Friend is really rude ,aibu here?

[sanber]

We have been friends for over 10 years but the last year she's been really rude.
She rarely texts me first,rings me once every couple of months.
Today for example I text her "oh I have the worst headache today,hope you've had a good week"
Went on WhatsApp and didn't click on it for two hours,then read it and didn't respond.
Now obviously it wasn't a question but normally that's how you speak with friends.
Yet she's on Facebook,sharing random rubbish.
Yet can't be arsed to string a two second reply.
Then other times mid conversation she just stops responding and you will see her on Facebook.
Am I being over sensitive or is it rude ?

Why do you keep trying? Just pull away and when the phone rings with her name, click the button to silence the ringing and let it go to voicemail.

@cherrybunx0

I mention age because I'm aware there is a big difference in how my parents/grandparents view social media interactions and how my friends do. no insult intended there, just an observation.

No problem,no offence taken!

[quote sanber]@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe I didn't ,I posted this on my earlier posts [/quote]
Apologies sanber, I didn't see that - I would have said this much earlier. Not acknowledging birthday flowers that you sent is really unkind and it's a very strong message. It''s time for you to stop because there's no balance in your friendship and there needs to be in order for it to be a happy one.

I know it's 10 years but, sometimes friendships run their course. I had a long-term friend, she was my bridesmaid but, I didn't want to carry on seeing her, she'd changed, I'd changed and we drifted - but that was my doing and she tried. I'm sorry that I didn't tell her upfront, I would certainly do that now.

Is this where you are with your friend do you think?

So she rarely texts you and only speaks to you every couple of months.
What do you actually want from her?
I suspect that she doesn't consider you to be her number 1 friend. Sorry.

Meh

You don't like your friend , you feel she is unsupportive. Bit of a drip feed in this thread that even I couldn't be bothered to RTFT

@MzHz

A friend of mine has a friend like this. She drives my friend absolutely loopy. we call her Dreary Deirdre

You both sound like a nasty pair of cows tbh. Poor 'deidre' ...maybe your friend should be less two faced and move on.

I usually RTFT but I can't be arsed to read more of the same in this one, start and end OP posts read very similar

Jesus

She's your friend... Shes not your friend
You sound exhausting.

Personally, I do respond to emails/texts/whatsapp messages very quickly but I don't get that many and I don't have a huge amount of friends!! Sometimes, I get a message and just leave it, because there is nothing to say in response, but I do then try and start another conversation. I think if I had loads of friends, it would be different as it would be too much to keep up with. Maybe your friend dislike that?

I wouldn't judge her for being on FB rather than replying to you. She might think she is answering things you have raised there, on FB, rather than personally responding.

I would probably just stop texting her and wait to see if she gets in touch. If she phones and all she wants to talk about is problems with her DH/DC/homeschooling etc, I would ignore the next call.

If you’re messaging her a lot and not getting a response then there’s probably a good reason for it. Maybe you want to message more than she does. Maybe she feels under pressure due to the regularity of your messages, maybe she finds you needy. Maybe she’s busy, has better things to do. Maybe you’re boring or she is.

I like exchanging news and stories with friends, not inane chat, which after a while I find extremely smothering and stressful.

I’d back off and not message her until you have something entertaining or meaningful to say. A funny anecdote maybe.

@BlaBlaSmthSmth. No we’re not actually, you have no idea.

@sanber

If your sat reposting random shit on Facebook I think it's safe to say your not busy.

She obviously finds what she's posting interesting, but your messages are of little interest to her. Come on, OP, you need to broaden your horizons, find something interesting to say. Constantly messaging about the mundaneness of homeschooling and headaches etc isn't going to inspire any conversation. Repeated messages like yours are boring as hell and most people wouldn't want to engage as they'd know there would be more mundaneness to follow. Use this information to reassess your conversations and interests. Dull never sparkles..........

That's a bit harsh. I agree that a headache doesn't need an emergency response in return, but maybe OP was making small talk.

If / when I am chatting with someone, and making small talk, then I might mention a headache as part of that chat, but the OP said that is what she texted her friend. She wasn't in the middle of a conversation, or making small talk with her.
It is an odd way to start a conversation with someone who historically doesn't respond to messages on the same day.

I have around 7 or 8 friends who I message every day or every other day or they message me. Just with little inconsequential chat about our day, good or bad, something fun we saw online, the fact that I stood in dog poop etc. That is what good friendships are, sharing your time and thoughts, keeping active in each other's lives. It was the same before covid and is the same now. They all live in other countries and I haven't seen some of them for over a year, but we are part of each other's day.

and that's lovely @BrownFootStool, for you, that you have that relationship with those people. I, too have a couple of people that I have a WhatsApp chat with every day, and then I have dozens upon others of others that I don't have that sort of WhatsApp relationship with.

The key is, knowing the difference.
The OP has told us this particular friend doesn't want to chat with her via WhatsApp on a daily basis, yet is still trying to push what this particular friend doesn't want from this relationship. That is why the OP is BU to then moan.
He friend isn't being rude at all - she just either uses social media differently from the OP, or potentially doesn't see this friendship as being such a close relationship as the OP does.

[quote Sometimeswinning]@lyingwitchinthewardrobe I feel sorry for you that you dont have the same friendship I have. Or I could get that you dont have the same friendship group I have. No judgement or stress. I just wouldn't bother with you.[/quote]
I realise the context for this was my earlier post, perhaps I shouldn't have posted it and I'm sorry if it offended you.

You needn't feel sorry for me not having something that I'd never want.
We're all different and that's ok; our paths would never cross.

Apart from my OH I don't text anyone every day.

I don't know what your solution is though OP. I think I'd be pulling myself away from this friendship, it sounds one sided on your part.

She never used to be this way.
She's changed a lot recently.
I only see her once a year now and we only live 10 mins away from each other.

People do change, though. It doesn't really matter.

If you don't like the new way someone responds to you, and you know they're ok, then stop approaching them. What they used to do is irrelevant.

@sanber

She never used to be this way. She's changed a lot recently. I only see her once a year now and we only live 10 mins away from each other.

A global pandemic will change people, especially as she's having to contend with home schooling on top of everything else.

I wouldn't have expected to see her much, if at all, this year.

Noone is forcing you to be friends with her.

In my personal opinion, I think you are needy, and have an unhealthy attitude and expectation of friendships (at least in regards to how quickly someone should reply to you).

I know a lot of people have time on their hands during lockdown, but plenty of people are still working full time, running round after kids (even more so with homeschooling) and quite frankly, maybe just needing some time to themselves, and want to scroll facebook but don't want to reply to private messages at that time.

I quite frequently access social media, whilst I've got unread, or unreplying to private messages. So do many of my friends. We reply when we want to, really. Sometimes I want to just occupy myself for a bit, without having to have a conversation.

I also tend not to send (or reply to) what I'd personally see as pointless messages such as 'had a headache, hope your weekend was good', 'hows lockdown treating you' - I personally find it bland and rather dull. Plenty of people do enjoy general chit chat and that's absolutely fine and quite nice. But personally, I can't be bothered with that, perhaps that makes me (and my friends who are similar) bad friends. We seem pretty happy with the status quo. We generally only really say something, when we have something to say. It can go a month or two between speaking with some friends, and then we'll have a good catch up.

Some folk prefer to keep themselves constantly busy with hobbies etc.

There's many reasons for it, and all of it is fine. If this is new behaviour in the last year, try thinking outside the box. Is she an essential worker? Has she been homeschooling kids? Could she be struggling with lockdown and withdrawing as a result? You seem to preoccupied with being offended she hasn't responded, that it doesn't seem you've considered what could be responsible for the change.

And if none of the above apply, maybe she has just changed a bit. That's fine too.

If one of my friends called me out for accessing social media/having read their message but not replied for a while, I'd also feel extremely creeped out that they'd been keeping an eye on me, and checking up on me. I'm pretty certain several of my friends would feel the same if I did that to them.

I'm sorry ..
I don't think expecting a reply to a text off a so called close friend in a week is needy.
She's not busy,she's deliberately not arsed replying.
Yet can share random videos on Facebook.
That's how low down she values our friendship.
Anytime she text I would respond
Even if I was busy and could only muster a ha ha.

Okey dokey then.

You're obviously not going to agree with anyone's opinions on here so what's the point of this thread?

Walk away then OP. No one on here can tell you why she isn't replying, beyond what's already been said. You are not friends. You'll be so much happier when you aren't wondering why she isn't replying or why she doesn't want to be part of your life. Cut her loose and concentrate on your real friends.

Sounds like she might be phasing you out .

It's what cowards do instead of talking about it. Stop replying / take ages to reply until your friend gets the message and stops trying. It's not a nice thing to do.

I'd stop trying if I were you. Stop messaging her. You'll soon find out if she's 'ghosting' you or not.

If she lives ten minutes away and you only see each other once a year, then you’re not close friends. It sounds like you’re trying to cling on to this for no good reason.

It doesn’t sound like either of you are getting anything good from the relationship so you need to just back off and let it fade away. You can’t force someone to want to be friends with you by badgering them, and you can’t blame her for ignoring if you refuse to get the message.

Also for new friendships in your life - I’d find it really weird and draining to receive the message you sent. When friends message each other it’s usually with news, or a suggestion to catch up, or something random or funny or interesting you know they will like, or to let them know you’re thinking of them, or to ask for support. Trying to start a conversation just for the sake of it by opening with a complaint is never going to work with anyone. Nobody owes you their time or energy and I think you need to figure out friendships work a bit more and then try again with someone new.