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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think this isn't normal? Really intense celeb crush

371 replies

CrumpetCity · 28/02/2021 16:11

I've been on here for years but name-changed as I'm so embarrassed Blush

To give a bit of context I'm 36, married with a two year old and a six year old and have a busy, stressful full time job that has been made more difficult by the pandemic. I had bad PND and anxiety after DC2 and have mostly recovered but still have my moments. I am also peri-menopausal, not sure if that's relevant but I suppose it might be.

I feel so ridiculous even writing this but over the past couple of months or so I have developed a very intense crush on a particular celebrity and I'm worried it's gotten out of hand.

It started after I had a very vivid sexual dream about them. Prior to that I'd always liked this person's work and thought they seemed nice but not thought about them in 'that' way. But I found myself thinking about this dream whenever I needed a bit of (ahem) 'me time'. I know this isn't unusual in itself but over time I then started day-dreaming about this person too, imagining scenarios in my head involving us meeting and embarking on some sort of passionate love affair. I've been spending too much time looking at their photos and content online, YouTube clips of them etc which is the sort of thing I'd expect from a teenager not a grown woman who is normally quite sensible! This is incredibly embarrassing to admit, but I've even found myself occasionally choosing my outfits based on what I imagine they might like and listening to music I think they might be into (although this does align very closely with my own tastes anyway) which I know is beyond ridiculous.

The fantasy day-dream scenarios are happening daily and have become increasingly detailed. In them I am always single, child-free, enjoying a creative and fulfilling career that is lucrative but also somehow affords me bags of free time and living in a small but beautifully decorated flat (which I could describe in detail at this point!) with no stair-gates, laundry and plastic toys everywhere. This is a far cry from my real day to day life which, although I know I'm lucky in many ways, I confess to having felt somewhat trapped by recently especially with lockdown and everything. I think this started out as a bit of escapism but I'm worried it's making me more dissatisfied with my real life.

To be clear, I know none of this is real. I would never dream of actually trying to contact this person, nor am I operating under some delusional belief that we have a 'connection' or anything! I also know that if our paths crossed in real life (which is vanishingly unlikely) they would not look twice at me, although I used to turn heads when I was younger. Maybe that's part of it, struggling with the fact that those years are behind me and I'm just a frumpy Mum.

Has anyone else ever felt like this or am I the only one? More importantly, how the hell do I make it stop?? I know the obvious solution seems to be "just stop thinking about him" but I've tried that!

OP posts:
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HaHaVeryBunny · 28/02/2021 18:50

@GreenSlide

I'm like this about whispers Monty Don BlushGrin
Nothing to be ashamed about there Grin
imalmostthere · 28/02/2021 18:50

I need to know

Hemlock2013 · 28/02/2021 18:51

I do this too! It’s my normal and totally linked with my cycle. I think it’s a great thing, I love having a totally different life in my head. I feel like it makes me want to be better in actual life. Because I’m the best version of me in the other world, I try to be that in real life too.

Adam driver also my celeb crush. My life in my head with him is very involved! X

BigSkyLife · 28/02/2021 18:52

I feel exactly the same way about Jamie Fraser. I even have a Pinterest page Blush
I never even had a heartthrob crush when I was a teen, so this is not the norm for me.

Shrivelled · 28/02/2021 18:56

If you can’t day dream about being infatuated with a celebrity during a miserable boring pandemic then when can you?!

CrumpetCity · 28/02/2021 18:56

I never even had a heartthrob crush when I was a teen, so this is not the norm for me.

Me neither! I think that's why I'm so freaked out about it. As a teen I definitely had musicians who I idolised but it wasn't really a romantic or sexual thing.

OP posts:
BrilliantBetty · 28/02/2021 18:57

I live a whole other life in my daydreams. (Sometimes Jamie Fraiser makes an appearance, sorry PP Grin) And live as I was at about 21ish. I look like I did then (10yrs ago) and often re play conversation that I actually had or re do scenarios that happened / could have happened differently.

It is a bit obsessive and feels quite real when i'm thinking about it. I think it's come from the boredom and repetitive days of having young children. I don't really do anything exciting IRL, so I sort of crave it and find it in my non-reality.

BrilliantBetty · 28/02/2021 18:59

And it's also made worse by sexual frustration.

dogsaremypeople · 28/02/2021 18:59

It's Matt Hancock isn't it!

BigHandsomeBeast · 28/02/2021 19:00

It’s escapism for sure op, you are stressed in real life and this is a way of concentrating your mind on something outside of that. I think this is the reason a lot of people have affairs.

CompleteBarstool · 28/02/2021 19:02

You have to tell us who it is.

Whoever it is , someone on here will go "eeew" or OTOH will fancy worse Grin

CrumpetCity · 28/02/2021 19:03

It's Matt Hancock isn't it!

Haha! If it was Matt Hancock I wouldn't be asking MN I'd be seeking some serious professional help! Grin

OP posts:
wildthingsinthenight · 28/02/2021 19:06

Great thread OP! It's normal I think.
I do it!

Thirtyrock39 · 28/02/2021 19:08

I have always been a daydreamer and like many other posters enjoy escaping in my head to an alternative life. I can spend ages on the details and even sometimes go on right move etc just to have an actual setting for my alternative fantasy life !! Mine is definitely worse around ovulation. When I was younger there would be a certain celebrity taking centre stage for a long time (Eminem is the one that springs to mind!!) but it varies these days and it's more about being successful and no stress te money etc !

Indecisivelurcher · 28/02/2021 19:09

Me too op, but not about a celeb, at the mo its someone I vaguely work with but not directly, they live the other side of the country, when I'm going to sleep I imagine a made up life together even down to what the kitchen is like... I don't actually fancy them irl, it's pure escapism. I've always done this since pre teens. Sometimes when I was younger they used to be more involved I suppose because I had more of my own time. These days I find myself adding plausible story lines such as the kids have grown up and left home and dh & I are still on good terms, then get stuck because I realise I'll be 50-60 in this scenario. It does slightly ruin it for me! But if its not plausible then it doesn't work!

Redrunbluerun · 28/02/2021 19:10

I get these Op! Usually when very stressed. Currently it’s Greg Davies but it’s been a whole host over the years.
It usually lasts 3-6 months, then evaporates as quickly as it came.
I’m quite good at pulling it back when it starts to affect my day to day, like day dreaming at work!

CrumpetCity · 28/02/2021 19:11

It’s escapism for sure op, you are stressed in real life and this is a way of concentrating your mind on something outside of that. I think this is the reason a lot of people have affairs.

This is interesting. I'm pretty sure I'd never have an affair, not only could I not do that to DH but it seems like it would be very stressful! But since I hit 35 I've had periods of sometimes feeling a bit sad that I'll never again experience the excitement of being with someone new for first time so I wonder if my brain has found me a 'safe' way of exploring that.

OP posts:
Pukkatea · 28/02/2021 19:15

Maladaptive daydreaming is genuinely one of my most enjoyed pastimes. I have a whole life set up in my head based on a celebrity crush (and I'm also famous in this scenario) and I daydream when I go for walks, when I'm falling asleep, loads of other times. I find it soothing.

WhySoSensitive · 28/02/2021 19:15

You’ve name changed. It’s an anonymous forum. You’ve got your answer off a few people. You know it’s normal...

SO TELL US WHO IT IS

Mydogmylife · 28/02/2021 19:23

Love a bit of maladaptive daydreaming myself!

CouldItBeJeffrey · 28/02/2021 19:24

Maladaptive daydreaming is genuinely one of my most enjoyed pastimes. I have a whole life set up in my head based on a celebrity crush (and I'm also famous in this scenario) and I daydream when I go for walks, when I'm falling asleep, loads of other times. I find it soothing.

100% this. If it isn't normal then I don't want to be normal.

maybelou · 28/02/2021 19:25

This is totally normal for me, gets me through the day!

Dying to know who it is now OP 😂 I bet nobody here shares mine but I haven't name changed so I'm not saying haha

ColinRobinson · 28/02/2021 19:27

I fancy Cillian Murphy so much that I wrote (and published) an entire romance novel imagining him playing the male lead 😬

I get fixated on celebrities - have to watch/read everything about them. I see it as escapism too. I’m not unhappy with my life, far from it, but it’s a way to relive the buzz of new things.

TheRattleBag · 28/02/2021 19:28

It's amazing how one intense out of the blue dream about someone can throw you or alter your attitude to that person quite drastically.

Tell me about it. I had a disturbingly erotic dream (involving a shared shower) a few days ago and it's disconcerted me ever since, to the point where I googled "what does it mean to have a sex dream about someone you despise" (apparently it's nothing to worry about and doesn't mean you really want to shag them, which is a relief!)

The other person? Donald Trump.

Donald fecking Trump. BlushBlush

No celebrity crush can top that for embarrassment!

ExtraOnions · 28/02/2021 19:28

I have a second filthy life with Greg Davies (hands up to everyone else out there who has the same)...

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