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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend is really rude ,aibu here?

318 replies

sanber · 27/02/2021 18:51

We have been friends for over 10 years but the last year she's been really rude.
She rarely texts me first,rings me once every couple of months.
Today for example I text her "oh I have the worst headache today,hope you've had a good week"
Went on WhatsApp and didn't click on it for two hours,then read it and didn't respond.
Now obviously it wasn't a question but normally that's how you speak with friends.
Yet she's on Facebook,sharing random rubbish.
Yet can't be arsed to string a two second reply.
Then other times mid conversation she just stops responding and you will see her on Facebook.
Am I being over sensitive or is it rude ?

OP posts:
JorisBonson · 28/02/2021 15:22

If it's so relaxed, why are you so aggy about her not texting you back?

This whole thread is very weird.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 28/02/2021 15:24

Are you now saying you think her relatoonship is controlling/abusive? That warrants a whole different discussion

Original poster
sanber · 28/02/2021 15:29

@JorisBonson it's pretty straight forward.
We have a friendship that we are close enough to talk about anything and everything/confide about all sorts.
She has went from texting most days/initiating conversations/ringing etc to practically radio silence.
It's a massive change in over 10 years of her behaviour.
She's acting out of character
No argument /nothings happened
She's been odd.
This isn't normal from her.

OP posts:
MsHedgehog · 28/02/2021 15:32

Your friendship has changed. Friendships change. Really don’t understand why that concept is lost on you.

Eckhart · 28/02/2021 15:38

@sanber

Are you saying that you're worried that she has changed because something damaging is happening in her life, and you're worried about her?

or

Are you saying that she has changed and your feelings are hurt and you don't know what to do about your friendship?

AlrightTreacle · 28/02/2021 15:44

We have a friendship that we are close enough to talk about anything and everything/confide about all sorts.

...then can't you just ask her if she's okay, as she doesn't seem to chat as much anymore? Your drip feeds about her behaviour being very different to how it used to be, are you not worried about her potentially being in controlling relationship or depressed? Just sounds like you're angry at her for not being what you expect her to be as a friend.

JackieWeaverHandforthCouncil · 28/02/2021 16:16

She’s probably had enough of lockdown and can’t be arsed to do small talk over WhatsApp. I have this situation with someone who constantly sends me messages such as ‘how’s lockdown treating you, missing you’. If I respond, I just get another inane response back. She doesn’t work and has adult kids although is caring for her mother. I’m working FT form home with 2 dependent kids.

I’m on Teams all day. I don’t have time for inane chit chat. I’ve tried giving her hints but she doesn’t get them so now I only respond one a week otherwise it would be back and forth multiple times a day with nothing of substance said. However, if we were to meet in person we would have a laugh she just sends really boring messages and hovers on WhatsApp waiting to see if you’re online.

If someone sent me a message just saying ‘I’ve got a headache’ it would actually annoy me. It’s both inane and attention seeking. It’s the kind of thing you may say as part of a conversation not the opening line. People sending me picture of cocktails or their food would also not get a speedy response. There are people who like sitting on the phone saying nothing and that’s fine for them but some of us use WhatsApp and phones for deeper conversations or sending dumb memes or passing on messages. Maybe your friend hasn’t changed maybe she’s just recently decided she can’t be bothered to pretend she likes non conversations anymore?

Original poster
sanber · 28/02/2021 16:37

All I know is her whole life is making sure her partner is happy.
She has no life at all
She's in the house all the time (I'm talking before lockdown)
She has no other friends but me.
She lost touch with them years ago.

OP posts:
Eckhart · 28/02/2021 16:45

I thought she was all over social media all the time?

Original poster
sanber · 28/02/2021 16:48

She is all over social media
Constantly online
Sharing memes /videos of random things (not of her ,I mean funny videos etc )

OP posts:
RootyT00t · 28/02/2021 16:50

You sound really passive aggressive , OP.

Eckhart · 28/02/2021 16:51

So, did you post because you're worried about her, or because you're upset with her?

MsHedgehog · 28/02/2021 16:51

And slightly obsessed too...

JorisBonson · 28/02/2021 17:24

@Eckhart

So, did you post because you're worried about her, or because you're upset with her?
This.

You sound annoyed that she appears to have problems.

TheChip · 28/02/2021 18:01

Well this has taken a turn

ElderMillennial · 28/02/2021 18:13

You are giving mixed messages OP.

You are now saying she's changed and this is a "red flag"?

But your first post was to say she is rude for not replying...

moanieleminx · 28/02/2021 18:15

Oh you really need to reconsider your priorities in life...

And come off social media.

YABU

CSIblonde · 28/02/2021 18:46

It's not really a conversation opener saying you have a headache. Its just a statement. I always start with a question about them that requires an answer. That way you are showing interest in their life & indicating a response is the next step. Maybe she isn't as invested in the friendship as you & would rather let it drift. It happens , not much you can do & just mark it down as fizzled out & move on.

AlrightTreacle · 28/02/2021 19:24

With every update, I can more understand your friend's reasons for potentially taking a step back from your friendship.

At best you sound jealous/hurt, at worse you just sound a bit nasty. Doesn't seem like you like your friend much anyway.

Original poster
sanber · 28/02/2021 19:43

@CSIblonde why would you need to put so much thought into a text to a friend?
It's a friend ,say whatever comes to mind.
I wouldn't be sitting for 15 minutes thinking of the perfect text to get a response.
I say whatever comes natural

OP posts:
Original poster
sanber · 28/02/2021 19:44

@ElderMillennial I do find it rude she doesn't reply and yes it's a change in her behaviour and is a red flag to me.
Doesn't make it any less rude

OP posts:
TheChip · 28/02/2021 19:45

So what do you plan on doing about this, OP?

JorisBonson · 28/02/2021 19:46

This thread is the online version of smashing your face off a brick wall.

Eckhart · 28/02/2021 19:47

If someone was concerned about your welfare, would you consider them a good friend if they said

Yet she's on Facebook,sharing random rubbish
Yet can't be arsed to string a two second reply?

SeptemberAlexandra · 28/02/2021 19:54

The friendship has moved on and she’s concentrating on her relationship. That’s her prerogative.

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