WWYD if your DD told you this?

[ljs1979]

Name changed for this just in case the person concerned is on here.

My DD (15) has just told me that one of her friends who lives locally is having a hard time at home but doesn't know who to confide in. She said her friend (same age as my DD) is living with her Mum, step dad and little brother (aged 5), and that both her and mum are afraid of step dad. I asked why - she said he starts lots of arguments and there's always shouting in the house, and that at one point (a few months ago), stepdad held a knife to both her and Mum's throat (5 year old little boy was sleeping upstairs when this happened). She said Mum got her and her friend out of the house and they stayed with a relative for the night.

I asked had Mum phoned the police or tried to get any help? She said no, her friend told her mum is too scared to do this. Her friend made my DD "promise not to tell anyone because I don't want my step dad to go to prison". My DD asked her friend can I tell my Mum about it, as I know she'd want to help if she knew. Friend said yes you can tell your Mum but no one else (hence how I know).

This is a relatively new friend of my DD's - we moved house and she lives locally (they get on the same bus to school hence she's recently got to know her more). I asked my DD if school are aware of the situation, or if anyone at all is involved with the family to support them - she said not that she knows of, she gets the impression from her friend that Mum is too scared to involve anyone for help.

I'm posting for people's opinions as it just sits really, really uncomfortably with me, that a woman, her teenage daughter, and a little boy are at risk of harm from this man just a few miles from my house, but no one knows about it except me and DD. I desperately want to reach out to this poor woman and her kids, but would I be overstepping the mark? It's worth saying I've never met her and I don't even know where their house is (DD knows).

I've said to DD if your friend is ever worried or feels unsafe she's welcome at our house anytime - day or night - please let her know that, etc. My DD is going to pass that on.

Is there something else I should do? WWYD?

Fist rule of safeguarding - never promise to keep something a secret. We all have a duty of care for vulnerable people. You should contact either school or NSPCC or Social Services in the morning. Do NOT let this go.

DD went out with her friend today - there was no mention of the police. Her friend did tell her more about the incident today (and other incidents of step dad being violent to mum). They actually saw her mum and stepdad whilst out on their walk - DD said mum spoke to her and said hello etc, stepdad ignored them both. Very odd man.

I met the friend too - she came here afterwards. She seems lovely, though very timid bless her. I didn't mention anything obviously, just chatted generally to her.

I'm wondering whether the police did attend last night - I hope so. But I have no way of finding out.

@Soontobe60

I didn't promise to keep any secrets. When my DD was told about the situation by her friend, DD asked her friend if she could tell me what was going on. She told her friend "my mum won't tell anyone", as she felt this would make the friend more likely to agree to me knowing (DD must have sensed the seriousness of the situation and wanted an adult to know). DD understands now after I've explained to her, why these things can't be kept secret.

Your dd has done really well. Firstly by telling an adult (you) and by getting permission from her poor friend to do that.

What both those 15 year olds didn't fully realise was that adults who hear that kind of information about a dangerous situation, have to then take the necessary action, they can't do nothing.

Your dd made a promise on your behalf but she didn't really know that you'd be unable to keep it, so it's not her fault.

And she would feel much more disloyal to her friend if friend or friend's dm were to be seriously hurt or worse, and you and she had known the danger and done nothing.

Well done to your dd, she's done the only thing she could to help. And well done you for showing her what the next step needed to be.

for you both.

OP, looks like your immediate concerns (last night) are abated having met DD's friend today...but if you are still v worried, ypu coukd check with police that they did attend & check...I expect if they knew you made the initial call, they would let you know at least that without having to give you any additional info. I hope young girl is okay & her mum & younger sibling....very nice for her that she has a caring friend in your DD & kind family like yours to look out for her.

well done, OP. There's always only so much you can do, but you can rest a bit easier knowing you've done what you can, I hope?

You have a very kind and mature daughter OP.

So many people asking for a update . Drama vultures .It's none of our business. Glad you contacted the police though.