Piss off, Pam!

[FuckingFabulous]

A relative- 'Pam'- has pissed me right off this morning on Facebook (yes, I know, the root of all evil.)

And actually, it's not even just Pam, there are a few of them but she's the worst one!

Basically me and DH are group 6 for the vaccine. Me due to caring responsibilities for our DD and DH due to an underlying health condition. DH got the jab this morning and I reposted an article about how well the U.K. is doing with their vaccination programme and mentioned DH was currently having his vaccine and I'm having mine in a few days.

Straight away, Pam comments "so many young people having their jabs- what magic key have you all got to jump the queue? I'm Over 50 and I work with the public but I can't just waltz in like some! Oh well"

I just replied that I couldn't speak for anyone else but DH and I are in group 6, me for caring and him for health reasons and were invited to book, so there has been no queue jumping, and I realise it's frustrating to wait to be called when there are so many hopes riding on it. She then commented "So because you're a parent with normal parenting responsibilities, you are saying you have got rights ahead of me, a person over 50? Don't make me laugh."
I didn't reply because I was fuming as she knows full well that I have a round the clock caring role for my daughter (and she's a woman who wouldn't even have her own 20yo DD home to recover from surgery as it was "above and beyond" her responsibility ) so I was reeling from the audacity of her! I went to make a coffee and consider my response to her. I was all for politely telling her that she's being judgemental and although she's disappointed, it's not kind to be so dismissive when she's well aware of the difficulties I face at home, but then when I looked again, I saw it had all kicked off a bit!

Pam has posted another comment saying "And what's Mr FuckingFabulous's magic key condition?" Another older female relative chimes in then with a heart reaction and a comment of "I'd also love to know this, Pam! Beggars belief!!" Pam shoots back with "last time I checked, being an idiot wasn't on the list of conditions!" Cue about five laugh reactions from older relatives and comments like "this is why I love you, you say it like it is, Pam!"

DH has ADHD. Not sure if all older relatives know this but Pam, the one who called him an idiot, does indeed know!! I've had to speak to her and her husband before when they both expressed an opinion that ADHD and ASD don't exist and they're excuses for poor performance. And it is not even the condition which entitles him to a jab. Several people have also commented to her and some of the others that their comments are disgusting and Pam has been popping on a copy paste reply of "I am entitled to my opinion - it's a free country still."

So Pam has dismissed my caring responsibilities and taken the piss out of my DH for his ADHD. I have deleted the thread and spoken to my mum about it and she said it's best just to leave it, we don't want bad feelings in the family. Um, what about MY feelings? Or DH's??

WIBU to message Pam and tell her how bloody vile she is?? I should do it to all of them really, but I doubt it would have any impact.

@AlternativePerspective

@ LouJ85 actually there are people on MN who would say that it’s insensitive to announce a pregnancy because of who it might upset.

I started a thread once saying that I thought my then dh was lovely, and was told that it was insensitive to say that because there were people on MN in crap relationships.

Honestly some people just have to insist that everyone is miserable if they are.

Insanity!! Honestly my mind is blown by that sort of mentality.
🤯

All this back and forth about whether the OP should have posted or not is pointless. It's her Facebook, she can post what she likes, especially if it's good news - there's been little enough of it this last year. I don't avoid posting about new shoes in case my uncle's legs have fallen off. If you wouldn't post about your jab, then don't. It's done, save your electrons, I'm sure OP has the idea.

Anyone who sees a post about someone getting a vaccine that will be offered to everyone eventually and doesn't think "Hurrah, that's a person in my family who will now be safe, and my turn is a bit nearer as a bonus" wasn't worth worrying about offending anyway, and this aunt sounds an entirely awful person in any case so sod her.

Anyway, everyone is actually here to help plot revenge on Pam. Good for you @FuckingFabulous on your blaze of glory deletion spree, and are you any good at Photoshop? Because a "letter" from the NHS saying Pam has been put to the end of the queue for being a right fuckface would be a beautiful thing. Don't make it too convincing, obviously, you don't want her actually missing the jab, but do fill it with glitter so it goes all over her carpet.

@LouJ85 you are twisted my words conveniently.

A pregnancy announcement might upset some friends or famiy, although if I knew that, I'd let them know first.

But there is a good reason to post about something most people care about, not the state of pregnancy in general but that YOU are pregnant.

Most people are not going to care that YOU had the vaccination.

@AlternativePerspective

It's like saying "I can't believe you drive to Tesco in your Audi that you've worked hard for, that other people can't afford ...how insensitive, what if you upset them?"

Or "I can't believe you dared to mention to your work colleagues that you're going on holiday next year... how insensitive, what if they can't afford to do the same?"

I mean feck me sideways. Must we just never speak - ever - unless we have established that another person either has what we have, or wouldn't be envious of it?

Mind. Blown.

Yes getting back to the point @FuckingFabulous well done on standing up to the kind of abuse and ignorance you experienced. Too often people take the road of causing least hassle and so the abuse it permitted to continue. Good on you

[quote dontdisturbmenow]@LouJ85 you are twisted my words conveniently.

A pregnancy announcement might upset some friends or famiy, although if I knew that, I'd let them know first.

But there is a good reason to post about something most people care about, not the state of pregnancy in general but that YOU are pregnant.

Most people are not going to care that YOU had the vaccination.[/quote]

No I'm afraid I'm not.

You said it's insensitive to "brag" about something that others "desperately" want.

A pregnancy is potentially no different.

We cannot go around censoring our lives in case we upset someone who probably shouldn't be on social media if they are that upset by others' lives.

@dontdisturbmenow actually my friends DO care because they care about me and my family. Likewise me them.

Actually most people I know do care when people have their vaccines. I was asked numerous times if I’d had mine yet, and have asked numerous others the same.

And well, if they don’t actually care then they can’t be upset about it can they? ;)

I’m way off getting my vaccine but am always pleased to hear when others have had theirs.

I applaud @FuckingFabulous for standing up against bullying from toxic family members. A lot of the time people have to put up with these toxic people because it's family in case they hurt her parents' feeling or partners feelings. It's easy to burn bridges but when you have loved ones directly connected to them, it gets tricky. It's her FB page, op is free to share anything on her page. If op's family/friends don't like it, they could always mute, block or delete her. No need to be nasty about it!

My friend in her late 20's recently received her jab and shared it on Instagram. I'm happy for her because she was in a vulnerable group and no longer in danger. I'm also happy that she has shared this because a lot of young people are sceptical about the whole thing and don't want to get it. It's good that she is sharing it because it raises awareness and how important it is.

Yes getting back to the point FuckingFabulous well done on standing up to the kind of abuse and ignorance you experienced. Too often people take the road of causing least hassle and so the abuse it permitted to continue. Good on you

How has she stood up for herself? All she's done is unfriended her aunt and made a vague post about responding to her one day when she is calmer. Unless I've missed a post.

@Cadent

Yes getting back to the point FuckingFabulous well done on standing up to the kind of abuse and ignorance you experienced. Too often people take the road of causing least hassle and so the abuse it permitted to continue. Good on you

How has she stood up for herself? All she's done is unfriended her aunt and made a vague post about responding to her one day when she is calmer. Unless I've missed a post.

Well I meant this

""Pam commented on it "Family huh don't make me laugh, your daughter and her husband have just jumped the queue to the cure while people like us have to wait in danger for the selfish ones to have their turn! 🤬". Loads of family all over it like "what? That's not right!" And "omg Pam are you serious! Selfish people!!" And my DF didn't say a word to her!

I have commented. I wasn't going to, I was totally going to take the high road, but she and her ilk are fucking horrible and deserve to be knocked down a peg or two. Pam and her sisters are keen embroiderers and constantly share pictures of what they're working on (and even though I blocked one earlier I feel sure she'll be shown this) so I shared this picture and commented "Most unfortunately for most of you and especially Pam: My sympathies to all those who have to deal with your symptoms."

And yes if anyone's wondering, I do drive to Tesco in my Audi that I've worked hard for, and I do proudly display my baby bump that I've equally worked hard for, when I get out of said Audi.

And I make no apologies to anyone who sees this as "insensitive" on my part.

So, for a non-Facebook user...

Is it:

A) full of people who do care about you and therefore will be:

i) pleased you've had the vaccine (or are pregnant or whatever)

ii) upset you've had the vaccine or etc

Or

B) full of people who don't care whether YOU'VE had the vaccine (or, indeed, are pregnant etc).

And, if A ii's or Bs are on there, why are they on there?

What is Facebook actually for?

@LouJ85

And yes if anyone's wondering, I do drive to Tesco in my Audi that I've worked hard for, and I do proudly display my baby bump that I've equally worked hard for, when I get out of said Audi.

And I make no apologies to anyone who sees this as "insensitive" on my part.

I have no car but I had twins so 🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪

My friends like me so Ai

@SleepingStandingUp
🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫shhhhhh. Don't mention twins for Christ sake. What if someone who hasn't got them, wants them? 🤷‍♀️

Oh ... and I will also be sharing a photo on my FB of my gorgeous baby when she arrives, AND when I finally get the vaccination I'll be sharing that news too!

Triple whammy of reasons to hate me. Woohoo.

LouJ85 as far as I can see dontdisturbmenow was referring to mentioning the vaccine, nothing else. Why are you intent on arguing and misquoting people?
No one has said you should censor what you write, just accept that some people may not like it /disagree with you
I think that whatever the OP writes the aunt will pick on it

[quote LouJ85]@SleepingStandingUp
🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫shhhhhh. Don't mention twins for Christ sake. What if someone who hasn't got them, wants them? 🤷‍♀️

Oh ... and I will also be sharing a photo on my FB of my gorgeous baby when she arrives, AND when I finally get the vaccination I'll be sharing that news too!

Triple whammy of reasons to hate me. Woohoo. [/quote]
they can have 1. theyre 14 months. no one wants two 14 month olds. i am jealous yoiuve got a girl, mine are all boys.

twins and a kid with SN, i'm basically the classic "troll" except its all real

@LaMarschallin

So, for a non-Facebook user...

Is it:

A) full of people who do care about you and therefore will be:

i) pleased you've had the vaccine (or are pregnant or whatever)

ii) upset you've had the vaccine or etc

Or

B) full of people who don't care whether YOU'VE had the vaccine (or, indeed, are pregnant etc).

And, if A ii's or Bs are on there, why are they on there?

What is Facebook actually for?

I feel we need a whole new thread about this.

What is acceptable and non acceptable Facebook posting??

Let the MN FB police decide.

[quote dontdisturbmenow]@LouJ85, a pregnancy is a significant life event. Something others care to know about.

Who cares about a vaccination. As said, do people post about getting the flu vaccin? You could argue that you should to encourage take up. You could do so so people know about side effects. Same arguments.[/quote]
@dontdisturbmenow weak argument. People don't 'brag' about the flu jab (I post about getting like though, again it needs to be normalised) because it's not a historic vaccine that's come after months of lockdowns after a global pandemic.

You may not be interested in the vaccine, but loads are. You may be interested in someone else's pregnancy announcement, but I'm not. See how that works?

I think it's a fair comparison, because if you say that it may upset others, then it should apply to all situations. So the argument you made that one is an important life event holds not water.

@MrsKFZeeeeee

LouJ85 as far as I can see dontdisturbmenow was referring to mentioning the vaccine, nothing else. Why are you intent on arguing and misquoting people? No one has said you should censor what you write, just accept that some people may not like it /disagree with you I think that whatever the OP writes the aunt will pick on it

Misquoting people??! Where? Who?

You'll see my viewpoint is quite widely shared by other posters and has been since about 900+ comments ago, so...... hardly me "arguing" is it.

@MrsKFZeeeeee

LouJ85 as far as I can see dontdisturbmenow was referring to mentioning the vaccine, nothing else. Why are you intent on arguing and misquoting people? No one has said you should censor what you write, just accept that some people may not like it /disagree with you I think that whatever the OP writes the aunt will pick on it

Dont talked about not putting on things other people want. she didnt say dont put on vaccines other people want . that's the pregnancy / car / holiday point. if people can't mention a jab for being more vulnerable for fear of bragging, surely this opens up everything to not being acceptable

Wondering now if Susie Dent has joined in and is taking a swipe at Pam and her ilk