Friend is really rude ,aibu here?

[sanber]

We have been friends for over 10 years but the last year she's been really rude.
She rarely texts me first,rings me once every couple of months.
Today for example I text her "oh I have the worst headache today,hope you've had a good week"
Went on WhatsApp and didn't click on it for two hours,then read it and didn't respond.
Now obviously it wasn't a question but normally that's how you speak with friends.
Yet she's on Facebook,sharing random rubbish.
Yet can't be arsed to string a two second reply.
Then other times mid conversation she just stops responding and you will see her on Facebook.
Am I being over sensitive or is it rude ?

a change in her behaviour and is a red flag to me.

So if you're genuinely concerned, what are you going to do? Aside from bitch on MN

What exactly can I do?
She isn't replying
She rarely rings
If I ring her she never answers

Stop trying. She obviously doesn't want to speak to you.

This thread has really made clear once again what a nest of vipers MN can be.

@sanber

What exactly can I do? She isn't replying She rarely rings If I ring her she never answers

What do you want to do?

Talk to your friend about how you feel re the friendship?

or

Help your friend in her difficult situation?

You are really not making it clear what the issue is, and seem to be deliberately avoiding doing so.

Oh god, I often worry someone might be cross referencing my FB activity with my WhatsApp responses and now I know some people actually are! Shoot me.

@Sanber I'm not saying I put excess thought into texting or that you should. I'm just pointing out a flat statement like "I have a headache" is just a factual statement not a social norm conversation opener that generates a response & conversation. It's a subtle difference , but communication wise it's nuances & subtleties like that, that make a difference socially and make people feel like a chat. Looking at texts of mine with friends , we all start with either "How are you"? or "What are you up to today?" Then the conversation develops. Whereas "I have a cold" would be all about me & suggest I wanted only sympathy , not a two way conversation. Of course I've no idea how your friend likes to open conversations, but you don't seem that fond of her anyway ,so maybe it's time to move on.

Just leave it if it's making you this angsty.

I don't really have time to message friends during the day. In the eve I may reply, or I might not. Doesn't mean I care any less about them; just means I don't feel like responding there and then. The fact that I may spend time in the evening aimlessly dicking about on fb is neither here nor there.

@sanber

What exactly can I do? She isn't replying She rarely rings If I ring her she never answers

It doesn't really sounds like she wants to be friends.

You see each other once a year.

I'd say the friendship is dead. These things happen, friendships change and end over time.

I'd let it go.

Stop stalking every single message view and keyboard tap, without any clue what the other party is doing in the whole world at that instant, and chill the hell out.

@sanber

What exactly can I do? She isn't replying She rarely rings If I ring her she never answers

Stop contacting her. Its no good if its all one sided

@sanber
It's obvious she's not interested presently in having an intense or daily contact friendship. Back off with the messages and calls and see what happens. Not all friendships last and it's possible she's called time on this one. Maybe she'll come back later, who knows.
You're making yourself miserable as your expectations of a running conversation or commentary aren't happening.
Some problems in life are hard to solve. This isn't. Move forward positively and in relationships that meet your need, and theirs.

@sanber

All I know is her whole life is making sure her partner is happy. She has no life at all She's in the house all the time (I'm talking before lockdown) She has no other friends but me. She lost touch with them years ago.

We all understand that this friend has hurt your feelings and I'm sad for you

But really, and I mean this in a nice way. (As I posted previous message accidentally before it was finished...) , you have got to chill the frig out

You come across in a less positive way , needy maybe w bit demanding, that might not add to either of your lives

I go LC sometimes, for good reason.

I'm sick of replying to shit chitchat, memes and Covid related videos I receive via WhatsApp. Sometimes I look at them, sometimes I delete them and sometimes I ignore them. She's communicating how and when it suits her. That's not rude, that's her choice.

YABU

@MzHz even once- would have me backing off

Seriously? So your friends can't tell you they have a headache? Not even once? Or you'll be backing off?

Wow. You don't sound like a very good friend at all

@MzHz

Netflix, Amazon prime video, iPlayer ITV hub, all four

There are some good starting points for you to find something else to do, something to think about that’s not the most dismal crap in the world

Headache? Homeschooling? Seriously why would you think anyone would want to be reminded or told about any of this crap!

OP gave TWO examples and you're immediately clinging on to those and taking her literally, as though that's all she ever talks about.

Try reading the thread again.

@sanber

I've sent her funny meme Funny tick tock videos It makes no difference She still rarely reply's Or joins in on a conversation Until she argues with her partner then I'm treated to 4 phone calls a day. That is what you call draining

I've recently walked away from a friend EXACTLY like this. No matter how well we get along, no matter the fact that we can chat for hours & hours on end, given the time. No matter all that, she just doesn't bother - until something kicks off at her end and then my day is on hold with call after call. Yet if something kicks off at my end, she's far too busy.....

If you had some drama at your end and you called her repeatedly, how would she react?

If it was me, I wouldn't bother with her anymore.
I do however, have a bad attitude atm & am completely over people's half arsed efforts & bullshit friendships.

My neighbour always send me cryptic but moany texts, interspersed with plugs for her community cafe (which I know about, and will never go to because it is only open when I am at work, which she knows).

So:
Text 1: so much litter in the street this morning, makes you think doesn’t it
Text 2: Malaysian food at Corner Cafe Tuesday lunchtime! 1-3pm
Text 3: Simon saw a rat in the street on Friday (nb I have no idea who Simon is)
Text 4: Jazz band playing in Local Park this Saturday
Text 5: My dad’s seeing the physio today (her dad is 92 and lives in Scotland, I have never met him)
Text 5: Bring and buy sale at the cafe today!
Text 6: Do you think your insurance would cover a water leak in my house? Mine has lapsed (real question, from last month. She had her insurance cancelled 15 years ago for fraud, which she has obviously forgotten she told us)
Text 7: Cafe supplying packed lunches for needy kids this half term!
Text 8: I saw the police by the station this morning (we live in Brixton, we see the police daily)
Text 8: Must come over to yours for some wine once this is all over (what? No)
Text 9: How old is your son now? Is he in school yet?

Totally pointless. Hardly ever reply. I’d block her number if we didn’t share a freehold. I get the distinct impression you are doing something similar to your friend.

@Changechangychange why don't you tell her you just don't like her then?
Clearly you don't if you can't be arsed to reply.
Save her the embarrassment of you know (being nice and trying to be your friend )

@MNWorldisCrazy Thankyou for that.
Most of the people have jumped on that I'm this moany cow.
It's not like that at all
I know when she's arguing with her OH she will be ringing me for a chat.

@MNWorldisCrazy I don't think she would answer.
When I was having a bad time I sent her a few messages (that half were ignored )
Then text later the day asking if I knew how to put downloader on her fire stick.

I literally can’t believe how many people think it’s ok to just totally ignore a message from a friend, no matter WHAT is says!
If a friend text me saying she had a headache I’d reply with ‘I hope you feel better ASAP’, if she told me she was having a shit time and feeling depressed I’d respond ‘I hope you perk up soon and let me know if I can do anything’ of it was as simple as ‘I’ve got so much housework to do and can’t be bothered’ I’d respond ‘me too, stick some music on and get cracking’!
Ok I’m a crap texted at times abs I may not reply INSTANTLY, but I would NEVER flat out ignore someone for days, weeks, months on end!
I’ve come across texts a day or 2 later that I opened abs totally forgot to respond to as I was busy at the time, and I’ve been very apologetic and explained.
To all you people that can happily look at a text from a friend and ignore it without a care in the world (because your life doesn’t revolve around them ) I for sure wouldn’t class you as a friend. That person has taken time out of their day to think about and text you, as a friend the least you could do is return that gesture even if it’s a day or two late! Honestly baffles me!