ToNot be forced to be vegetarian?

[Puddingypops]

It’s a problem, it really is.

I love my DP, we have been together 5 years. He has recently taken on a climate change project at work and has decided he (we) should be vegetarian for the sake of climate change.

I agree that it could help, but for the record, I dont drive, (we have no car), I recycle everything, I don’t waste food, I haven’t been on a plane in more than 10 years and won’t (I’m not a well person). My carbon footprint is low compared to many.

I agreed to take small changes and substitute beef mince for soya mince (because beef I believe is the worst for carbon emissions) but my son is intolerant of it and had a very gassy and smelly reaction (so bad his trumping even scared the dog!!!).

So I’m thinking to try turkey or pork mince instead, but after a week that’s all not good enough for DP and he wants full vegetarian for all of us, he is refusing to eat meat and keep going in about it and it’s making me angry.

I don’t drink, I don’t go out much (again because I am not well) so good is a great pleasure to me (not in an unhealthy way I’m a size 8). I keep saying to him he can be a vegetarian, but I’m getting sick of hearing about it, first thing he said this morning was “so is exDH becoming vegetarian too?” (My ex DH who we are all good friends with).

Aggghhhh I don’t want to be a vegetarian!!! I feel like I give an inch in making small changes but now that’s not good enough and I hate being told what to do especially when I have few pleasures left in life due to being so poorly for the last 8 years!what should I do?

Actually, this would fuck me right off and would probably be a deal breaker for me.

DH has been vegetarian for as long as I've known him (20 years) and although we eat mostly vegetarian that's because I like meat free meals as well as meals with meat. I'll eat what I like and someone telling me I couldn't do that would really piss me off.

Vegetarian here. I voted YANBU.
For reasons aside from your DP's, I DO believe that eating meat is an unreasonable thing to do when a person lives in a developed country and has other options, but also being a normal person, I don't press that idea on others. I do enjoy having friends! :)

Nothing is worse than someone keeping on and on about something and makes you less likely to be interested. I’m vegetarian but I couldn’t care less either way what my husband chooses to eat. Same as I wouldn’t want to be lectured by him to make me eat meat. Personal choice and should always be a choice for grown adults.

Um, I don't think I said otherwise PPNC.

OP, one thing for him to consider is the eating out vs eating at home conundrum that many 'dual-eating' households experience, whereby they eat veggie food at home but when they eat out, the omnivore chooses meat. Unless you go to very high-end restaurants indeed, the meat you eat out will definitely not be British, free-range and organic. It will be the cheap intensively-reared stuff. If you are going to eat some meat, it's better to choose the local, extensively-reared, organic option and cook it at home (as you are doing) and choose veggie options when eating out.

Something for him to ponder, in terms of the potential unintended consequences of his fervour.

Tell your DH to eat whatever he likes and buy yourself a nice thick juicy steak for dinner.

I haven't read the full thread so apologies if this is repeated. Different scenario in my house as I am the main cook for various reasons and it is I that chooses to not eat meat. I cook a mixture of meals, some veggie and some non. If it's a night where my husband has chicken, I will do myself quorn or have a stuffed mushroom. Its easy and no big deal to create both as all the other stuff is the same. Sometimes I will make a veggie pasta and then add in crispy bacon/chorizo/chopped chicken/sausage for the meaty people at the end. So everyone can have what they like - it shouldn't be a battle and it shouldn't be difficult - otherwise he can cook for himself!!! 😂

He has every right to stop eating and cooking meat, but not to impose it on another adult.

I do actually cook him steak as well sometimes - no way should my decisions affect someone else's!

I'd be cooking up two big juicy steaks for you and DS tonight. No-one gets to dictate what I can and cannot eat.

People concerned about the impact of quinoa - you can get British grown quinoa from Hodmedod’s.

he's not exactly forcing you though, is he? Or is he strapping you down and spooning it in like a foie gras goose?

@Brefugee actually yes, he just walked past and popped a carrot in my ear!

if you can eat through your ear you have some serious skillz that need exploiting. you could be a YouTube millionaire!

I'm not a vegetarian or a vegan but I do only eat small amounts of high welfare (organic/free range etc) meat. A lot of the time the meals I eat are vegetarian or vegan. I feel strongly about compassionate farming and yet I still wouldn't behave as your 'D'H is.

There is no zealot like a recent convert but he doesn't have the right to dictate how others eat or knobbishly keep nagging on at you. Tell him that if he wants to live in vegetarian house, he's more than welcome to go and find one. Alone.

Hi OP
Being vegetarian, vegan or meat and fish eater should be your choice and yours alone.

I am vegetarian but increasingly cook vegan meals, DH is not vegetarian but will eat vegan / vegetarian meals sometimes. DS meanwhile refuses to eat lamb (every since he associated lambs in the field with the stuff he was eating) and has expressed a desire to eat more vegan stuff - so we are - but he also choses to eat chicken. His choice. I cook vegetarian and vegan meals, DH does the meat and fish. It works

I’m vegetarian, my partner isn’t. For main meals, we both eat the same thing, which is vegetarian, which we also did when we had kids at home. He has meat and fish for lunch, when we make our own, and when he eats out. But that’s his choice, not pressure from me. Tell your partner you won’t be forced into this. If you are willing to compromise, split the cooking duties, so you eat vegetarian half the time (cooked by him) and you personally eat meat the other half (when he has something different, cooked by you if you’ve come to a mutual agreement). If there’s any experimenting to be done with different minces, lentils etc, I’d let him lead the way, and nor get too involved until he becomes more reasonable.

You can't force anyone to be a vegetarian or vegan if they don't want too ff's. I've been a vegan for years and my ex husband (did not split up over diet btw) ate meat fried in lard every single day.
We cooked separately. The only thing that really pissed me off was that he would liberally fry spatter lard everywhere and expect me to clean up the mess.

I don’t eat meat but the rest of my family do. We naturally have a very veggie based diet but if the others want to eat meat, they have it and I tweak the recipe for myself or have something completely different. We still eat at the same time as a family. I wouldn’t dream of trying to force the others to be veggie. They’d tell me to sod off!

There are plenty of other easy options than soya, and it could just be that brand and something else in the ingredients rather than the soya itself. Beanfeast, for example, always used to upset my stomach but nothing else like than ever has. Also some people aren't used to vegetables and beans and they make them fart at first.

I spent most of my university years cooking vegetarian meals with a flatmate whilst not being veggie myself. If we ate out/got takeaway I ate meat then.

I'm pescatarian now but sometimes cook meat for the family whilst not eating it myself. It's pretty easy to do slightly different meals and I'm sure you or he will get used to it. The easiest things are doing says, sausages chips and beans and doing meat sausages in a different tray from the veggie ones.

My favourite foods are eggs and mushrooms, no-one else in the house likes mushrooms and two people in the house won't eat eggs. I still manage to eat plenty of eggs and mushrooms myself. It's pretty easy to cater for different preferences once you get used to it.

@Palavah

You can't force him to eat meat any more than he can force you not to.

He's turning into one of those vegetarians that give them all a bad name. He's entitled to eat what he wants, but not to force everyone else to. And as someone said, what's with wanting your ex to become vegetarian too? Is he the sort to insist that no-one at work brings meat in for lunch?

I'm vegetarian. My ds isn't allowed to be veggie until he's older because there are some nutrients that do not exist outside of meat. Equally, some people cannot access the iron in plants and need the iron in meat and it isn't a good idea to discover this (giving your child anaemia) age 5 in my opinion. Also I think it needs to be his moral choice when older if he would like that and if I take away meat at this age, it's unlikely he'd be accustomed to the taste and would therefore already be biased towards my choice instead of forming his own. My husband isn't veggie, but has reduced his meat intake since we got together several years ago. He doesn't access plant iron brilliantly but managed to access some if some meat is included in diet. We're also focused on eco-friendly living as far as we can, but your husband needs to realise that vegetarian or veganism (depending) is not always feasible for everyone. We're slowly moving towards being more self-sufficient, attempt to avoid plastic as far as we can (with some exceptions), only use eco-friendly cleaning products and bath products, use cloth nappies and wipes etc. We're also hoping to start a forest garden in our garden (part the reason we moved to the countryside from London) - however, I wouldn't expect everyone to make the same choices!

I think my approach would be to say to your DH that although you do appreciate where he's coming from, it is simply not for you. However perhaps you'd be willing to do some other things towards aiding the environment instead as a compromise? Also as a note, I believe some evidence suggests too much soy isn't great for boys as it can (in large amounts as a mainstay of the diet) lower testosterone production due to the isoflavones being phytoestrogens (behaving like oestrogen). It means that limiting soy is a good idea. Again, that doesn't mean it's conclusive as some studies found the opposite, but it means it's possible that boys shouldn't eat very high levels of Soy when growing and that other factors may have a strong influence on whether it does or doesn't affect hormone levels*.

Also, I think a sudden move to soy or quorn in a large portion can cause wind etc. quite commonly. However, in some people they struggle to actually properly digest soy whereas in others after a few small exposures gradually increasing, the side effects reduce.

• pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21353476/ academic.oup.com/humrep/article/23/11/2584/2913898

I'm veggie and don't eat dairy. DH is too but it was absolutely and one hundred per cent his choice. I was veggie for years before he decided to join. Never had an issue with him buying meat. He ended up eating a lot of what I ate, just because he thought it looked nice. I actually can't stand self righteous veggies and vegans who preach to everyone.

Just because he wants to be a vegetarian, he doesn't get to enforce vegetarianism on you or anybody else.

Try telling him as you're teetotal, you expect him to be too as it's so much healthier.

Your DP is being very unreasonable and this coming from a vegetarian. I cook my DP meat and accept you can't decide someone else's diet for them.

He wants a different diet. He cooks it.

End of conversation.

He sounds like a bully.....