AIBU to think that lesbians deserve a dating app that caters exclusively to lesbians?

[Glinner]

Recently I opened an account with the app Her to bring attention to the many straight men invading lesbian dating apps by claiming a 'lesbian', 'queer' or 'trans' identity.

Given that lesbians are adult human females exclusively attracted to other adult human females, am I being unreasonable to believe that lesbians deserve spaces of their own, both online and in the real world?

@Cemin00 I absolutely would look you in the eye and remind you that Her app is for all queer folx and not only cis-gender lesbians. There is no invasion. Please don’t play into the ridiculous moral panic. The app works as designed. If you would like to create a cis-gender lesbian app only, go for it.
Trans people aren’t encroaching on our rights.

An inclusive lesbian dating app. How does that work?

"It wasn’t invaded, the app makers said their intention was an inclusive space. Once again, Linehan is playing women as if we’re stupid."

It was certainly inclusive of me! What I'm asking is, should lesbians have a space of their own? I think they should. In fact, I think it's homophobic to suggest otherwise.

@Glinner financially back the starting of one then. What are you doing here?

@Glinner I’m sorry but this post is kind of nuts. The website you went on advertises itself as a trans inclusive space (which is of course a perfectly acceptable reason for anyone NOT to use it if you do not want to include these people in your dating sphere). It’s not OK for you to go into an explicitly trans inclusive space and whinge about trans people being there though.

I feel a bit skeeved out by you coming on mumsnet to try and drum up support for this nonsense stunt as well tbh - please don’t tell women how lesbians should feel. I really loved Black Books though, and quote it all the time so thank you for that.

Trans people aren’t encroaching on our rights.

Most are not, but if you say anyone can be a women just by declaration can you really not see how that could hurt women? Especially the most vulnerable women in society. If anyone can be a women prisons are not single sex, lesbians are bisexual by definition, sports are mixed sex, shelters are mixed sex...

What I'm asking is, should lesbians have a space of their own? I think they should. In fact, I think it's homophobic to suggest otherwise.

If you want one and think there is demand, set one up.

So if the app is inclusive then anyone can join? So Glinner did nothing wrong 🤷🏻‍♀️ 'folx', 'queer', 'non-binary', that could mean anyone really. How is Glinner any different to the other males on there pretending to be lesbians?

[quote Expectant88]@Cemin00 I absolutely would look you in the eye and remind you that Her app is for all queer folx and not only cis-gender lesbians. There is no invasion. Please don’t play into the ridiculous moral panic. The app works as designed. If you would like to create a cis-gender lesbian app only, go for it.
Trans people aren’t encroaching on our rights.[/quote]
Then why the fuck is it called "Her" rather than, say, "Folx" - the very name is false advertising.

Not lesbian, but YADNU.

[quote ilikebooksandplants]@Glinner I’m sorry but this post is kind of nuts. The website you went on advertises itself as a trans inclusive space (which is of course a perfectly acceptable reason for anyone NOT to use it if you do not want to include these people in your dating sphere). It’s not OK for you to go into an explicitly trans inclusive space and whinge about trans people being there though.

I feel a bit skeeved out by you coming on mumsnet to try and drum up support for this nonsense stunt as well tbh - please don’t tell women how lesbians should feel. I really loved Black Books though, and quote it all the time so thank you for that.[/quote]
Well said.

Why are you here Glinner?

Also how many trans women are on Her? Is it like one or two that can be ignored if that’s your preference? If so you’re even more of an arse:

@Cemin00 one more time - it isn’t an app only for lesbians. Do you get that? Because your whole argument hangs on something incorrect, which isn’t very clever, is it? So whether or not the individuals that were highlighted identified as lesbians, they had a right to be there. Because the app is inclusive. What I or you think of them is beside the point, they had a right to be there.
Please continue kowtowing to Linehan while telling me that I’m a handmaiden, I hope Linehan doesn’t stop telling you what to think and how to feel or you’d really be in a mess!

I agree that lesbians should be able to have a dating app solely for lesbians and not males who 'identify as lesbians'.

But Her does market itself as 'trans inclusive' and therefore won't be used by actual lesbians anyway I wouldn't have thought? It's not really an app for lesbians. I was really uncomfortable that someone (not Glinner) posted screenshots from the site on FB with names, locations etc, even if I agreed that they were obviously males who have no right to call themselves 'lesbians'.

I appreciate everything that you have been doing for women Graham, but I do hope that you are OK.

If you would like to create a cis-gender lesbian app only, go for it.

What's a 'cis-gender lesbian app'? Don't you just mean 'a lesbian app'?

[quote Expectant88]@Cemin00 one more time - it isn’t an app only for lesbians. Do you get that? Because your whole argument hangs on something incorrect, which isn’t very clever, is it? So whether or not the individuals that were highlighted identified as lesbians, they had a right to be there. Because the app is inclusive. What I or you think of them is beside the point, they had a right to be there.
Please continue kowtowing to Linehan while telling me that I’m a handmaiden, I hope Linehan doesn’t stop telling you what to think and how to feel or you’d really be in a mess![/quote]
OK, not for lesbians, fair enough, thanks for the clarification. Is it not meant to be for women though? Like - with it being called 'Her' and that? Or are you saying that they're not actually women? Good God I hope not, that would be most transphobic of you. You'll be saying that wearing a tiara can't stop someone looking like Geoff Capes next.

How can a biological man be a lesbian?
What is the definition of a lesbian?

The point was a lesbian on that site put in her bio that she would prefer to only be contacted by biological females and couldn't filter the out her preference, I believe she was then banned from the app? Do people think that's fair to biological females?
Shouldn't they be allowed a safe space away from biological men because the rate society is going no space will be allowed free from biological males.

If you would like to create a cis-gender lesbian app only, go for it

Apps like giggle get accused of transphobia for that.

See, they don’t like jokes, Glinner.

Jokes are on the right side of reality.

YANBU but I don't know how you would stop women or indeed men giving false information and claiming to be lesbian. Photoshopped images, for example.

"If you would like to create a cis-gender lesbian app only, go for it".

Sorry, I don't recognise the word 'cis'.

If you ignore 'transwomen' on the app, you'll be accused of transphobia. A woman got banned for specifying biological women only. If you create an app such as giggle, which is for biological women, you get hounded with abuse and accused of transphobia.

@Cemin00 here, I’ve googled the app’s statement for you as you’re not very good at research:
Let’s make this clear: HER is an app for ALL WOMEN and queer folx. It is not our, nor anyone else’s place to question or invalidate another’s identity. We are here for ALL WOMEN, including the trans community.
Does that help?