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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend is really rude ,aibu here?

318 replies

sanber · 27/02/2021 18:51

We have been friends for over 10 years but the last year she's been really rude.
She rarely texts me first,rings me once every couple of months.
Today for example I text her "oh I have the worst headache today,hope you've had a good week"
Went on WhatsApp and didn't click on it for two hours,then read it and didn't respond.
Now obviously it wasn't a question but normally that's how you speak with friends.
Yet she's on Facebook,sharing random rubbish.
Yet can't be arsed to string a two second reply.
Then other times mid conversation she just stops responding and you will see her on Facebook.
Am I being over sensitive or is it rude ?

OP posts:
Sarcobaleno · 27/02/2021 19:22

My copied post didn't workConfused

BakedTattie · 27/02/2021 19:22

You sound like hard work

BrumBoo · 27/02/2021 19:23

I really wouldn't want to instantly answer a message moaning about a headache, or getting into who's having a bigger home learning war/misery. You say she only wants to moan when she speaks, so quite honestly it sounds like you've both forgotten what a good friendship is. The fact you're moaning about not getting a response to moaning is already so draining....

grannyinapram · 27/02/2021 19:25

I think texting is a bit much for some people. sometimes I'm in the mood, mostly I cba.

grannyinapram · 27/02/2021 19:26

chatting shit on mn I could
do all day

HavelockVetinari · 27/02/2021 19:26

Sounds like she's either tired of the friendship or feeling smothered by the frequency of contact. Maybe stop texting her every day and wait for her to contact you?

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 27/02/2021 19:31

I think you're being very overbearing. Why are you tracking her activity like this?

Bourbonbiccy · 27/02/2021 19:32

I suppose she could see it as you haven't really asked her a question.

You don't really sound like you actually like her anyway. I think maybe just let this friendship go, people change, that's not necessarily a bad thing or a nasty thing, it just happens, it can just make some friendships gradually fizzle out.

doodlebug33 · 27/02/2021 19:32

YANBU but then I don't think your friend is either.
I think you probably both want different things out of a friendship. Leave her be for a while. If she gets in touch, great. If she doesn't then I think that tells you all you need to know.

ddl1 · 27/02/2021 19:33

Oversensitive, I think. Maybe she regards phone calls as the main vehicle for personal conversations -some people still do! At any rate, many people don't use Whatsapp for the purpose; it's more for arranging things. Expecting instant replies is a bit unreasonable of you, I think.

GoodbyePorpoiseSpit · 27/02/2021 19:45

You sound very over invested... it’s a message not a hand written letter, she’ll get to it. Back off op!

burritofan · 27/02/2021 19:52

All the texts you’re sending sound like generic fishing texts, not personal conversations. Like men who text “Hey how are u?” at midnight on a Friday to see who’ll respond, or women about to start bothering you with their MLM pitch but don’t want to dive straight in.

Not everyone wants pointless chitchat on their social media or texts. (I say, on MN, deep in a few vital threads about potatoes.)

SpeakingFranglais · 27/02/2021 19:52

In the nicest possible way your texts miss the mark.

Best friend’s usual text “ hey mate, Andy wants to know who fitted your kitchen and would you recommend? Fancy coming to ours Saturday for a BBQ, supposed to be nice and warm, I’ll pick you up so you can have a beer”

Ex colleague friends I see 3 times a year “ hi ladies, hope you are all ok. Fed up of lockdown, how you coping, shall we do a zoom soon and maybe put a provisional date in for a catch up in June?

Oldest friend who lives in Oz “ Hi Franglais, hope you are well, how’s your mum doing? Guess whom I heard had died on Facebook? Maggie from school has just got divorced, did you know? Bloody brother is doing my head in”

If I sent a text to any of my friends to say I had a headache they would think I was either nuts or turned into a boring bastard.

Eckhart · 27/02/2021 19:53

Who do you think gets to decide whether you think it's rude or not?

It doesn't matter if it's rude. It matters that you don't like it.

If you don't like the way she treats you, why do you keep contacting her?

Alonelonelyloner · 27/02/2021 19:54

You are almost certainly over sensitive. Sometimes I read a message and can't reply for days. I know this is me being lousy but I also hope my friends care enough and know enough to know life is busy enough without responding to a headache complaint.

FWIW I have a friend who has mental health problems who I always respond to straight away because I know she reacts like this otherwise!

blue25 · 27/02/2021 19:55

You sound really needy. Why would a friend really care if you have a headache?

Maybe have a think about your own behaviour.

Original poster
sanber · 27/02/2021 19:55

If your sat reposting random shit on Facebook I think it's safe to say your not busy.

OP posts:
Original poster
sanber · 27/02/2021 19:56

Would I really care if a friends husband was a dickhead?
Yet I listen to drivel constantly

OP posts:
Sittingonabench · 27/02/2021 19:57

You sound very over sensitive. Maybe she just doesn’t want to chat right now. She may have other things to do or she maybe wants to relax a bit and spend time doing something she likes to do (even if it is Facebook). Do you believe people are entitled to personal time or do you think they should drop everything for a bit of mindless chat in the hopes of being ‘a good friend’?

ElizabethinherGermanGarden · 27/02/2021 19:59

One thing I often do (any maybe my friends think I'm a rude bastard) is read a text quickly while I'm doing something and plan to get back to them later but then forget for a while. My friend always sends a message to say 'hey buddy, how's your week been' and it's just not interesting enough to want to reply immediately. However if she sends 'you'll never guess what my twat of an ex husband has done now' or 'I've had three glasses of wine and now I'm wondering whether it's wrong to have the raging horn for the fox from Disney Robin Hood' I text her straight back.

ElderMillennial · 27/02/2021 20:00

She might just not be much of a tester or she might not value your friendship as much as you do. I don't think she's necessarily "rude" to not want to text you, she might just bit want to text you! She might not be a good friend. That could be because she doesn't see you as someone to spend time on. That's no reflection on you but just how it is sometimes. If you're not happy being the one initiating conversation then do it less.

I also agree messaging about having a headache makes you come across as a bit negative or not v good company. It could have been a one off as you say but I've come across people who say they find it hard to make friends or their friends don't text them much and I've seen how they interact with people and it is a lot of complaining and negativity and they don't attract people.

Sarcobaleno · 27/02/2021 20:00

@sanber

If your sat reposting random shit on Facebook I think it's safe to say your not busy.
You're missing the point. It's not being busy. It's being arsed. That may or may not be a reflection on your friendship.
SchrodingersImmigrant · 27/02/2021 20:04

@sanber

If your sat reposting random shit on Facebook I think it's safe to say your not busy.
That is busy. She is busy with her choice of activity.

I am sometimes busy doing nothing. Like I genuinely just lie there chilling. Nothing.

Eckhart · 27/02/2021 20:04

@sanber

If your sat reposting random shit on Facebook I think it's safe to say your not busy.
But she could sitting, bored stupid. She still isn't obliged to pay you attention if she doesn't want to. And she doesn't want to. Fair enough. Her life isn't about you.
SchrodingersImmigrant · 27/02/2021 20:05

As I said. You both have your faults here

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