Friend is really rude ,aibu here?

[sanber]

We have been friends for over 10 years but the last year she's been really rude.
She rarely texts me first,rings me once every couple of months.
Today for example I text her "oh I have the worst headache today,hope you've had a good week"
Went on WhatsApp and didn't click on it for two hours,then read it and didn't respond.
Now obviously it wasn't a question but normally that's how you speak with friends.
Yet she's on Facebook,sharing random rubbish.
Yet can't be arsed to string a two second reply.
Then other times mid conversation she just stops responding and you will see her on Facebook.
Am I being over sensitive or is it rude ?

So I can't mention I have a headache
I can't ask her if she's had a good week
I can't ask her if she's got her head around homeschooling (last thing she rang me to complain it )

What conversation topics are acceptable ?

@sanber

A bit of a drain saying I had a headache ? Really?

Yes because there is literally nothing positive or of any point in your text.

Ultimately, think about it, who cares? Go take a paracetamol and sit quiet.

Well really if that's the case when she told me she couldn't get her head around homeschooling..I should have told her to shut up and deal with it
Who cares ?

If you're not getting what you want out of the friendship, simply stop messaging her.

A friend of mine has a friend like this. She drives my friend absolutely loopy. we call her Dreary Deirdre

It’s just not very interesting is it? You sound more like acquaintances that you are making small talk with rather than friends.

@MzHz your not listening to anything I'm saying are you.
This was an example of today's text
I could text her anything and it's the same.
She only bothers with me when it's about her or she wants a rant about her husband/friends /kids etc

Netflix, Amazon prime video, iPlayer ITV hub, all four

There are some good starting points for you to find something else to do, something to think about that’s not the most dismal crap in the world

Headache? Homeschooling? Seriously why would you think anyone would want to be reminded or told about any of this crap!

What you think is a "2 second reply" may not be the case for her.

I'm so thankful that my friends don't get arsey with me if I don't respond within their perceived acceptable timescale

Erm, ive been your friend. Ive also been in your shoes. Shes trying to drop you by drifting away. Friendship break ups can be rough. Try not to drag it out.

She clearly isn't someone who chats by text. She prefers to chat on the phone occasionally. Not everyone communicates in the same way or texts in the same way. I have good friends who aren't chatty by text at all.

You're being oversensitive. Unless you know that she chats to others by text...?

It doesn't necessarily mean she's not a good friend. But it may mean your friendship styles are very different.

@GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat I don't think every conversation with a friend of over 10 years has to be interesting every exchange.
Isn't friendship real life ?
Not fake I'm so happy every day shit

@sanber

So I can't mention I have a headache I can't ask her if she's had a good week I can't ask her if she's got her head around homeschooling (last thing she rang me to complain it )

What conversation topics are acceptable ?

Obviously you can. But I mean that's the atart. Who starts just a catch up message negatively umleas you are announcing death (god forbid).

'sup How are you doing? Hope you are enjoying the weather. I got some banging headache but I am sure that will bugger off soon with the sun shining like that. Hope you are all doing ok!

However, it sounds like you both should look at the behaviour if she really just calls you about herself and no convo about you!

Then get a friend that’s more akin to you.

It’s not this friend. If she’s not responding to you the way you think she should. If she’s ungrateful or disinterested in you, move on.

To be fair, this could readily be written about me. I briefly read messages on my watch and forget to reply. And to be honest, at the moment I have absolutely naff all to speak to people about, you know, pandemic and all halting our lives. It's not that I don't care about my friends, or indeed rude, but I just have nothing to say!

This whole thing sounds like hard work. I currently have 158 unread WhatsApp notifications, 253 unread texts and god knows how many unread FB messages. If anyone was checking up on me, they'd see I've been on FB/WhatsApp/Insta, mainly just to make the notification circle go away. I've been your friend, you might know what else she has going on, be kind.

You can't expect people to drop what they're doing to send you an instant reply every time you decide it's convenient for you to message them. That's not reasonable.

Also yes to what @TrevorWithTheWeather said about reading notifications on my watch. They still show up having being read, even if I momentarily glance at them!

I'm exhausted just reading this.

I'd back off.

Is she ok? I went through a horrible stressful situation recently and honest found answering friends calls and texts overwhelming. Particularly phonecalls.
Admittedly I did not ring them to rant either. Honestly when there were times when my phone would ring I would cry. Honestly, I could not pick up the phone.

I think you're taking this too personally. Lots of friendships and chats I have have slowed down in the last few months. Because there's nothing to say mostly. The funnies on WhatsApp are much less regular. If all you've got to say is you have a headache I wouldn't feel the need to reply either. It's like saying you blew your nose this morning. No one cares. Sorry to be harsh but let it slide with your friend and if it's a meaningful friendship it will pick back up when life does.

@yookayhun

This whole thing sounds like hard work. I currently have 158 unread WhatsApp notifications, 253 unread texts and god knows how many unread FB messages. If anyone was checking up on me, they'd see I've been on FB/WhatsApp/Insta, mainly just to make the notification circle go away. I've been your friend, you might know what else she has going on, be kind.

We all need to do this sometimes. It's absolutely ok

Maybe open with a simple, hi how are you, have you had a good week? Instead of jumping straight in with something negative, people tend to respond better that way. That could leave it open for her to ask about you then you mention the headache.
Or, she's not that into you.

@SchrodingersImmigrant thank you so much for saying this. I work in communications/social media management so by 6pm I've been on social media/on the phone for about 10 hours, it's just so exhausting but sometimes I feel bad about ignoring my "real life" social media, just tired of seeing such draining stuff all day every day