Page 10 | DH's Plans

TheEasterBunnies · 2021-02-26T15:57:18+00:00

DH has made various plans this weekend. Mostly for Saturday, these include having a Covid Test, visiting his DF and cleaning out his car for resale. I'm kind of annoyed about it. Firstly, because he seems to always make plans for the weekends, solo plans, without talking to me first. He works FT all week and like most only has weekends off. Every other weekend we have his children to stay and he never makes solo plans for those weekends and expects us all to have family time but it feels like he isn't interested in having family time on the weekends we don't have them to stay, he'd rather do DIY or make solo plans. So I spend all week looking after our toddler and then come the weekend, would like us to spend time together as a family. So, for example, this Saturday, it's just expected that I'll spend all day looking after our toddler whilst he goes off and does his things. It's really starting to annoy me. AIBU.

EarringsandLipstick · 27/02/2021 09:49

Perhaps he thinks that you are the childcare, both sorts of weekends.

Dear God. Just read some of OP's posts.

3 chores. Not all weekend. He looks after his child every day. He spends time with all his children. There's no suggestion otherwise.

Original poster

TheEasterBunnies · 27/02/2021 09:50

What's entitled about sleeping in until 9-10?

OP posts:

luxxlisbon · 27/02/2021 09:50

@Franpan

Except OP has said if she ever had plans she needed or wanted to do her husband would stay at home with the toddler and be completely fine about it.

Would he be fine with her doing it every week?

Cleaning her car and doing DIY chores? He probably would be fine with that! Nothing OP has said even remotely suggests this guy isn't a good husband and an involved active father. He offered to take the child along for 2 out of 3 tasks he has to do.
The "plans" he makes are just to get chores done, which can't be done 9-5 as he is at work and after that he is with the toddler while OP works. He isn't out with friends every weekend and refusing to give OP any alone time! He even leaves earlier to work to collect the weekly shop so OP doesn't have to do it in the day, even though she is at home. It is honestly amazing to me that you are trying to paint this guy as unreasonable based on only this info.

Franpan · 27/02/2021 09:50

And the only way to deal with it, OP, is to do what he does. For the next six weeks.

“Saturday morning I’m doing yoga in the park. Then I’m going to the tip. Then I’ll be sorting out the shed, okay?”

All with your headphones on, favourite music, a few leisurely cups of tea...

Franpan · 27/02/2021 09:51

Cleaning her car and doing DIY chores? He probably would be fine with that! Nothing OP has said even remotely suggests this guy isn't a good husband and an involved active father. He offered to take the child along for 2 out of 3 tasks he has to do.

The OP has answered me above. He wouldn’t be happy.

EarringsandLipstick · 27/02/2021 09:51

I missed a few Sundays in a row to do my own thing and he moaned that his side of the family hadn't seen me in ages and when would I be coming, etc. Another time I spent one solitary Saturday doing some DIY and he looked after the toddler. He got the hump, got all depressed, snapped at the toddler, etc. When I brought it up, he said he hates being unproductive and just sitting down all day, makes him feel miserable and think of the fact that his other kids aren't here, etc. I suggested he go for a walk with the toddler. He didn't. He just sat there all day feeling sorry for himself.

You're changing your tune massively OP. Here's what you said before:

If we did have a calendar and I wrote, for example, on a Saturday, "TheEastBunnies going paddleboarding with friend," he would be fine with that, wouldn't make plans and would happily look after the toddler.

EarringsandLipstick · 27/02/2021 09:52

@TheEasterBunnies

What's entitled about sleeping in until 9-10?

Nothing. But don't bloody moan that you get no break, no time for yourself, that you've to clean the kitchen till midnight. 🙇🏻‍♀️

EarringsandLipstick · 27/02/2021 09:54

He wouldn’t be happy.

He wouldn't be happy in this latest fictional instalment! Earlier in the thread, he was entirely happy. 🤔

Original poster

TheEasterBunnies · 27/02/2021 09:54

@EarringsandLipstick

I missed a few Sundays in a row to do my own thing and he moaned that his side of the family hadn't seen me in ages and when would I be coming, etc. Another time I spent one solitary Saturday doing some DIY and he looked after the toddler. He got the hump, got all depressed, snapped at the toddler, etc. When I brought it up, he said he hates being unproductive and just sitting down all day, makes him feel miserable and think of the fact that his other kids aren't here, etc. I suggested he go for a walk with the toddler. He didn't. He just sat there all day feeling sorry for himself.

You're changing your tune massively OP. Here's what you said before:

If we did have a calendar and I wrote, for example, on a Saturday, "TheEastBunnies going paddleboarding with friend," he would be fine with that, wouldn't make plans and would happily look after the toddler.

I'm not changing my tune he would be fine with that but not if I did it every weekend and was out all day.

OP posts:

Franpan · 27/02/2021 09:56

He wouldn't be happy in this latest fictional instalment! Earlier in the thread, he was entirely happy. 🤔

No, the OP is saying he would be fine as a one-off but starts to moan if her behaviour approaches his.

EarringsandLipstick · 27/02/2021 09:57

not if I did it every weekend and was out all day.

Well, that's fine - he's not doing his own thing every weekend either, nor is he out all day.

However, in your recent post you said he WASN'T happy on ONE occasion ... and took it out on you & toddler.

Completely different story. Can't work out what you're at OP.

scubadub · 27/02/2021 09:58

@Franpan if it's your own child it's PARENTING...not childcare, not babysitting.

Franpan · 27/02/2021 09:59

Well, that's fine - he's not doing his own thing every weekend either, nor is he out all day.

Every weekend he doesn’t have his own four kids, this seems to be what happens. And he doesn’t like being in the receiving end.

NoSquirrels · 27/02/2021 09:59

But no one is out all day every weekend! He’s not either.

You are refusing to communicate properly on this issue.

You want him to acknowledge you’re right to feel upset that he never does stuff just with you and the toddler.

But he’s not going to do that, clearly. He is obviously more of a practical type than an examine-my-feelings type.

Sort out how you plan weekends. By Thursday latest come up with something you’d like to do alone for a few hours, something you’d like to do with him and toddler, and then discuss with him these things alongside “is there anything you need to get done”.

Job done.

EarringsandLipstick · 27/02/2021 10:00

if her behaviour approaches his.

Not once has OP said DH is spending all day doing an activity for himself that takes all the family time

The tasks were: car cleaning, Covid test, visit to dad.

No long, full day absences, on a personal jolly.

Op can't keep her story straight & many posters are equally hard of reading.

Franpan · 27/02/2021 10:00

scubadub

What pedantic nonsense. It doesn’t matter what we call it. The child has two parents. One doesn’t get to dispose of every second weekend leaving the other to do the PARENTING alone without consultation.

sunflowersandbuttercups · 27/02/2021 10:00

@TheEasterBunnies

What's entitled about sleeping in until 9-10?

Nothing.

But don't choose to do that everyday and then complain that you never have any time to yourself.

Itslookinglikeabeautifulday · 27/02/2021 10:00

YANBU - why do you get to lone-parent a toddler at the weekend while he’s free to plan/do as he pleases? My DH was like this when our DC were little. It was infuriating. He used to go off doing very important things in his shed/the garden because he “enjoyed tinkering”. Regardless of what he is choosing to do each weekend it is the fact he has the choice and you don’t. How is that fair?

EarringsandLipstick · 27/02/2021 10:00

One doesn’t get to dispose of every second weekend leaving the other to do the PARENTING alone without consultation.

And one isn't.

Why do keep inventing stuff?

Franpan · 27/02/2021 10:01

EarringsandLipstick

No, that is this week. The OP has also said on other weekends much of the time is taken up in similar ways, like helping a mate all day for both days, or tinkering with the car.

luxxlisbon · 27/02/2021 10:01

I'm not changing my tune he would be fine with that but not if I did it every weekend and was out all day.

But he isn't doing this either so it is completely irrelevant as it isn't happening. He wouldn't want you to swan off every weekend all day and leave him home with the toddler, and nor would you - but no one is doing that.
Cleaning his car and an hour seeing his father is not remotely the entire day never mind the whole weekend.

Original poster

TheEasterBunnies · 27/02/2021 10:01

@EarringsandLipstick

not if I did it every weekend and was out all day.

Well, that's fine - he's not doing his own thing every weekend either, nor is he out all day.

However, in your recent post you said he WASN'T happy on ONE occasion ... and took it out on you & toddler.

Completely different story. Can't work out what you're at OP.

No, he wasn't happy on that one occasion, I'm not sure why.

OP posts:

EarringsandLipstick · 27/02/2021 10:01

No, he wasn't happy on that one occasion

So what's your point?

Franpan · 27/02/2021 10:02

Earring

I am not going to argue with you. It’s in black and green - the OP has said it’s frequently all day.

Original poster

TheEasterBunnies · 27/02/2021 10:02

And tbh, if you saw the state of his car... it'll take all day to clean! It's disgusting. But I'll help him do it.

OP posts: