ToNot be forced to be vegetarian?

[Puddingypops]

It’s a problem, it really is.

I love my DP, we have been together 5 years. He has recently taken on a climate change project at work and has decided he (we) should be vegetarian for the sake of climate change.

I agree that it could help, but for the record, I dont drive, (we have no car), I recycle everything, I don’t waste food, I haven’t been on a plane in more than 10 years and won’t (I’m not a well person). My carbon footprint is low compared to many.

I agreed to take small changes and substitute beef mince for soya mince (because beef I believe is the worst for carbon emissions) but my son is intolerant of it and had a very gassy and smelly reaction (so bad his trumping even scared the dog!!!).

So I’m thinking to try turkey or pork mince instead, but after a week that’s all not good enough for DP and he wants full vegetarian for all of us, he is refusing to eat meat and keep going in about it and it’s making me angry.

I don’t drink, I don’t go out much (again because I am not well) so good is a great pleasure to me (not in an unhealthy way I’m a size 8). I keep saying to him he can be a vegetarian, but I’m getting sick of hearing about it, first thing he said this morning was “so is exDH becoming vegetarian too?” (My ex DH who we are all good friends with).

Aggghhhh I don’t want to be a vegetarian!!! I feel like I give an inch in making small changes but now that’s not good enough and I hate being told what to do especially when I have few pleasures left in life due to being so poorly for the last 8 years!what should I do?

This is frustrating.

If he is adamant and you don't mind trying (which is key!!) there are a few different mince alternatives, including some in the 'fresh' section now - might be worth trying another type?

Are you willing to try other veg alternatives and it's just mince that is the issue?

Other than that though I do think he's being unfair. He can't dictate that everyone has to be vegetarian. I am vegetarian but often prepare meat for my DP as he's not keen on most vegetarian substitutes - though he will accept mince and meatballs.

He can cook a veggie meal one night to impress you. Frankly he's controlling. Does he drive??

@Goatbriar I did mention to him the other day that exDH is thinking about giving up meat, but it’s only because he is currently in a major “smiths” phase and read a book by morrisy hahahaha he won’t actually do it! That’s why he has brought it up again.

Thanks everyone for all your support And good ideas, I think I need to sit and talk to DP and get him to come up with ideas for what I can substitute his meat with when I cook, we often have things like “garlic chicken breast, rice and hallumi salad” so I need to know what to give him instead of the meat element.

From a climate change point of view, reducing your meat consumption, especially red meat, will make a big difference. This is what the 'Meat Free Monday' idea was all about; asking a lot of people to make a small change, for an overall big effect. So could you drop one or two meat meals a week?

If he is really set on being veggie and you don't want to change at all, there will be ways of incorporating that into the family's usual way of cooking and eating e.g. maybe he can batch cook and freeze portions of veggie versions of meals you often eat? Stuff like bolognaise sauce and bean chilli freeze well.

The other approach that might help, depending on what sort of things you normally cook, is to build meals from the bottom up. So start with main elements everyone can eat (the carbs and veg), then add the meat or fish on top, as optional elements (he might prefer a meat-free alternative). Rather than the meat or fish being central to the dish, with veg as a side dish only, you have meals you can all enjoy together but differently. He might be interested in exploring that style of cooking himself.

You can just leave the chicken out or put a quorn thing in for him

Yanbu and I say that as a veggie of 28 years. Quorn makes me really gassy too. The current vegan phase has meant that nearly all veggie options are fake meat rather than interesting bean or nut based things. It is annoying.
Cook what you like for you and DS and DH can get himself some veggie things.

It's not his decision what you eat. I would ask him why he is trying to control you.

FWIW, I follow a mostly vegetarian diet for environmental reasons. I feel no guilt eating meat occasionally. Like you, I don't drive, don't fly often (have flown 3 return journeys as an adult) etc. A lot of people making small changes is far more effective than a few people making huge changes.

In your example, halloumi is his protein. No-one needs chicken and halloumi (though I appreciate you might like both). That's an excellent example of a 'bottom up' meal, with carbs and veg that are separate from the meat, plus a veggie alternative to the meat.

I think the solution is he takes over the cooking, and you and your ds can eat meat seperatly when you feel like it. Its not a big deal for the main meals to be vegetarian. Its hardly extreme

Yanbu. I haven't eaten meat for more than 30 years, but that's my personal choice. As it happens, my DH doesn't eat meat either, but I would never force that choice on him.

You eat what you want.

I’ve been a vegetarian for 13 years now and through her own choice my dd (10) is too as she refused meat from being a toddler.

My dp and ds (18) are huge meat eaters and it’s not a problem as we respect one another’s choices.

He has no right to be foisting his choices on you or anyone else.

I've not said this on here before, but this is a deal breaker and my honest advice is LTB. If he doesn't respect your decisions as to what you put inside your body, he is not worthy of your time.

@TakeTheCuntOutOfScunthorpe

I've not said this on here before, but this is a deal breaker and my honest advice is LTB. If he doesn't respect your decisions as to what you put inside your body, he is not worthy of your time.

I actually agree with this. If you tell him to stop pressuring you and he keeps on then it's not on.

[quote Puddingypops]@Goatbriar I did mention to him the other day that exDH is thinking about giving up meat, but it’s only because he is currently in a major “smiths” phase and read a book by morrisy hahahaha he won’t actually do it! That’s why he has brought it up again.

Thanks everyone for all your support And good ideas, I think I need to sit and talk to DP and get him to come up with ideas for what I can substitute his meat with when I cook, we often have things like “garlic chicken breast, rice and hallumi salad” so I need to know what to give him instead of the meat element.[/quote]
Just leave the meat out, if you’re still willing to cook for him, that is (I wouldn’t be).

I'm a vegetarian and think he is being unreasonable. It's about personal choice and he shouldn't be pushing his choices on you.
Personally I really dislike all the meaty-tasting meat substitutes. There are lots of veggie meals that aren't pretending to be meat. What we do at home is have a shared base and then my partner adds meat and I add something else.
E.g. stir fry - we make a veggie stir fry and he does chicken in a separate pan and I make tofu. A bit more washing up but overall low effort and not making whole different meals

Yes, of course, he is being an idiot. I was a vegetarian for nearly 20 years when I met dh. I wouldn't cook meat and I didn't usually have meat in my house (though I would permit it on occasion for him to cook for himself when we didn't live together). Once we did live together, I still wouldn't cook or eat meat and we ate vegetarian dinners about half the week. Because I did most of the cooking. But he was always free to cook whatever he wanted and the other half the week he cooked meat for himself to go along with whatever vegetarian meal I made for us. No one should be policing what someone else eats. That sounds more about control than climate change.

I’m a vegetarian and if anyone was trying to force me to become vegan I’d tell them to fuck off.

He's being totally controlling and a massive dick. Is he controlling in other ways?

Have you thought about lowering your meat consumption as a household all together but get organic meat instead?

I'm veggie, almost vegan. Husband enjoys meat but he's seen lots of documentaries and agreed that it's good to lower it and buy organic meat instead, so nobody is missing out in our household.

If he wants to be veggie that's fine and it's clear you're ok with that. He needs to be equally ok with you and your son choosing not to be. I'm sure there are some fantastic meals he can cook for you all, but he can't dictate what you put in your mouth.

He also needs to look very carefully at what he is eating - where is the soya coming from? If it is flown in from abroad (and I don't think much is grown here as our weather isn't warm enough) would it be more environmentally friendly to eat meat produced here? Lentils and chickpeas (other vegetarian staples) are also often flown in from abroad. In the US they have genetically modified 'roundup ready' soya which can be sprayed with roundup (very nasty weed killer) which has a terrible effect on the environment around (I assume he's concerned about other aspects of environmental damage not just climate change). In which case would he be better or small amounts of organic meat?

I would be careful if he is temped by quorn as well if your son reacts to soya as that has had a lot of reports of reactions to it.

He might want to look at the bigger picture and consider whether eating locally produced organic food might actually be a more environmentally friendly approach than just jumping on a bandwagon. xxx

I'm speaking as a veggie for 30 years- your DP is out of order.
Its one thing to initially suggest it and give it a go but its not on to keep forcing the issue when you know what you want to do.
I would be angry if I was in your position.

He can choose his own diet but he doesn't get to dictate your diet, or your son's diet.

A sensible way forward in a mixed house hold is to eat a combination of veggie meals and meals which he can have a veggie version of and you and DS a meaty version of. There are so many veggie meals which don't require fake meat as well which may be more palatable to you and DS on veggie meal days.

DH and I are both veggie and have been for years. If one of us was a meat eater we'd be doing the above.

But one thing that's important here I think is that you need to put the burden of sorting his meals on him. Obviously, it's not hard to cook some vegetarian meals each week (something that's probably healthy for all of us to do), but for meals where you would normally eat meat, cook your usual meat, and then there will be vegetarian sides/salads that you'd normally have with that. He needs to decide what he's going to have as the main bit of his meal, source it and prepare it. It's not your job to be catering to what is likely to just be faddy eating just because you're the one who usually does the cooking. I say this as someone who was a vegetarian for a long time. Even when I came over to people's houses, say, for sunday lunch, I'd bring my veg sausages or a single serving nut roast to pop in the oven because I don't think it's fair to demand people scramble around cooking me special things when they are already preparing a big lovely meal.

@cheesebubble I only ever buy organic meat, and we live in an area that has a local organic vegan supermarket too so all our veg and grains etc are organic. Not all our meals include meat either, I’ll make a spinach and ricotta tart with salad and coleslaw etc or a vegetable stew and dumplings, I just love CHOICE hahaha

Jesus wept. You tell him, once and firmly: You do not get to dictate to me or DS what we eat. I'm done hearing about it. It's not up for discussion.

Stop pandering and cooking for him. He wants something different he can cook it himself.

I have very good friends who are vegan, some friends who have never eaten meat in their entire lives. They never once try to push this on anyone else.