AIBU to think that lesbians deserve a dating app that caters exclusively to lesbians?

[Glinner]

Recently I opened an account with the app Her to bring attention to the many straight men invading lesbian dating apps by claiming a 'lesbian', 'queer' or 'trans' identity.

Given that lesbians are adult human females exclusively attracted to other adult human females, am I being unreasonable to believe that lesbians deserve spaces of their own, both online and in the real world?

Fucking hell, so now a lesbian going on a lesbian dating site isn't allowed to say that they would prefer a FEMALE lesbian WITHOUT A COCK?

Jesus fucking Christ.

I do worry about the divides and pressure on women to label themselves. I consider myself to be mostly lesbian (like 90% into women) but have had emotionally close friendships with bisexual or mostly gay men that have occasionally spilled over into being physical which was mutually enjoyable. I grew up gay in the 80s when the lesbian community was unforgiving towards women who had anything to do with men and I hoped we'd moved past that.

One of my close friends has been in a monogamous relationship with another woman for 20 years, but identified as straight prior to meeting her. Other people try to label her as bi, or as someone who was in the closet for the first 35 years of her life, and she rejects that. She insists she used to be straight and that the hetero relationships she had when younger were real and meaningful, and that she is now a lesbian. I realise the very idea that sexual orientation can change is threatening to people due to the history of that concept being used to support things like conversation therapy, but sexuality is complex and people's understanding of their own sexuality sometimes changes over time. As a young lesbian I never imagined I'd enjoy closeness with a man, but it doesn't change the fact I am primarily attracted to women.

@DeusEx
But you’re a man who defines himself as a man. So you already invaded what is supposed to be an all female space. And you did it in a way that was really aggressive and to be honest makes Gender Critical people look like insane extremists
So YABU for how you’ve done it.

Good spot!
This

So instead of male/female/lesbian dating sites, would a vaginas only dating site be allowed?

Having said that, the fact lesbians are labelled as bigots for having a genital preference is of course disgusting and abusive, and it's a sign of how MRA are exploiting trans rights to abuse women. No one ever tells gay men they have to lick transmale vaginas, and the TRA/MRA ignore the fact almost all transphobic abuse and violence comes from men.

Oh yay, Glinner is back in AIBU, using it to prop up his agenda.

Totally a legit use of AIBU, and use what mn intended it for.

(Being sarcastic, in case you missed it)

Glinner, YABU for continuing to use MN as a promo tool for you and your campaigns against trans people.

YABU for harassing an app who specifically choose to include trans women, and are completely clear about that

YABU for drawing trolls and harassment onto individual trans people who have chosen to use that app.

And a final YABU for using a misleading, biased and provocative title and OP to shit stir in AIBU.

If mnhq want to continue to tolerate your invasion of this space than at least have the decency to keep it in FWR where your supporters will easily find you.

Your persistent self promotion is pitiful.

Again missing the point.
What is the definition of Lesbian? Are we allowing biological males to re define language to suit their needs? A biological man who is attracted to a biological women is a hreteosexual male.
Should a biological women who is only attracted to other biological females be thrown off an app for stating this in her Bio?

Totally agree and I'm not a lesbian. Start one, you will be loved forever

I think a pp makes a key point.

If someone set up a XX chromosomes lesbian only dating app, would it be legally challenged, and would other pp support such a challenge?

NB. 'Cis' is considered an offensive term on this site. Mumsnet ask that you don't use it.

I’d rather someone used the other c word to be honest.

The thing is lesbian apps do not exist.

The term lesbian for apps is currently used as an umbrella term for:”queer women” not lesbians only.

If we had an app for lesbians ONLY (meaning bisexual women wouldn’t be welcome either) then you would probably find yourself with the nearest lesbian being 200km from you. Those apps wouldn’t work BUT, nothing is stopping you from designing your own lesbian app for lesbians/female only and monitoring who signs up.

Apps are inclusive. We have a local lesbian bar, it’s a known fact that’s it’s not a bar for lesbians only and that it’s an INCLUSIVE bar/space who cater mostly for queer women. But not exclusively.

There is a reason why lesbian bars are disappearing and gay bars are thriving and it’s not because of trans people, it’s because lesbians have less means to afford multiple drinks, are more likely to remove themselves from the bar scene once they couple up and simply don’t pay enough. I know owners of a few lesbian bars and they definitely say they can’t live off lesbians only. An app for lesbians only would not be profitable to the person who makes the app because the lesbian population in most areas would make the app obselete and useless. The app Her back in my home country is completely useless. I use Tinder/Bumble and Hinge because that’s where people are at, and swiping left on a trans woman cost me no more than swiping left on a woman I am not interested in.

Anyway, if you want to make it a thing, nothing is stopping you. I personally enjoy knowing I am part of an app that promotes inclusivity (as again nobody is being forced to swap right on a trans woman; and even less though to meet up with or date one through the app) but then I don’t perceive dating apps as a place I would consider a safe space (and in fact, I would think seeing a dating app as a safe space should be counter intuitive.)

YANBU Thank you for putting your head above the parapet!

@FoffeeCoffee

Fucking hell, so now a lesbian going on a lesbian dating site isn't allowed to say that they would prefer a FEMALE lesbian WITHOUT A COCK?

Jesus fucking Christ.

Nope. Totes transphobic daaaahling.

@FoffeeCoffee

So instead of male/female/lesbian dating sites, would a vaginas only dating site be allowed?

But then you’re reducing women to their vaginas.

Why can’t an app be just for women. Of the xx variety?

Yep, I agree @JustAmotherOne. I am fed up of pandering to this man’s desperate attention seeking just because he happens to share some of my views.

So do the 'Glinner is a terrible Transphobe' brigade think that lesbians using the Her app should be allowed to state 'female only, no penises' in their bio (or however these things work?) Or would that be transphobic?

Would an app for lesbians that states 'biological females only' be transphobic?

I think AIBU has a wide range of threads, I wasn't aware that there was a diktat about certain subjects being forbidden?

@FoffeeCoffee

Fucking hell, so now a lesbian going on a lesbian dating site isn't allowed to say that they would prefer a FEMALE lesbian WITHOUT A COCK?

Jesus fucking Christ.

Have you been on a dating site? You realize you can write what you want on your profile and you can swipe left on anyone you aren’t interested in.

Also “lesbian” apps make it clear they are inclusive queer spaces. So if the space being inclusive of people who aren’t exclusively lesbians is a problem. Not signing up is a good suggestion.

It’s like choosing to go to an event where it’s made clear there might be certain people showing up and then being outraged when they do show up.

No “lesbian” app is deceitful in the fact that the app isn’t exclusively for lesbians. Some people don’t read though and then become outraged at being deceived by their own lack of reading skills.

Do I enjoy swiping through men or the unicorn hunters?no. But I have never opened an app, expecting it to be genuinely lesbians only. And I wouldn’t want to be in an app that doesn’t allow bisexual folks and non-binary individuals.

People can chose to make their apps/business as inclusive as they want. I think those apps should be stopped being called lesbian apps because it makes some lesbians think it’s a space for them only and stop cattering for the majority of queer women who statistically happen to be bi.

@BarbaraofKent Put it this way, there’s nothing wrong with generally m not being attracted to a particular race, but putting ‘whites only’ on your profile is an arsehole move. Just don’t talk to someone if you don’t fancy them, it’s not difficult

It's a simple ethical question.

Do you support social pressure upon homosexual people to make required exceptions to their homosexuality, whether or not this is enjoyable to them, and to provide access to their body and sexual intercourse to affirm another person's identity?

I'd signpost you to the medal winning cyclist transwoman Rachel McKinnon, who on radio said that lesbian women could 'learn to cope' with such sex. As if that is the most that a female or homosexual person can hope for in this transaction and there is no expectation that sex should be something mutually desired and equally enjoyed, or involves reciprocal care and responsibility. It's quite chilling, in the same 'lay back and think of England' way, where that phrase was used to instruct women to meet their husband's 'needs' whether willing or not, enjoyed by them or not.

@JustAmotherOne

Oh yay, Glinner is back in AIBU, using it to prop up his agenda.

Totally a legit use of AIBU, and use what mn intended it for.

(Being sarcastic, in case you missed it)

Glinner, YABU for continuing to use MN as a promo tool for you and your campaigns against trans people.

YABU for harassing an app who specifically choose to include trans women, and are completely clear about that

YABU for drawing trolls and harassment onto individual trans people who have chosen to use that app.

And a final YABU for using a misleading, biased and provocative title and OP to shit stir in AIBU.

If mnhq want to continue to tolerate your invasion of this space than at least have the decency to keep it in FWR where your supporters will easily find you.

Your persistent self promotion is pitiful.

This in spades!!