Page 8 | ToNot be forced to be vegetarian?

AlexaShutUp · 26/02/2021 15:24

don’t think veggie people should be expected to cook meat. It’s fine if they want to and they absolutely should be doing their fair share of the cooking but that doesn’t need to include meat.

I agree. I am happy for anyone to eat what they want, but if I'm cooking, meat is not on the menu.

DeeCeeCherry · 26/02/2021 15:25

I can't stand veggie zealots. Your husband is being a dictating, controlling bore.

I'm Vegetarian, DP is I'd say Flexatarian as he eats meat occasionally. It's none of my business that he eats meat sometimes - I'm not the one eating it.

In your case it's not going to be as easy as thinking up different stuff to cook, because of your husband's attitude. You could cook seperate meals for him, but I bet he moans about that too.

I couldn't abide a man like that but then I'm forthright on putting my foot down when faced with nonsense. You could do same.

Gwenhwyfar · 26/02/2021 15:27

@AlexaShutUp

don’t think veggie people should be expected to cook meat. It’s fine if they want to and they absolutely should be doing their fair share of the cooking but that doesn’t need to include meat.

I agree. I am happy for anyone to eat what they want, but if I'm cooking, meat is not on the menu.

Same here, but that's not the issue here is it.

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 26/02/2021 15:38

Oh, mate, have you checked if those beers/wine you like are vegetarian?

If you're lucky, they aren't and he'll have to give them up.

Nobody gets to police somebody else's food choices.

AlexaShutUp · 26/02/2021 15:41

Same here, but that's not the issue here is it.

No, I was responding to a pp. I've already made my view clear that the OP's DH is being utterly unreasonable to dictate what the OP should or shouldn't eat.

haba · 26/02/2021 15:43

@DdraigGoch

The 'soya in plant-based food comes from chopping down rainforests' line above is bollocks though. Rainforests are chopped down to grow soya for animal feed, for meat production. American meat production perhaps. There is hardly any soya in the diets of British cattle.

This soya, from plantations is rearing chickens in the UK, not cattle. And @lottiegarbanzo a quarter of the vegan products in UK are from this source, so not negligible IMO. @Octane A very large proportion of the beef consumed in the UK is from UK or Ireland (who rear cattle in the same manner as UK). UK beef is 75% from UK, and of the other 25%, almost 80% is from Ireland.

waitingforautumn · 26/02/2021 15:45

If you don't want to be a veggie you don't have to be. It is truly good enough to make small changes / swaps where you can. I'm a "flexi" and love eating the rainbow, but I know I couldn't live without roast chicken and McDonalds :D selfish as I am.

I can't help but feel that your DH wants you to go veggie because he feels like that would make it easier for him... well if he is so committed, why doesn't he pave the way, and embark on this new journey independently? If he is thriving in his new lifestyle I am sure that you will be inspired to join him soon enough. Best you can be until that point is supportive.

This is a very personal decision and not necessarily one that a husband and wife need to enter into together. You can support him but you're cheating yourself if you sign up for something you don't truly believe in / think you could happily adapt to.

haba · 26/02/2021 15:46

I am not arguing against vegetarianism in any way- I was vegetarian for 15 years myself. Just highlighting that there is an environmental impact of all dietary choices. (other than not eating!)

SmokedDuck · 26/02/2021 15:46

Even if you agree it's a good policy, you could point out that you don't get to tell him that he can't do x, y, or z because it might be better for climate change.

Though FWIW I would point out that attempts to model different diets don't put vegetarian at the top in terms of sustainability or efficiency.

PurpleDaisies · 26/02/2021 15:48

Same here, but that's not the issue here is it.

It was implied by another poster. Threads aren’t always just about what the op says.

2bazookas · 26/02/2021 15:59

Has your DH given up wearing leather shoes yet? Obviously he also needs to give up wearing shoes made of plastic or other oil products. Bare foot is best for the planet.

   Then he needs to  refrain from  tree murder.  Forests aren't just cut down to grow soya to feed  animals, you know;  trees are killed to  make books and toilet paper.

IFoundMyselfInThisBar · 26/02/2021 16:05

I’m a vegan after being vegetarian for many years. I think it’s the right thing and it’s definitely the right thing for me.

But I do not have the right to make decisions for others or to pressure them into my way of thinking. You need to tell your partner that you’ll be making your own decisions, if he doesn’t listen then you’ll be rethinking your relationship.

IFoundMyselfInThisBar · 26/02/2021 16:07

This isn’t really about being vegetarian. It’s about him thinking he can pressure you into doing things his way. That’s unacceptable.

Norwaydidnthappen · 26/02/2021 16:08

He can be a vegetarian but has no right to force you to be one. If he does the majority of the cooking you may have to accept vegetarian food though.

muddyford · 26/02/2021 16:08

So many vegetarian/vegan foodstuffs are imported, especially from developing nations, that it doesn't seem an ethical choice on several grounds. Suggest he becomes vegetarian on what is grown in this country.

sundowners · 26/02/2021 16:12

I've been veggie most of my life and deciding to become 1 overnight and forcing your family to do the same is definitely not realistic or likely to last long-term.
When I met him DH consumed a lot of red meat. But since meeting me, and sine I do most of the food shop and cooking, he maybe has meat 4-5 meals a week as opposed to 10-15 before. He looks at least 5 years younger than most men his age, has none of that middle aged bloat, clear skin and readily admits himself he not only feels better but also that when he does now say eat a steak, he realises how hard it is to find one that's truly delicious.

I will make him say a real ham carbonara with pancetta while I make myself one using veggie ham/bacon. I'll buy him salami pizzas etc. But wont cook him a meat roast or steak. He eats a lot of fish. Says the new veggie bacon available beats real bacon hands down and Richmond veggie sausages are as good if not better than pork.

Just compromise with your DH- offer to really reduce the meals based around meat as there is really no need - this meat +2 veg notion is seriously outdated, but to expect you to drop all meat overnight/at all is crazy.

DudeistPriest · 26/02/2021 16:18

If it's for environmental reasons eating local pasture fed meat and dairy and free range eggs can be a way forward. Many smaller farmers are interested in the environment and you can order direct. Smaller quantities but better quality. pipersfarm.com is one we like. An estate local to me is doing a fascinating project of rewilding their land using large grazing animals which they believe are the key restoring the eco system, it's really interesting and there is a book about it you can also buy their meat (and book) www.kneppwildrangemeat.co.uk

notacooldad · 26/02/2021 16:22

I've already answered but I think the vegetarian stance from your dh is a red herring.
He is trying to make you compromise your wishes when there is absolutely no need to.

Sapho47 · 26/02/2021 16:33

I'd start making bacon sandwiches each morning till he broke

PinkyParrot · 26/02/2021 16:54

Growing large scale veg is not that environmentally ok - In Calif they steal all the river water for their crops so not much downstream (Mexico) , where I live the farmers herbicide the fields each year then plant up, even for grass! I can smell the weed killer on the air - can't be good. Insecticides on a big scale.
And some farmers in the U.K. have balanced their environmental deficit. It's S America and Africa where cattle aren't bred for efficiency that is the bigger problem

Iggii · 26/02/2021 16:57

I've been a vegetarian for longer than your dh has been alive (I'm guessing!) and dh is one too and I think your dh is being completely unreasonable.

Wiredforsound · 26/02/2021 16:59

Tell him to fuck off and stop telling you what you can and can’t eat. You’re not 6.

lottiegarbanzo · 26/02/2021 17:16

@haba Your point doesn't contradict mine. Both could be true. For it to do so, you'd need to quantify your 'quarter of the UK's vegan foodstuffs' (presumably not including all the vegetables, bread, pasta etc and actually just consisting of a small range of specialist soya-based products that many vegans never buy), versus all the meat-production in the world that depends on former-rainforest-grown soya; and find the former to be significant in comparison to the latter.

I'd recommend the edition of the BBC's 'Horizon' that I mentioned up-thread. The scientific info was provided by an expert in the carbon budgets of foodstuffs, who made the 'soya for animal feed as main use of former-rainforest-grown-soya' point very clearly. There may be some interesting factual links on their website.

The thing is, I don't think it's useful or relevant for OP to go down the route of pedantically picking holes in vegetarianism and veganism, at all. She doesn't need to seek to dismiss, belittle, confuse or humiliate her DP. She needs to remind him of her own free will and decision-making capacity.

Straightforwardly, on a simple 'yes or no' basis, he is right. Vegetarianism reduces climate impact and is one of the most effective steps an individual can take, to reduce their carbon footprint. But there are more than enough nuances and grey-shaded decisions a person can take, that OP is already doing rather well with. The bottom line is, she has not appointed him as her conscience.

HerbErtlinger · 26/02/2021 17:20

It's completely your choice. I've recently decided to cut out meat for health and environmental reasons. I haven't even got round to mentioning it to DP yet (not that he will care). I cook in the home so have just made our normal meals and veggie alternatives for me

poppyzbrite4 · 26/02/2021 17:24

@Puddingypops

It’s a problem, it really is.

I love my DP, we have been together 5 years. He has recently taken on a climate change project at work and has decided he (we) should be vegetarian for the sake of climate change.

I agree that it could help, but for the record, I dont drive, (we have no car), I recycle everything, I don’t waste food, I haven’t been on a plane in more than 10 years and won’t (I’m not a well person). My carbon footprint is low compared to many.

I agreed to take small changes and substitute beef mince for soya mince (because beef I believe is the worst for carbon emissions) but my son is intolerant of it and had a very gassy and smelly reaction (so bad his trumping even scared the dog!!!).

So I’m thinking to try turkey or pork mince instead, but after a week that’s all not good enough for DP and he wants full vegetarian for all of us, he is refusing to eat meat and keep going in about it and it’s making me angry.

I don’t drink, I don’t go out much (again because I am not well) so good is a great pleasure to me (not in an unhealthy way I’m a size 8). I keep saying to him he can be a vegetarian, but I’m getting sick of hearing about it, first thing he said this morning was “so is exDH becoming vegetarian too?” (My ex DH who we are all good friends with).

Aggghhhh I don’t want to be a vegetarian!!! I feel like I give an inch in making small changes but now that’s not good enough and I hate being told what to do especially when I have few pleasures left in life due to being so poorly for the last 8 years!what should I do?

OP I've been a vegetarian/vegan (I'm a strict vegetarian, not such a strict vegan) for over 30 years and, not once, have I imposed dietary restrictions on anyone else. It's not my place to tell others what they can or can't eat. I don't cook meat or fish and don't allow people to cook meat or fish in my home but I'd never tell anyone not to eat meat.

Your partner has no right to dictate what you as a grown adult can eat. If he wants to be a vegetarian, that's great.