Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend is really rude ,aibu here?

318 replies

sanber · 27/02/2021 18:51

We have been friends for over 10 years but the last year she's been really rude.
She rarely texts me first,rings me once every couple of months.
Today for example I text her "oh I have the worst headache today,hope you've had a good week"
Went on WhatsApp and didn't click on it for two hours,then read it and didn't respond.
Now obviously it wasn't a question but normally that's how you speak with friends.
Yet she's on Facebook,sharing random rubbish.
Yet can't be arsed to string a two second reply.
Then other times mid conversation she just stops responding and you will see her on Facebook.
Am I being over sensitive or is it rude ?

OP posts:
Mrsbrownsgargoyle · 27/02/2021 20:35

She's not as invested in the friendship any more I'm afraid. Time to call it a day.

Whattodo121 · 27/02/2021 20:36

Out of interest I scrolled back through the last few messages with my three or four closest friends that I speak to the most. And all of them had gaps in responses, but the conversations were started by each of us in turn in a fairly equal split. But generally each message conversation started with something positive often a silly picture or gossipy piece of news that warrants a silly response and then a conversation starts from there when the other one is free to reply. A ‘hey how are you’ message can be a bit draining, especially at the moment. I tend to only contact my friends when I see something they’ll like or actually have some news good/bad to share with them.

Original poster
sanber · 27/02/2021 20:38

I've sent her funny meme
Funny tick tock videos
It makes no difference
She still rarely reply's
Or joins in on a conversation
Until she argues with her partner then I'm treated to 4 phone calls a day.
That is what you call draining

OP posts:
whoworksforfree · 27/02/2021 20:39

I often ignore/don't immediately read and respond to WhatsApp messages unless they look particularly urgent. Right now I'm stressed, anxiety-ridden and as much as I love my friends I just need to switch off.

And if the friend is someone who is particularly miserable or negative I'm even less inclined to chat.

It's a bad time for everyone right now. Maybe she has something else going on, maybe she's having a crappy day and just isn't feeling up to chatting. I don't think that her not replying for a meaningless message for a few hours is worth fighting over

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 27/02/2021 20:40

I've sent her funny meme
Funny tick tock videos
It makes no difference
She still rarely reply's
Or joins in on a conversation
Until she argues with her partner then I'm treated to 4 phone calls a day.
That is what you call draining

I think this just backs up my previous post on this thread. Shes trying to 'break up' with you. Back off a bit.

Fgs1 · 27/02/2021 20:41

@sanber

I've sent her funny meme Funny tick tock videos It makes no difference She still rarely reply's Or joins in on a conversation Until she argues with her partner then I'm treated to 4 phone calls a day. That is what you call draining
Well doesn’t sound like you’re getting much out of the friendship so why bother forcing it?
JackieWeaver4PrimeMinister · 27/02/2021 20:44

Maybe she thought she'd wait to reply to not aggravate your headache further...

tiredybear · 27/02/2021 20:45

I think you have to accept the hard truth that your friendship has changed. It happens.

I have agonised a lot over friendships this past year, and have slowly accepted what IS, rather than what i want things to be.

Now, every time I find myself having negative thoughts about a friend not acting how I want them to, I try to reach out to friends who ARE invested in our friendship and check in on them instead.

Save your energy and heart ache, there's enough other shit to deal with at the moment.

Cccc1111 · 27/02/2021 20:47

Because you had set the scene you were only messaging to ask how she was, so you could moan about your headache, and make it all about you. I probably would have groaned if I saw your message, esp if you’re one of those people who regularly does that.

BistoBear · 27/02/2021 20:47

What are you getting from the friendship? She clearly isn’t meeting your wants or needs.

BloggersBlog · 27/02/2021 20:49

Mirror her.
Wait until she contacts you, and mirror her replies that you get.
You'll know soon enough if the friendship is worth pursuing

andannabegins · 27/02/2021 20:49

But I don't think your text needs an answer. ' have a headache, I hope you had a good week' that's like a 'thinking of you while I am lying here feeling crap' message, it doesn't need a response

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 27/02/2021 20:50

Mirror her. Wait until she contacts you, and mirror her replies that you get. You'll know soon enough if the friendship is worth pursuing

This is good advice

Stoppissingonmyheather · 27/02/2021 20:50

Think I am prob your friend sometimes life is overwhelming and you can't deal with it. You may have had an issue you don't want to discuss and nothing positive to say and you can't face discussing someone else's issues because you are drained enough with your own or may have had to deal with something a delivery washing kids pets husband whatever and forget or you are absorbed in a dog piss/poo/neighbour/vagina/potato thread on mumsnet .and having too much fun and escapism reading it to acknowledge anything else.

Freezeboy · 27/02/2021 20:51

You are coming across as a bit needy, maybe she just doesn’t actually care that much?

Definitely stop messaging her as much as she’s isn’t interested. Or she’s like one of my friends who’s just rubbish at replying but she’s well known for it

SwedishK · 27/02/2021 20:53

I don’t think your friend has do e anything wrong. You never asked her anything, so she doesn’t have anything to respond to. Also, we’re all getting messages with questions like “how’s lockdown treating you?”, “are you all still healthy?”, “what have you been up to lately?”. It’s pointless chitchat. We’re all still in lockdown, nobody is doing all that well and we can’t make any fun plans. It’s exhausting being reminded of that constantly, and exhausting to answer messages like that.

Charles11 · 27/02/2021 20:57

This isn’t much of a friendship anymore. Just stop texting her. You’ll soon know if she wants to keep in touch.

Dizzybrunette445 · 27/02/2021 20:57

I have a rule that if someone hasn't asked me a question I don't tend to reply or I'll send something small back but rarely. I hate getting those texts for example "we should meet up" etc . Um why not say, when are you free for a catch up? Just annoys me lol.

RosesandPumpkins · 27/02/2021 20:57

She’s just not that into you.

PhylisNightsIsAwesome · 27/02/2021 21:02

@sanber

Really ? I find it rude no reply when your sat on Facebook. I wouldn't mind if it was now and again but it's nearly every time.
It depends. I use Facebook as my downtime. So if I have had a busy or tiring day I will tend to not respond to messages right away. I had someone once have a go at me for not liking all her posts on there! and I told her that I have a life. She was like: "but you've been on facebook!". I was like: block.
grapewine · 27/02/2021 21:02

I have trouble enough getting through the days right now, if I had to deal with small talk, too ... nope.

Life is a lot at the moment for many of us. Surfing on FB is mindless, it doesn't require brainpower.

She might be trying to step back from you generally, or she's like me. Give her space. If she seeks you out later, then you'll know which one it is.

forrestgreen · 27/02/2021 21:03

I'd say the friendship has run its course.

She doesn't do what you need and you're there only to support her.

Don't text tomorrow and see what happens

sammylady37 · 27/02/2021 21:03

“How’s lockdown treating you?” is the equivalent of “hi how are you?” on dating sites. Generic, bland, boring, required next to no effort, irritating and likely to elicit an eye roll in the recipient.

Most people are finding things tough at the moment. A lot of people are overwhelmed with everyday life. And something that’s seemingly innocuous like your text would make me groan and ignore it too. I have a friend who’s very like this. She will text the most dull banal rubbish just to get a conversation going. I know that if I respond, she’ll respond back immediately and expect a conversation about meaningless shite that’ll go on for maybe 40 mins. I just don’t have the mental energy for that at the moment. However, if there was a genuine issue other than boredom on her part, I would of course respond. She’s also the type to trail me round the internet, DMing on insta if I don’t reply to a WhatsApp etc. That behaviour is beyond tedious.

AIMD · 27/02/2021 21:04

@sanber

I've sent her funny meme Funny tick tock videos It makes no difference She still rarely reply's Or joins in on a conversation Until she argues with her partner then I'm treated to 4 phone calls a day. That is what you call draining
What do you get from the friendship.

Is it worth this effort for someone who doesn’t seem bothered.

It’s sad when friendships drift but they do .

rooarsome · 27/02/2021 21:05

I rarely reply to WhatsApp instantly. I will have a sit down and reply properly to all messages at some point. Sometimes I just want to chill out and watch tik toks or read fb group posts, so I don't have to think.
Honestly I would feel smothered if someone expected an instant response constantly.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.