · 01/03/2021 01:16

I've done this for as long as I can remember. Current (and longest-running, bar a boy I went to school with who I daydreamed about for 7 years!) is James Acaster. Tickled pink that I'm not the only one. There's just something about him!

DaiquirisinDorset · 01/03/2021 01:31

It's not Dean Gaffney is it

Ha! No. Although tbf, I probably wouldn't admit it if it was Grin

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