AIBU to think that lesbians deserve a dating app that caters exclusively to lesbians?

[Glinner]

Recently I opened an account with the app Her to bring attention to the many straight men invading lesbian dating apps by claiming a 'lesbian', 'queer' or 'trans' identity.

Given that lesbians are adult human females exclusively attracted to other adult human females, am I being unreasonable to believe that lesbians deserve spaces of their own, both online and in the real world?

Yanbu

Penis-havers going onto lesbian dating apps is creepy AF.

@summerinthebigcity

DeusEx: "But you’re a man who defines himself as a man. So you already invaded what is supposed to be an all female space. And you did it in a way that was really aggressive and to be honest makes Gender Critical people look like insane extremists."

THIS

I'm a lesbian, and incidentally I can see the problem with self-identifying trans women in female spaces such as prisons.

However, a straight man (and a bunch of straight women) telling me that I should exclude trans women from 'my' space is not just transphobic but also homophobic.

Yes, getting really frustrated with straight women/men speaking on behalf of lesbians.

It’s one thing to want to look out for lesbians, it’s another to try and be the voice of lesbians and lead a fight not all lesbians agree with when you are not even gay or part of the community yourself.

And a big YANBU to Glinner. Thank you for raising awareness of this.

Glinner actually looked no different to any of the biological men on there. That was the point. He identified as a lesbian and because he admitted it and we all know he is a heterosexual male, he is the one that is accused of invading a lesbian space.
If you can't see the point then there's really no help for you.
Lesbians do not date men. Again I ask what is the definition of a lesbian. Not one person has answered yet.
The point also was a lesbian was thrown off the app because she stated she only wanted interactions with other biological women.
Again we keep talking about inclusivity, but how is that inclusive.

This is an interesting parallel. I wonder what the legal interpretation of that would be...eg born male but identified as woman and as a lesbian, on dating app and 'passed' as a biological woman with someone they were messaging and then seeing - ie their date did not perceive that they were born male. So, if they did not reveal their male genitalia and the two started engaging in sexual activity - would that be duping and therefore sexual assault?

Well known transman Stephen Whittle has called for the ending of the right of people to seek police action as in the court case mentioned.

Whittle's position is that it is transphobic for a person to wish to back out of a sexual encounter or to feel deceived when a sexual partner turns out to be physically opposite to the sex you were led to believe, and that it is too unacceptably outing and distressing to the trans person involved to permit the other party to have any recourse.

Michelle deception, pure and simple . But I can bet that the woman charged in that case has received at least three times the sentence that an6 man would get. Even murderers who are male get less...

@DeusEx

But you’re a man who defines himself as a man. So you already invaded what is supposed to be an all female space. And you did it in a way that was really aggressive and to be honest makes Gender Critical people look like insane extremists.

So YABU for how you’ve done it.

Agree with this!

And whilst I’m here, I stand behind no man who thinks his voice is more important that speaks over women.

You may well have done a lot of good but you piss all over that when you berate women and it’s because of men like you that i distance myself from all this

And I believe this is the problem, Lesbian and gay boundaries are being eroded, women's refuges are losing funding. prisons and other services for vulnerable women are being made mix sex.
Women had to fight in the house of lords this week to have the word women/mother put into a maternity bill.
Boundaries and all basic safe guarding are being completely eroded.
What's next..... If all adult boundaries are blurred. That really is my worry.

@cascade31

Is this app inclusive though? A biological women puts on her Bio that she is only interested in biological women. She gets informed this isn't inclusive and then gets banned from an app that states it's for lesbians. To me this sounds like biological men's feelings are more important than a women's boundaries and preferences. It's a bit like in the last week 3 women's refuges have not been given funding and now will close as they are not "inclusive" enough.

So to me inclusivity means women shut up, biological men's feelings and wants are far more important than yours. Women know your place.

I completely agree.

@iguanadonna

Yanbu

Penis-havers going onto lesbian dating apps is creepy AF.

See, I thought that this just goes without saying.

Lesbian = female that likes bio women = fanny.

Therefore no penises.

However I seem to be massively behind the times, wrong, and allegedly transphobic.

Whittle's position is that it is transphobic for a person to wish to back out of a sexual encounter or to feel deceived when a sexual partner turns out to be physically opposite to the sex you were led to believe, and that it is too unacceptably outing and distressing to the trans person involved to permit the other party to have any recourse.

Does that also stand for transmen - I.e if a transman is hetero and meets someone they really like, and then discover in the bedroom that the other person is a hetero transwoman? Is it also transphobic if they don't want to shag them?

Why is it called Her if it's not only for women?

YANBU

It’s all over Twitter and other social media that lesbians who exclude trans women are genital fetishists and transphobic. That a lesbian who takes the strap should take a girl penis. Biological men should not be able to identify as lesbians.

@LezJustBeHonest

YANBU

It’s all over Twitter and other social media that lesbians who exclude trans women are genital fetishists and transphobic. That a lesbian who takes the strap should take a girl penis. Biological men should not be able to identify as lesbians.

So makes you wonder what Glinner here for?

Stir up trouble, grifting? As doesn’t he have paid subscription or coffee begging bowl? Or he need to hide behind women again.

I rather listen to lesbians about issues relating to lesbians not a bloke who sees his place as spokesperson and trashes any women who calls his behaviour out.

Not very inclusive is it? If it excludes an actual lesbian who only wants to date actual women. 'Inclusive' is another one of those words whose meaning has been turned on it's head. When are some scrotum people going to realise that lesbians don't date men? Why are gonad people trying to force themselves on women that don't fancy men?

Exactly @SqeakyHindge!

It’s crazy how women on this thread are outraged at the idea that transwomen could be allowed on women’s dating apps and yet support a man, doing just that and self-declaring the voice of “oppressed lesbians”. Irony much?

One can’t come up here and be outraged lesbians can’t express their views freely on dating apps/women’s spaces and yet clap and give a standing ovation to a man creating a thread about lesbians in a predominantly female space when he isn’t a lesbian talking on behalf lesbians and shunning the actual lesbians who don’t agree with him and his views.

I don’t see how supporting guys like Glinner to do what he does is any less damaging to lesbians and women than the threat some people perceive transwomen to be.

getting really frustrated with straight women/men speaking on behalf of lesbians

If really frustrated with transwomen and men speaking on behalf of females.

You do realise if you followed this story, the women came to him to tell him her story and asked for help to highlight this problem of biological males invaded their spaces.

You may not agree all of Glinner's methods but what he does do extremely well is get people talking, discussing, highlighting conflicts between women's sex based rights and transgender ideology.

Lots of men are scared or unwilling to be an ally to women and Glinner has stuck himself right in there to highlight these problems and issues.

For some reason people want no debate. He's refused to do this and for that as a women I am very grateful.

Of course, it's odd to have straight men pretending to be women claiming to be lesbians.

@cascade31

You do realise if you followed this story, the women came to him to tell him her story and asked for help to highlight this problem of biological males invaded their spaces.

You may not agree all of Glinner's methods but what he does do extremely well is get people talking, discussing, highlighting conflicts between women's sex based rights and transgender ideology.

Lots of men are scared or unwilling to be an ally to women and Glinner has stuck himself right in there to highlight these problems and issues.

For some reason people want no debate. He's refused to do this and for that as a women I am very grateful.

It’s glad you are grateful for him as a woman. As a lesbian I am not.

I don’t agree with his actions. I don’t agree with his views and the way he goes about it and I don’t appreciate him making himself the representative of the lesbian community. I find his actions personally more damaging to me as a lesbian than the existence of transwomen in my space. The assumption that we need a MAN to come enlighten lesbians and other people about the situations of lesbians and get a conversation going about women and lesbian spaces and would be unable to do it the way he does if he wasn’t around is quite offensive. Maybe if guys like him (and his fellow straight supporters) didn’t come forward as the spokesperson for lesbians, and didn’t try to talk over lesbians, lesbians could actually share their opinions and stand up for themselves in a way that works for them?

Well I’m a bisexual female, I’m guessing we aren’t invited to this app.

However, (and not the tone of OP) gay men do have grindr, I do think women who are attracted to women are badly catered for.

No one speaks for everyone, just some. If you don't like what he does that's ok. But for a lot of women they appreciate his support.

@cascade31

No one speaks for everyone, just some. If you don't like what he does that's ok. But for a lot of women they appreciate his support.

And that’s fine, but then you can’t say it’s problematic to have males/transwomen in female spaces and then see people like glinner as amazing people who don’t cause the exact same issues you insinuate transwomen cause to lesbians.

You can’t support some men (like him) speaking over women and invading their space and be outraged at another group doing what you perceive to be the same.

@Linning agree. My adult daughter knows all that’s going on, more clued up on me and when ask or she tells me stuff never once does her knowledge come from man’s words.

@cascade31 To be honest am not interested in what good Glinner has done, I’ve seen the ugly side to how he has trashed women who haven’t toed the line.

Men should be speaking up but stepping aside, after all this is about women. I know also know that women get slated for not behaving in manner the supposed to. I’ve seen enough of that too. Yet men like Glinner get a free pass for behaving like a arsehole.

This again is classic example, women’s rights become about men who put themselves up as spokesperson instead of actual issue.

The men in my family will back and support women like decent men do, they don’t speak for them like some hero acting like they just saved them

Keep up the good work @Glinner