WWYD if your DD told you this?

[ljs1979]

Name changed for this just in case the person concerned is on here.

My DD (15) has just told me that one of her friends who lives locally is having a hard time at home but doesn't know who to confide in. She said her friend (same age as my DD) is living with her Mum, step dad and little brother (aged 5), and that both her and mum are afraid of step dad. I asked why - she said he starts lots of arguments and there's always shouting in the house, and that at one point (a few months ago), stepdad held a knife to both her and Mum's throat (5 year old little boy was sleeping upstairs when this happened). She said Mum got her and her friend out of the house and they stayed with a relative for the night.

I asked had Mum phoned the police or tried to get any help? She said no, her friend told her mum is too scared to do this. Her friend made my DD "promise not to tell anyone because I don't want my step dad to go to prison". My DD asked her friend can I tell my Mum about it, as I know she'd want to help if she knew. Friend said yes you can tell your Mum but no one else (hence how I know).

This is a relatively new friend of my DD's - we moved house and she lives locally (they get on the same bus to school hence she's recently got to know her more). I asked my DD if school are aware of the situation, or if anyone at all is involved with the family to support them - she said not that she knows of, she gets the impression from her friend that Mum is too scared to involve anyone for help.

I'm posting for people's opinions as it just sits really, really uncomfortably with me, that a woman, her teenage daughter, and a little boy are at risk of harm from this man just a few miles from my house, but no one knows about it except me and DD. I desperately want to reach out to this poor woman and her kids, but would I be overstepping the mark? It's worth saying I've never met her and I don't even know where their house is (DD knows).

I've said to DD if your friend is ever worried or feels unsafe she's welcome at our house anytime - day or night - please let her know that, etc. My DD is going to pass that on.

Is there something else I should do? WWYD?

I'm glad you are passing on the information ...it is too big & dangerous a secret to keep. We done to your DD, she is a good friend...her friend will realise it in time even if she is unable to now

Can someone, anyone on this thread tell me if any of the OP's posts are my business?
What the heck is your problem @Whooptydooperbounce - the OP has provided the information in a post and has then clarified it - seriously, what's wrong?

Also, it's natural to feel vulnerable and like it's 100% obvious where the report came from - it's rarely like that from the other side. Police already told you that the family is known to them so there will be a number of people already aware of the horrible situation who are as likely (possibly more likely) people t have filed the report than you are. The fact that you don't even know the mum makes it rather unlikely that it's you tbh.

@Whooptydooperbounce I'm reporting your abnoxious, vile, aggressive behaviour - I have not demanded a thing!!
Leave me alone! I don't see you picking on any of the other pps asking questions about the police.
@MNHQ

It's so wrong to know if the police have been round to remove the abuser. Oh what a bitch I am.

@TheChip

Are the police actually going? I'd be very surprised if they do and don't just refer over to CS.

They said so yes, within 2 hours of my call.

@Whooptydooperbounce I haven't watched terrestrial TV in 3yrs.
@MNHQ

Oh and will you look at that @Whooptydooperbounce another pp asking the SAME QUESTION AS ME - are you going to start swearing and calling them out too - even though the OP has answered them AS WELL.

Please stop arguing on the thread
This isn't helping.

Not sure why people immediately say to involve the school. The OP can make an anonymous referral which will then be investigated. The school would not be able to act upon a third party disclosure unless they had there own concerns. They are not permitted to investigate.
OP if you feel this is not right do your own referral as I said you can do it anonymously. As you’ve no direct connection to this family, it would be unlikely to be traced back to you. Also the daughter might be hoping you’d take action, why else would she have agreed to your daughter telling you.

First rule is always that some 'secrets' are too big not to tell.

You need to make a report to social services.

@ljs1979 it's not at all unreasonable to worry, it is an intense, stressfull situation that might get worse before it gets better, but at the same time there wasn't anything else that you could have done. You've done the most useful thing you could have done, and you should praise your DD for doing the right thing (telling an adult - you) too.

Is @Whooptydooperbounce the stepdad? Seriously? Why the aggression towards ONLY ME.

@ljs1979 I'm trying to report them for having a go at me for asking about the police visit - which another pp has also asked.

@VenusTiger I don't mind updating people - you have all invested in the thread and helped me. I really appreciate it.

Just caught up on a few updates of yours I missed, OP. I see they are doing a welfare check tonight.

You have done the right thing and I really hope you can find a way to relax a bit and get some rest. It's really difficult being in your position, but hopefully things can be put in place to help this family

@SecretOfChange

Thank you xx

Ive been that kid. I was lucky and left home at 18 and had a job and rented a flat. My sister wasnt as lucky. She is now left with my mum as she is a narcisit. My brotger js the step dads son and was never hurt or abused but we were left with the brunt. School knew and didnt do anything but let me sit in side at lunch when i wasnt feeljng great. My best friends mum knew and pretended she didnt. He didnt physically hurt us but scremaed in our faces and was a bully. He was bi polar and would stop taking his medication for months at a time. Used to creep up behind me snd start an argument when i was cooking, or using a knife or the oven etc. Probably hoping i would hurt myself thus doing the job for him. When i was 16 he slapped me because i asked to use the computer....in my room... after i had just put my brother to bed. I pointed this out and whack. So i left and went to my god parents. They made me go back the next day. My mum made me apologise to him whst he wad on thr pc in my room. Used to wake up and find him on the pc in my room whilst i was asleep. He was creepy and scary. But when he was being nice it made you feel guilty for thinking he was horrible. My point is. You dont know what is going on. Tell the school please. Hopefully they will listen to you.