Friend is really rude ,aibu here?

[sanber]

We have been friends for over 10 years but the last year she's been really rude.
She rarely texts me first,rings me once every couple of months.
Today for example I text her "oh I have the worst headache today,hope you've had a good week"
Went on WhatsApp and didn't click on it for two hours,then read it and didn't respond.
Now obviously it wasn't a question but normally that's how you speak with friends.
Yet she's on Facebook,sharing random rubbish.
Yet can't be arsed to string a two second reply.
Then other times mid conversation she just stops responding and you will see her on Facebook.
Am I being over sensitive or is it rude ?

@grapewine

I have trouble enough getting through the days right now, if I had to deal with small talk, too ... nope.

Life is a lot at the moment for many of us. Surfing on FB is mindless, it doesn't require brainpower.

She might be trying to step back from you generally, or she's like me. Give her space. If she seeks you out later, then you'll know which one it is.

This. I'm an introvert, with chronic health issues and endless specialist appointments. Most of the times I'm on Facebook it's either to be in my mental health groups or look at cute Capybara videos. Answering a message takes a lot of energy and thought and I want to be able to give my friends the best of me, not the fag ends of my energy and time when am exhausted or busy. Friends deserve me to be at my best!

Several of my friends messages on whatsapp are currently unread and not replied too. I value their friendship immensely, however I’m going through shit and just need time to clear my head. I appreciate my friends messages and I know it would take a few mins out my day to reply but I’m not in the right headspace. Maybe your friend is dealing with some stuff too, try not to overthink xx

I think you've had some pretty harsh replies actually OP. my sister is like this - starts conversations, then doesn't reply for 3/4 weeks. I just dont tend to respond because by that point I've completely forgotten what on earth we are talking about and I've lost interest. it works both ways.

stop messaging her. and like another poster said just respond in kind when/if she does contact you.

An open question is better than a closed question/statement. Also if someone says 'hope you're having a good week' she mightn't feel like she can reply 'no, it's a bit shiit actually.'

I disagree with PP's in that during lockdown I'm liking hearing from other people, no matter how inane the chat. But I don't have kids or a husband to deal with.

I've sent her funny meme
Funny tick tock videos
It makes no difference
She still rarely reply's
Or joins in on a conversation
Until she argues with her partner then I'm treated to 4 phone calls a day.
That is what you call draining

Bin, bin, bin. Unfriend. I wouldn't even just not bother with her anymore. A conversation about it with her could be upsetting. I had a few like this and I unfriended. It made me feel good to affirm to myself that I deserve better.

and I'm a strong believer in we make time for those we want to. no reply IS a reply in my opinion.

Stop chasing her, she doesn't enjoy your attention and she isn't your friend. And texting someone to moan about a headache is strange, especially when the recipient clearly isn't interested in your life.

Are you 12?

Proper friends understand each other's messaging habits. And get on with the rest of their lives in the mean time.

"A bit of a drain saying I had a headache ?
Really?"

Messaging a friend with the opening line "oh I have the worst headache today". Have you tried Paracetamol and keeping your headache to yourself?

"I've sent her funny meme
Funny tick tock videos
It makes no difference
She still rarely reply's "

There is your queue to leave OP.

I think some posters are being harsh. If it’s always about her normally, and when you message her she’d rather sit on fb. That’s not you being over sensitive - I don’t think anyone would like to be ignored. Sometimes mumsnet advice is so plain odd. We live in a society where everyone is best friend with ignorant BFF’s do we? Why can’t we be kind?

Same. Being brutally honest, the messages sounds like moans or very dull conversation starters. Maybe lighten up and send her something funny.

@HTH1 op has tried that..

"I've sent her funny meme
Funny tick tock videos
It makes no difference
She still rarely reply's "

I don’t think she’s rude, and I’d prob just roll my eyes at your text and ignore you to, so maybe that’s why.

But she’s pissing you off. Stop chasing her. Time to let it go.

Op, maybe contact another friend instead? Sounds like she unable to respond.

That is 1 example of today's message. It could be anything from
"Have you managed to get your head around homeschooling "

Nice!

Did your friend manage to get her head around that OP?

@cherrybunx0

and I'm a strong believer in we make time for those we want to. no reply IS a reply in my opinion.

Depends what is going on in their own lives, head. But yes it can be a sign of them being uninterested or nasty.

"oh I have the worst headache today,hope you've had a good week"

I have a similar message sitting in my inbox atm, I'll reply tomorrow with "oh no, hope you're feeling better!"

I care about her, but just cannot be arsed with her moaning atm.

@Vallmo47

I think some posters are being harsh. If it’s always about her normally, and when you message her she’d rather sit on fb. That’s not you being over sensitive - I don’t think anyone would like to be ignored. Sometimes mumsnet advice is so plain odd. We live in a society where everyone is best friend with ignorant BFF’s do we? Why can’t we be kind?

I don't think we do, no. We make and keep friends with people who are like us, who complement our lives. This isn't happening in OP's case so she should echo as per PP or stop pursuing altogether.

Why should we 'be kind'? That is the most annoying trope of 2020 and it needed to be left there. When are men ever told to 'be kind'?

Feel sorry for a lot of your friends tbh
You don't seem to value people very much
Hopefully you won't need your friends (who you roll your eyes at and can't be arsed with ) and they will ignore you

YABU

She only bothers with me when it's about her

Oh, the irony, from someone who starts a conversation "oh I have the worst headache today,"

YA also BU to expect people to reply straight away to your messages.

Its you not her op

Wow no need for all the replies calling OP draining, a bore, needy and whatever else.
I don’t think you’ve managed to portray the situation that well OP but from what I can gather it sounds very one way that you try to make convo with her in various ways and you get nothing back but now this is the straw that broke the camels back so to speak. You know your friend better than anyone else here so if she’s gradually stopped replying as much then you need to consider the friendship as all but over. Sometimes that happens in life but don’t take it personally, just move on and step back yourself.

@BackforGood

YABU

She only bothers with me when it's about her

Oh, the irony, from someone who starts a conversation "oh I have the worst headache today,"

YA also BU to expect people to reply straight away to your messages.

That's a bit harsh. I agree that a headache doesn't need an emergency response in return, but maybe OP was making small talk.

I would try not to take it personally OP, obviously you know her better than anyone else, but not replying instantly to a small talk message isn't a crime, is it? Most people are a bit sick of making small talk by now unfortunately. But if you feel she only uses you when she wants something, you can either bring it up with her, or take a step back and see if she gets in touch.