DH's Plans

[TheEasterBunnies]

DH has made various plans this weekend. Mostly for Saturday, these include having a Covid Test, visiting his DF and cleaning out his car for resale.

I'm kind of annoyed about it. Firstly, because he seems to always make plans for the weekends, solo plans, without talking to me first. He works FT all week and like most only has weekends off. Every other weekend we have his children to stay and he never makes solo plans for those weekends and expects us all to have family time but it feels like he isn't interested in having family time on the weekends we don't have them to stay, he'd rather do DIY or make solo plans.

So I spend all week looking after our toddler and then come the weekend, would like us to spend time together as a family. So, for example, this Saturday, it's just expected that I'll spend all day looking after our toddler whilst he goes off and does his things. It's really starting to annoy me. AIBU.

[okokok000]

Based on all of your posts yabu.

He works full time and only has the weekend to get chores done. If you don't want him spending his free time at the weekend on those jobs every weekend maybe step in and do some of them during the week - by your own admission you have the time - this will free up his time.

[TheEasterBunnies]

@Chewingle

Did you get a covid test?

No

[Chewingle]

Did you get a covid test?

[Multicover]

@TheEasterBunnies

Yes! And we visited his Dad together. But... he popped into Tesco and I asked him to get me some Mini Egg Nest Cakes and he got me a Mini Egg Gateau so I'm definitely LTB now.

Absolute fucker.

[TheEasterBunnies]

Yes! And we visited his Dad together. But... he popped into Tesco and I asked him to get me some Mini Egg Nest Cakes and he got me a Mini Egg Gateau so I'm definitely LTB now.

[Chewingle]

@TheEasterBunnies

6pm and he's only just got the car done and that was with my help!

So you did something together!

[TheEasterBunnies]

@Wowwe

You sound very needy. If this is your reaction to him going for a Covid test and visiting his father, then How the hell do you act when he goes the pub or something?! 😂
Honest this is the most petty thing I’ve read!

He's the one who gets jealous on the rarest occasions I go out, e.g. the work Christmas do.

[TheEasterBunnies]

6pm and he's only just got the car done and that was with my help!

[Wowwe]

You sound very needy. If this is your reaction to him going for a Covid test and visiting his father, then How the hell do you act when he goes the pub or something?! 😂
Honest this is the most petty thing I’ve read!

[BlueThistles]

@TomorrowsPrincess

I get it now!!!
If I was your husband i wouldn't want to do anything with you either! He's making 'solo plans' so he doesn't have to spend any time with your moaning arse! He does his fair share and you still moan and nit pick!
He sounds pretty decent to me...... I'd treasure him if I was you.... before he goes and finds someone who will!
Do you actually show him any appreciation for all the hard work he seems to do?
Now get off MN and go pay your lovely husband some proper attention! 😕🤷🏼‍♀️😂

Yip 🤣😂

[TomorrowsPrincess]

@TheEasterBunnies
Noooo..... my man is waiting for me.... he's outside jet washing the cars.
Imma go help him.
Peace out ✌🏼 😘

[TheEasterBunnies]

[quote TomorrowsPrincess]@ThePluckOfTheCoward
Babes..... I'm faaarrrr too invested in this privileged crap I'm hearing here. It's laughable...... some people are never happy.
Oh and btw.... I'm guessing I'm too young to know what Stepford is 😂🙈🤷🏼‍♀️[/quote]
A quick google is all you need and I agree, Stepford is waiting for you, hun. 😘

[TomorrowsPrincess]

@ThePluckOfTheCoward
Babes..... I'm faaarrrr too invested in this privileged crap I'm hearing here. It's laughable...... some people are never happy.
Oh and btw.... I'm guessing I'm too young to know what Stepford is 😂🙈🤷🏼‍♀️

[ThePluckOfTheCoward]

@TomorrowsPrincess

I get it now!!!
If I was your husband i wouldn't want to do anything with you either! He's making 'solo plans' so he doesn't have to spend any time with your moaning arse! He does his fair share and you still moan and nit pick!
He sounds pretty decent to me...... I'd treasure him if I was you.... before he goes and finds someone who will!
Do you actually show him any appreciation for all the hard work he seems to do?
Now get off MN and go pay your lovely husband some proper attention! 😕🤷🏼‍♀️😂

Why don't YOU get off Mumsnet and get back to Stepford.

[TheEasterBunnies]

@thefishthatcouldwish

Sorry dim question but why is DH going for a Covid test then visiting someone?

He's going for a test to make sure he hasn't got covid so he can then visit his Dad. Test has come back negative.

[thefishthatcouldwish]

Sorry dim question but why is DH going for a Covid test then visiting someone?

[FoxgloveBee]

I've read the full thread and was just thinking of some ways to help you.

You don't go to sleep until late probably because you sleep in until 9/10 every day and your body clock has set to that. Set your alarm for 7am or get up with your DH. No screen time from 8pm, do a jigsaw or read a book. After a few days you'll be sleeping from 10pm and waking up naturally early.

You will have a couple of hours to yourself and you need to get used to this because when your child starts school, the lie ins will be a thing of the past!

Good luck. From an outsider perspective it sounds like you have a lovely husband. Mine works all weekend normally or at least on one day so we get used to it just being the two of us (DD5 and I) and we love it. We also love having time the three of us but DD thrives on one on one time.

[TheEasterBunnies]

@MiddlesexGirl

I get where you're coming from OP.
Overall you have a pretty good domestic arrangement but you have a couple of little niggles -
1) not enough the 3 of you time
2) DH immersing himself in chores to the exclusion of your DS.

You've broached both those things now and I guess you will have to wait to see how they pan out.
You have a smaller issue re. me time. On this I think that considering you have a toddler you aren't doing too badly. I'd suggest maybe once a month or so you don't go to his family and he takes your DS with him.

Yes, exactly! Thank you. That sounds like a good plan.

[MiddlesexGirl]

I get where you're coming from OP.
Overall you have a pretty good domestic arrangement but you have a couple of little niggles -

1. not enough the 3 of you time
   
2. DH immersing himself in chores to the exclusion of your DS.
   
   You've broached both those things now and I guess you will have to wait to see how they pan out.
   You have a smaller issue re. me time. On this I think that considering you have a toddler you aren't doing too badly. I'd suggest maybe once a month or so you don't go to his family and he takes your DS with him.

[TheEasterBunnies]

@NoSquirrels

Is it infuriating to be the “default” parent? - yes, YANBU.

Is it annoying if someone else makes plans and doesn’t consult you? - yes, YANBU.

Is it a reflection on his love for you and your toddler vs his love for his other DC that he has arranged to clean his car and see his dad this weekend? No - YABU.

Is it fair to dwell on the perceived injustice if you take no practical action to resolve the conflict? You decide...

Well, that's the plan, create a resolution

[TheEasterBunnies]

I haven't changed my story though?

[Anna12345678910]

@EarringsandLipstick

For some reason, I'm over-invested in this thread.

OP you're some piece of work. It's clear to me that this thread is just an exercise in baiting people (and I've risen to it!) as not one point / suggested solution will you accept, and you've drip fed, and changed the story throughout.

I must go & do some weekend chores myself!

I thought this a while back. The flipping back and forwards suggests this....

[TheEasterBunnies]

@EarringsandLipstick

I can't believe you get nothing done whilst your youngest child is awake?

She only has one (very sleepy) DS. Other children are DSC, DH fully involved with them.

You're way too invested in this.

[NoSquirrels]

Is it infuriating to be the “default” parent? - yes, YANBU.

Is it annoying if someone else makes plans and doesn’t consult you? - yes, YANBU.

Is it a reflection on his love for you and your toddler vs his love for his other DC that he has arranged to clean his car and see his dad this weekend? No - YABU.

Is it fair to dwell on the perceived injustice if you take no practical action to resolve the conflict? You decide...

[BusyLizzie61]

@TheEasterBunnies

Yes, I realise these things aren't exactly him going out on a jolly or pursuing hobbies or whatever but it's the fact that he doesn't talk to me about weekend plans first and just assumes he can do what he likes whilst I look after the toddler. And when does my DS get to spend any time with just his Dad if Dad is at work all week, and then doing chores at the weekend.

You're the one assuming the child is staying with you. Strap him into his car if that bothered. Job done!

It's been a lockdown and the examples you give of his solo plans hardly sound like he's living the highlife and more like he's trying not to leave you with the sc on those weekends if these things need doing.

If you want to make more of the nonsc weekends then why don't you have a diary or family calendar and plan activities. You also need to be proactive as well.