Friend is really rude ,aibu here?

[sanber]

We have been friends for over 10 years but the last year she's been really rude.
She rarely texts me first,rings me once every couple of months.
Today for example I text her "oh I have the worst headache today,hope you've had a good week"
Went on WhatsApp and didn't click on it for two hours,then read it and didn't respond.
Now obviously it wasn't a question but normally that's how you speak with friends.
Yet she's on Facebook,sharing random rubbish.
Yet can't be arsed to string a two second reply.
Then other times mid conversation she just stops responding and you will see her on Facebook.
Am I being over sensitive or is it rude ?

@Eckhart I've already answered this.
I said
1.I think something is wrong with her as her behaviour is out of character but she won't speak about it

1. I do find it rude when she blanks messages

Yanbu op. She's rude and lacking in basic manners. As are some on here.

If it was unusual I would worry if she was ok but there's a pattern of you making the effort then I'd stop. She doesn't your friendship. Cut her loose.

Have you told her you're worried about her?

Sorry, also, have you told her that you're upset she doesn't respond?

OP, why can’t you get it into your head that your friendship has changed?

The way you’re acting is really obsessive - tracking her online movements because she hasn’t responded. Seriously, who does that?!

You were close at one point but not anymore. End of. There doesn’t need to be a reason for it. She might have other friends who aren’t as clingy as you’re acting so she enjoys engaging with them. Or maybe she is simply busy!

And you’ve still not answered the question that’s been asked numerous times - are you worried that she’s in a controlling relationship, or just upset she is cutting back on contact?

Please take what some of the previous posters are saying with a pinch of salt. Most of us would find it deeply upsetting at the idea that a friend no longer wanted anything to do with us, especially someone we had been close to who apparently has stopped responding for no reason. You are not weird to wonder what happened, to find it rude she doesn't reply to you for weeks and you're not an obsessive stalker, it comes up in chat when someone was last active so it's not exactly a hard thing to see.

honestly though, I would just drop her to be honest, it doesn't make you feel good and no one has a right to make you feel like that, it's not good for your self esteem to feel like you are chasing a friendship. Just don't - see if she bothers contacting you, if she doesn't then you've made the right choice in backing away. If she does - great. Reply in kind, prioritise those who prioritise you.

Then if you're genuinely worried then I think you need to message her saying something along those lines

When you go on Facebook it shows you who is online.
I'm not stalking anyone

@cherrybunx0 Thankyou ,for a moment it made me think ..is it me being ott

And the phrase "she's just not that into you" Makes zero sense

This is the phrase that came into my mind as well.

@Itsnotyouitsmeiswear I would normally agree with you. I'm the kind of person who responds to messages promptly and have been offended by people not responding quickly or at all but my point of view has changed. I agree that someone who can't be bothered to reply to a message isn't a real friend but it's not necessarily for that person to change but for the person texting to realise that this person either doesn't see them as a close friend or just doesn't want to be texting every day.

Yes if someone says they have a headache you could respond but you might not if you get similar messages every day.

No one knows the full story but everyone is entitled to do as they wish.

@ElderMillennial

I suppose you’re right, but if I was the position of the other person and not OP, I would just respond with short vague texts to be polite at the least and hope they they got the hint, I couldn’t just ignore totally but that’s just me I guess.
I suppose we’re all different and in my case it’s my friend who usually sends me a big long text about her life, I respond and she then totally ignores me. It’s very frustrating and makes me feel like I’ve done/said something wrong, but that’s probably more to do with my own anxieties. I’m going to take my own advice and just send short vague replies with no questions in future and wait for it to fizzle out as I don’t want to waste energy on it anymore. I hope the OP can do the same because this other woman is really not acting like a friend that she needs in her life.

@Itsnotyouitsmeiswear Yes I think we need to evaluate our friendships and how they make us feel. I have absolutely made the decision to invest less in friends who don't seem to make the effort. I also have experienced the anxiety and self doubt of thinking "is it something I said?"

I've become better at realising it's not about me and also being a bit more aware of what I say. Sometimes I draft a message (I naturally write long messages) and then go back and take half of it out because the detail is just not needed and other people might be bored by it. That's just what life and people have taught me.

@ElderMillennial
Strangely I do the same nowadays re: editing texts! I definitely think twice about what I will reply. I suppose the biggest realisation I’ve had (and most obvious really) is just that not everyone thinks/feels the same as us. We just have to carefully select which relationships have a two-way benefit I guess! I for sure am fed up of going out of my way for others who either do not appreciate it or do not return the favour!

Yes exactly @Itsnotyouitsmeiswear and I don't miss those people who I don't talk to much any more!

The way the OP snipes at the answers she doesn't like on here is an indication of perhaps why her friend has had enough of her micro-dramas and is phasing her out.

You say she’s changed in the last year, haven’t we all? Lockdown is a pile of sh*t and I can’t count a single relationship of mine that has stayed the same throughout it. We’re all finding different ways to get through it self preserve. I’d probably put it down to that and cut her a bit of slack.

I honestly don’t text anyone back right now because I’m working, homeschooling and just generally trying to keep my sh*t together. I just don’t have the energy or want to engage most of the time. So unless it’s something important I’ve given up responding to general chat. I imagine your friend may be the same, doesn’t mean it no longer friends with them and my really friend understand. I’m sure you’ll reconnect once things get better if your close

Sorry Op, time to move on...Is she still the 1st person you'd call to share news?

Am going through a very similar situation it is ok to let her go. Value and invest in other rewarding friendships, it's tough but small steps.... delete the messages! Stop reading the 'replies' or study when they did this and that. She doesn't care.... if she did she'd reply! 🌻💐

There could be alot of different reasons why she isn't responding to your messages - lockdown maybe causing probs for her. Or maybe she's not interested in maintaining your friendship?If she's only responsive when she's had a row with the partner then you've become the foul weather friend. Try refocussing your energies elsewhere with positive things and maybe she'll contact you herself?