ToNot be forced to be vegetarian?

[Puddingypops]

It’s a problem, it really is.

I love my DP, we have been together 5 years. He has recently taken on a climate change project at work and has decided he (we) should be vegetarian for the sake of climate change.

I agree that it could help, but for the record, I dont drive, (we have no car), I recycle everything, I don’t waste food, I haven’t been on a plane in more than 10 years and won’t (I’m not a well person). My carbon footprint is low compared to many.

I agreed to take small changes and substitute beef mince for soya mince (because beef I believe is the worst for carbon emissions) but my son is intolerant of it and had a very gassy and smelly reaction (so bad his trumping even scared the dog!!!).

So I’m thinking to try turkey or pork mince instead, but after a week that’s all not good enough for DP and he wants full vegetarian for all of us, he is refusing to eat meat and keep going in about it and it’s making me angry.

I don’t drink, I don’t go out much (again because I am not well) so good is a great pleasure to me (not in an unhealthy way I’m a size 8). I keep saying to him he can be a vegetarian, but I’m getting sick of hearing about it, first thing he said this morning was “so is exDH becoming vegetarian too?” (My ex DH who we are all good friends with).

Aggghhhh I don’t want to be a vegetarian!!! I feel like I give an inch in making small changes but now that’s not good enough and I hate being told what to do especially when I have few pleasures left in life due to being so poorly for the last 8 years!what should I do?

Ooohhhh guys I feel SO much better. I was feeling like I was a bad person not to be making the leap for the sake of the planet. I do want to contribute towards preventing catastrophic climate change, of course I do, but I feel like I do. I never buy new clothes and I’m aware all the time of making sustainable choices (paying extra for the coffee pods that are recycled etc). And I was feeling like I was letting everyone down by not wanting to make this change, especially all at once!

I really feel like a weight has been lifted!

@Puddingypops I am not sure why anyone including your DP would force you to be veggie. It sounds like from a carbon footprint point of view (and my personal one), you're making all the right choices already.

That's what I also believe the entire world (mostly the first world) should do, exactly what you do. We don't all need to need to be veggies or vegan but make conscious decisions and get this planet back on track but. Regarding food buy local, good meat, try to lower the consumption etc.

I hope you can sit down again and talk to him because he's being on a "I make the world a better place" trip which will only lead to confrontation.

He can cook veggie food and you can cook meat. I’m vegan and DP is not and I cook meals that can have meat added for him.
However it is a bit unreasonable to give up on vegetarian meals on the basis of your son not being able to have vegemince... have you tried lentils, beans etc? I use lentils in place of mince and they’re much cheaper and healthier than processed substitutes too.

Sounds like you are doing more than most people for the environment already OP! I had a long-term boyfriend when I was younger who was vegan and he never once tried to convert me. Tell your partner that no-one finds a zealot attractive!

@Puddingypops

Ooohhhh guys I feel SO much better. I was feeling like I was a bad person not to be making the leap for the sake of the planet. I do want to contribute towards preventing catastrophic climate change, of course I do, but I feel like I do. I never buy new clothes and I’m aware all the time of making sustainable choices (paying extra for the coffee pods that are recycled etc). And I was feeling like I was letting everyone down by not wanting to make this change, especially all at once!

I really feel like a weight has been lifted!

I hate to say this but I've heard a few people on here and in semi real life (Twitter) where one person (usually the man) goes down the climate change rabbit hole and it becomes almost cult like and it can be really tricky. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for making sensible changes but I'm not about to give up my job so that I can buy a few hectares in the country somewhere and become entirely self sufficient either!!

Hopefully he'll calm down. And channel his energy into helping to lobby big business to make different choices eg supermarkets!

@Puddingypops

Ooohhhh guys I feel SO much better. I was feeling like I was a bad person not to be making the leap for the sake of the planet. I do want to contribute towards preventing catastrophic climate change, of course I do, but I feel like I do. I never buy new clothes and I’m aware all the time of making sustainable choices (paying extra for the coffee pods that are recycled etc). And I was feeling like I was letting everyone down by not wanting to make this change, especially all at once!

I really feel like a weight has been lifted!

Goodness no, you are not a bad person!

I am vegan but DH and DC definitely are not.

I cook big meals and they add whatever meat they fancy.

Sometimes they eat fake meat but I am generally not a fan.

I do, however sneak tons of lentils into our food which means lots of 💨 hahahaha.

@Velvian

Yanbu and I say that as a veggie of 28 years. Quorn makes me really gassy too. The current vegan phase has meant that nearly all veggie options are fake meat rather than interesting bean or nut based things. It is annoying. Cook what you like for you and DS and DH can get himself some veggie things.

OMG this. I’m a part time meat eater but bean burgers are my favourite. No restaurant or takeaway does them anymore, and I wondered why! I can’t stand fake meat, it’s over processed, tastes bad and gives me indigestion.

Thanks everyone for all your support And good ideas, I think I need to sit and talk to DP and get him to come up with ideas for what I can substitute his meat with when I cook, we often have things like “garlic chicken breast, rice and hallumi salad” so I need to know what to give him instead of the meat element.

Noooooooooooooooo, this is NOT your problem. He needs to buy and cook his own food!

The Brazilian rainforest is being chopped down to grow soya on vast plantations- soya that then makes these vegans faux-meats and animal feed.
By avoiding animals fed this way, using British organic meat, you aren't contributing to that deforestation.
He is.

I have been vegetarian since my teens and have recently become vegan. It is up to each individual what they eat you can’t force it on anyone.

My DH became vegetarian when he met me and my kids were raised vegetarian - they became vegan before me.

I am not convinced that this diet/lifestyle can save the planet. Apart from the obvious wasteful production of avocados etc there is now of multitude of processed vegan products which are bad for health and the planet.

I think you need to work out a compromise and make meals that can be adapted to either meat or vegetarian or your DH can make his own.

That’s very controlling behaviour from your DH. He asked you to do something. You said no. Now if he’s going on and on about it then that’s bullying. Emotional blackmail. Etc.

He’s deluded if he thinks his personal diet choices are going to impact the climate change crisis.

this is the article from just before Christmas from the guardian about UK meat/soya supply chains.
Only 27% of soya used in UK has been produced without causing deforestation.

@Foxtrotalpha the production of almonds, for almond 'milk' too is a huge environmental issue.

He’s deluded if he thinks his personal diet choices are going to impact the climate change crisis.

So nobody should bother to do anything? Strange attitude.

I'm vegetarian and I voted YANBU. Having said this, I think the element of compromise might involve not meat substitutions but a few more actual vegetarian dishes that are 'real vegetarian' and not 'substitutes for meat' alongside days when you have meat and your DP has what he has. An obvious one is falafel with pita, hummus, tabouli and the like.

I'd be buying a steak, cooking and eating it and telling him if he doesn't stfu you're going to buy meat every day he brings it up.

Come on man, assert yourself. Tell him to fuck off.

@PurpleDaisies

He’s deluded if he thinks his personal diet choices are going to impact the climate change crisis.

So nobody should bother to do anything? Strange attitude.

The first supermarket who nails sustainable packaging without a massive increase in price will instantly get all of my business. There's a big waitrose in York or something that's been trialling package free stores and honestly I'd love to go check it out.

Not that I'm saying that refusing to eat meat is pointless, I'm just saying that at an individual level there's a limit. We need to make sweeping changes and that, sadly, is often going to have to come from big business.

@haba

The Brazilian rainforest is being chopped down to grow soya on vast plantations- soya that then makes these vegans faux-meats and animal feed. By avoiding animals fed this way, using British organic meat, you aren't contributing to that deforestation. He is.

This. The carbon footprint of local organic beef compared with many vegan staples like soya, quinoa, avocados etc - those that are grown abroad isn't that great or something - I can't remember the details, but it's not automatically a case of beef being massively worse than soya when you have good local beef and imported mass produced soya, so maybe try and find info on that.

YANBU to not be vegetarian if you don't want to be. And it doesn't sounds like you're a big consumer, apart from having a child, which massively outweighs pretty much every other carbon 'demon' like flying, driving, beef etc, but obviously, what's done is done.

Push back. Tell him that you have heard what he's saying, you and you DS will still be eating meat on the days that you cook and you will NOT be discussing this further with him. Tell him it's up to him to decide what to do next, if he can accept your decision then that's the end of it, if he can't accept your decision then he needs to consider what he needs to change about himself to be comfortable. Does he need to live separately to you?

Long time veggie here.

Some veggies, especially the 'born again' types, do a lot of damage by being far more intolerant and preachy on this issue than they would ever dream of being on other issues.

FWIW my take is this. Anyone who eats in my house eats veggie because I live alone and it's a veggie house, that's how I like it.

However, when my lovely partner is here she cooks fish for herself that I buy for her willingly because she likes fish and it's not for me to dictate what she eats. Love means more to me than food choices. If she wanted to eat a whole cow it would be the same LOL.

Most people I know don't know I'm a veggie because I never mention it unless someone asks.

Freedom means more to me than food choices too.

We all do what we can within what our beliefs and health will permit.

BTW, a sure way of minimising 'veggie flatulance' is to just put a very small amount of ginger in any dish, you won't taste it but it will reduce the effect a lot.

Don't be a veggie unless you CHOOSE to be, your own health and well being comes first. I'm healthier with a veggie diet but not everyone is.

Good luck!

[quote haba]@Foxtrotalpha the production of almonds, for almond 'milk' too is a huge environmental issue.[/quote]
I was going to say I heard almond milk was bad for the environment.

DH is pescatarian and sometimes we all eat the same thing and sometimes we don't. It's like reusable nappies, every one you use is one disposable not in landfill - every veggie meal we have is a bit less meat consumed

I've been vegetarian for 30+ years & I think he's being a twat.

It's almost irrelevant what the thing is (in this case not eating meat) it's about him trying to force you into something you don't want to do 100%. If for example you did drive to work & he decided cars were evil & you should walk 10 miles there & back and sold the car. You're agreeing to do what you can (reduce not eliminate meat) and get the bus to work. It's not 100% but it's a step in the right direction.

I don't eat a lot of meat substitutions because of other dietary issues (and they didn't really exist for many years, so I learnt to cook differently) but I no longer eat Quorn sausages (cauldron Lincolnshire sausages are nice & in most supermarkets - I'm not keen on the Cumbria ones). But occasionally I'll have one of their escalopes (kind of in place of where you'd have chicken) which don't have that gassy effect. But maybe twice a year, if that.

Anyway, there are lots of things we could suggest for you & DS IF you were interested.
But that's not really the point here, the point here is that he's trying to force you to do something because he's a new convert to it.

Just tell him quite clearly you're happy to reduce your meat consumption (if you still are) but you're not going fully vegetarian, and he needs to STFU because he has NO right to try to force you.

And as another poster said, if it's all about climate change he needs to be very aware of where his food is coming from (but if you do the food shopping you might not want to bring that up unless you're prepared to do the leg work!)

I'm not a vegetarian, but I eat very little meat this days. One thing I would say is that it takes time to adjust your diet, decide what you do and don't like and find a new cornucopia of go-to vegetarian recipes.

I cannot stand any kind of meat substitute - quorn, soya, tofu: they are all vile. Some have meat flavouring and some don't. I don't eat sausages because I don't like the taste of meat. Why would I want meat-flavoured veggie sausages?

Equally I'm not a big fan of cheese and eggs so a lot of standard veggie fare doesn't suit.

In short - every veggie is different and I think it should be your DH doing the graft to explore his new world this not you. I think women waste far too much time cooking for family as it is. He can cook his own meals if they are different from what you are cooking for yourself and your son. Once he's figured out his preferred go tos he can let you know.

You need to play him at his own game. He clearly isn't that attached to the idea of eating meat and has decided that in his efforts to save the planet (which are very laudable) that cutting out meat is the THING to do. But you like it. And it's your choice.

Pick something else that he likes to do/buy that could be deemed non-environmentally friendly/non ethical but that you would be happy to give up - maybe thats a certain food product (avocados? Almonds?) or even something else like buying gadgets (phones and tablets etc contribute hugely to the destruction of the planet and natural habitats) and tell him you have seen the light and that as a family you all need to give up X. Present him with evidence to show that it is harming the environment (not that hard, most things do to some extent). When he objects or says he doesn't want to then point out that it's fine, it's his choice. Just like it's your choice to continue eating meat.

FWIW, my and my DH both went veggie for environmental reasons about 6 years ago. A couple of years later I then got diagnosed with coeliac disease which means there are lots of nice foods I can't have. My weight dropped a lot and then when I was pregnant with DD I became anaemic and started craving meat. I now eat meat occasionally, I don't tend to buy it at home because it's a faff doing separate meals but if we go out I will have a nice steak or a burger. He doesn't approve of this but I just ignore him and say it's my choice.