Piss off, Pam!

[FuckingFabulous]

A relative- 'Pam'- has pissed me right off this morning on Facebook (yes, I know, the root of all evil.)

And actually, it's not even just Pam, there are a few of them but she's the worst one!

Basically me and DH are group 6 for the vaccine. Me due to caring responsibilities for our DD and DH due to an underlying health condition. DH got the jab this morning and I reposted an article about how well the U.K. is doing with their vaccination programme and mentioned DH was currently having his vaccine and I'm having mine in a few days.

Straight away, Pam comments "so many young people having their jabs- what magic key have you all got to jump the queue? I'm Over 50 and I work with the public but I can't just waltz in like some! Oh well"

I just replied that I couldn't speak for anyone else but DH and I are in group 6, me for caring and him for health reasons and were invited to book, so there has been no queue jumping, and I realise it's frustrating to wait to be called when there are so many hopes riding on it. She then commented "So because you're a parent with normal parenting responsibilities, you are saying you have got rights ahead of me, a person over 50? Don't make me laugh."
I didn't reply because I was fuming as she knows full well that I have a round the clock caring role for my daughter (and she's a woman who wouldn't even have her own 20yo DD home to recover from surgery as it was "above and beyond" her responsibility ) so I was reeling from the audacity of her! I went to make a coffee and consider my response to her. I was all for politely telling her that she's being judgemental and although she's disappointed, it's not kind to be so dismissive when she's well aware of the difficulties I face at home, but then when I looked again, I saw it had all kicked off a bit!

Pam has posted another comment saying "And what's Mr FuckingFabulous's magic key condition?" Another older female relative chimes in then with a heart reaction and a comment of "I'd also love to know this, Pam! Beggars belief!!" Pam shoots back with "last time I checked, being an idiot wasn't on the list of conditions!" Cue about five laugh reactions from older relatives and comments like "this is why I love you, you say it like it is, Pam!"

DH has ADHD. Not sure if all older relatives know this but Pam, the one who called him an idiot, does indeed know!! I've had to speak to her and her husband before when they both expressed an opinion that ADHD and ASD don't exist and they're excuses for poor performance. And it is not even the condition which entitles him to a jab. Several people have also commented to her and some of the others that their comments are disgusting and Pam has been popping on a copy paste reply of "I am entitled to my opinion - it's a free country still."

So Pam has dismissed my caring responsibilities and taken the piss out of my DH for his ADHD. I have deleted the thread and spoken to my mum about it and she said it's best just to leave it, we don't want bad feelings in the family. Um, what about MY feelings? Or DH's??

WIBU to message Pam and tell her how bloody vile she is?? I should do it to all of them really, but I doubt it would have any impact.

How the fuck can you begrudge someone who has to do that anything?
I don't begrudge OP at all and I don't have an issue at all with anyone getting it before others because it's about getting as many people vaccinated anyway.

The only thing I deplore is going telling everyone on social media when there is no need and it's a sensitive matter for many.

It’s incredible isn’t it? Since the beginning of the pandemic people have been bitter towards the elderly and the vulnerable because they dare to be at risk from the virus meaning that we have been in lockdown. Never mind that it was the NHS we were protecting, but let’s not let that get in the way of a good bitch fest.

And now that the vulnerable are being vaccinated so that we can come out of lockdown and those bitter twats can finally go on their summer holidays and out for a piss-up in the pub, they’re bitter because those people who have been inhibiting their movements are paving the way towards them being allowed out again.

Some people just aren’t happy unless they’re miserable.

@dontdisturbmenow the reason parents who care for disabled children are in group 6 is mostly to protect the disabled child, also if a parent carer is unwell that puts pressure on the state to provide for these children. If I can’t do my sons care then he would have to go to residential care.

Hi OP, well done for posting about your experience.

I'm a doctor and agree with the WHO. The more pople who post about and normalise the vaccine, the better. I got mine in early January and posted too as I had encountered many people online and at work who were not sure if they would take it. There are many people who have a lot of anxiety about it and are vulnerable to conspiracy theories and misinformation. If they see that their friends and neighbours have had it and are fine that might help with some of their fears. People respond better to stories of human experience than a government official relaying safety data.

I don't think it's your responsibility to censor your situation to manage an uncensored emotional respone of a few nasty "why not me" individuals. Everyone will be offered the vaccine soon. Once they are, the real danger will be lack of uptake, rather than whether somebody got it 2 weeks before somebody else.

Pam needs to accept that public health doctors and epidemiologists who have spent their whole lives studying viral transmission have come up with the tier system.

@dontdisturbmenow you actually said you can't see why carers get it when there are two parents.
I was correcting your view of what carer means in this context.
I imagine caring for a disabled child is a sensitive issues for many too...

My DH has been called for his jab this week. See - hey, I posted it! On Social Media! He's older than me and immuno-compromised but he's fucking well got it before me.

WIBU to LTB?

The only thing I deplore is going telling everyone on social media when there is no need and it's a sensitive matter for many. Bollocks.

I can already see the thread title:

“So we’re hearing about all these millions of people being vaccinated, but nowhere are we seeing people actually say they’ve had the vaccine. AIBU to think the government are lying?

Not having the vaccine is in no way sensitive in comparison to someone with a serious medical condition having to justify why they’ve had it and you haven’t. Oh, and it’s likely a medical condition they’ll have for life, whereas you might only have to wait a few weeks/months for your vaccine.

@MarieIVanArkleStinks

As far as this thread is concerned the pointy-elbowed 'cunt canoe', as a PP earlier brilliantly phrased it, must be full to overflowing by now. There are no excuses. The type of people who deliberately pick fights on other people's Facebook timelines are, without exception, arseholes. It's your friend's timeline. If you don't like what they write you are free to unfriend them - I've done this with every single person I've seen posting offensive, racist shit - irrespective of who they are. And if you're too afraid to do that, you can mute.

@FuckingFabulous - you fucking are. Your response was inspired. But it's even more pleasing you've blocked this vitriolic, argumentative harridan and her ever-expanding flock of weak, easily-led, contemptible flying monkeys. When people thrive on confrontation in this way then cutting off their oxygen supply is the only effective response.

Betting also that Aunty Pam is the one family member her relatives privately fight with each other not to have to invite for Christmas. Also, what's the betting she is often heard to say 'I tell it how it is?' We all know what type of person adores that phrase.

She thrives on it. Keep her blocked.

Could not have put it more beautifully.

[quote MsAnnFrope]@FuckingFabulous yes I post about smear tests and how important they are. I also share my experiences of postnatal mental illness. Because demystifying and destigmatising health is important.

Anyone who thinks this "invites" people to give you shit and that it is justified is just frankly a massive bellend.[/quote]

Yup!!

I'm a doctor and agree with the WHO. The more pople who post about and normalise the vaccine, the better. I got mine in early January and posted too as I had encountered many people online and at work who were not sure if they would take it. There are many people who have a lot of anxiety about it and are vulnerable to conspiracy theories and misinformation. If they see that their friends and neighbours have had it and are fine that might help with some of their fears. People respond better to stories of human experience than a government official relaying safety data.

Absolutely. I'm NHS too and seeing my colleagues post about me proud of them for spreading that message far and wide. I personally can't have it until after my baby is born but I'll be getting it ASAP and posting about it when I do!

Wow. Just because I don't understand why people would put their medical stuff on Facebook invokes sympathy for me???

I just find people are too quick to share too much on social media in general and it will invite responses you don't always anticipate or want.

Re things like going for smear tests and opening up about mental health and the vaccine, of course we should prompt discussion but my neighbours don't need me to post a pic of me with my thumbs up saying 'I've been for my smear today'.

I don't think it's your responsibility to censor your situation to manage an uncensored emotional respone of a few nasty "why not me" individuals.

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

@MarieIVanArkleStinks

As far as this thread is concerned the pointy-elbowed 'cunt canoe', as a PP earlier brilliantly phrased it, must be full to overflowing by now. There are no excuses. The type of people who deliberately pick fights on other people's Facebook timelines are, without exception, arseholes. It's your friend's timeline. If you don't like what they write you are free to unfriend them - I've done this with every single person I've seen posting offensive, racist shit - irrespective of who they are. And if you're too afraid to do that, you can mute.

@FuckingFabulous - you fucking are. Your response was inspired. But it's even more pleasing you've blocked this vitriolic, argumentative harridan and her ever-expanding flock of weak, easily-led, contemptible flying monkeys. When people thrive on confrontation in this way then cutting off their oxygen supply is the only effective response.

Betting also that Aunty Pam is the one family member her relatives privately fight with each other not to have to invite for Christmas. Also, what's the betting she is often heard to say 'I tell it how it is?' We all know what type of person adores that phrase.

She thrives on it. Keep her blocked.

🙌🙌🙌

@PuggyMum

Wow. Just because I don't understand why people would put their medical stuff on Facebook invokes sympathy for me???

I just find people are too quick to share too much on social media in general and it will invite responses you don't always anticipate or want.

Re things like going for smear tests and opening up about mental health and the vaccine, of course we should prompt discussion but my neighbours don't need me to post a pic of me with my thumbs up saying 'I've been for my smear today'.

They should.

Far too many young women die through missing them with embarrassment.

@MarieIVanArkleStinks

As far as this thread is concerned the pointy-elbowed 'cunt canoe', as a PP earlier brilliantly phrased it, must be full to overflowing by now. There are no excuses. The type of people who deliberately pick fights on other people's Facebook timelines are, without exception, arseholes. It's your friend's timeline. If you don't like what they write you are free to unfriend them - I've done this with every single person I've seen posting offensive, racist shit - irrespective of who they are. And if you're too afraid to do that, you can mute.

@FuckingFabulous - you fucking are. Your response was inspired. But it's even more pleasing you've blocked this vitriolic, argumentative harridan and her ever-expanding flock of weak, easily-led, contemptible flying monkeys. When people thrive on confrontation in this way then cutting off their oxygen supply is the only effective response.

Betting also that Aunty Pam is the one family member her relatives privately fight with each other not to have to invite for Christmas. Also, what's the betting she is often heard to say 'I tell it how it is?' We all know what type of person adores that phrase.

She thrives on it. Keep her blocked.

I bloody love this. Nail on the head!!!!

And for the “you shouldn’t post about it if you don’t want the backlash” brigade, if you don’t want to be upset by it then don’t read it. It’s not that hard.

It’s her timeline. She has a right to post there whatever she wants. If Pam didn’t like it she should have muted, if it upset her sensitivities that much.

I unfriend people all the time. On my timeline and other people’s. I culled about 20 friends in the beginning of the pandemic for posting their conspiracy shite, and as time has moved on I’ve seen anti vaxx stuff in response to other peoples’ postings and rather than argue with them I just block them. You can’t argue with stupid after all, and it appears that logic has extended to this thread.

Is it any wonder that MN has the reputation it does.

Pam is the asshole here, not you OP. And sadly this thread shows there are a lot of people thinking what she voiced even if they don’t dare be so brazen. I wouldn’t swap places with you or your husband in a heartbeat and count myself very lucky indeed to be so far down the priority list.

I do agree Pam is out of order though.

Maybe it's just me that feels other peoples medical ness is non of my business.

That's fair enough although I do agree with her that in family of two parents, I don't see why carers should take priority either. Losing a parent as a child is devastating whether they were a full time parent or not

You have no idea of the reality of caring then. In a family of two parents, the likelihood is that one will be working to put a roof over their heads while the other is providing full time care.
It’s not like being a SAHM where you could choose to put your child into nursery. There is often no alternative care for children with complex needs.
Why anyone has such involved opinions on circumstances that they have absolutely no idea about it beyond me.

I unfriend people all the time. On my timeline and other people’s. I culled about 20 friends in the beginning of the pandemic for posting their conspiracy shite, and as time has moved on I’ve seen anti vaxx stuff in response to other peoples’ postings and rather than argue with them I just block them.

Me too. I've unfollowed a few conspiracy theorist anti vaxxers instead of be subjected to their tripe on my timeline. I have never once felt the need to publicly argue with them or make cunty comments. I've just removed them from my view. Isn't that what normal people do? Or am I missing something...

Just to say well done @FuckingFabulous for standing up for yourself and family, on this thread and in real life. Stick to your guns!

I have a relative who is the same age as me. She's had her first vaccination, I am still waiting. But I am healthy, and she is not. Did I call her ugly names and accuse her of jumping the queue? No, I was absolutely delighted for her.
Unfortunately Pam is not alone in her awful behaviour. There's a lot of 'me first' about and I have noticed it here on MN not just on facebook.
OP your picture response that you sent to 'Pam' was spot on, in fact I think you've been remarkably restrained.

find people who are genuinely ill often don’t shout about it, let alone paste it all over social media. I certainly won’t be sharing my vaccination status once it happens, whenever that may be.

And this just perpetuates the stigma that people arent getting the vaccine or that people are "queue jumping".

I am early 30s, appear fairly "healthy" (if overweight), am a single parent and hold down a full time job - to most people I would fall in the lowest priority band and yet I had my first jab two weeks ago because what most people dont know is that I have an autoimmune disease and other health issues that have bumped me up the list.

When I posted to say I have had the jab a few people commented with surprise that i had had it so early, but it gave me the opportunity to highlight just how many hidden disabilities/illnesses there are that people might not be aware of.

One of my colleagues at work has always been sceptical of the fact I cant wear a mask at work (I work in retail but work alone behind a screen which has required a bit of rejigging of workstations) as I "seem healthy"and had no interesting explaining mh medical history to her because she was nosey. The fact that I have had my jab ahead of her, and so far ahead of the other people in my age group has hit home that actually my condition is serious even if I dont talk about it all the time or appear "ill".

@FuckingFabulous your response to Pam was inspired - well done you. I have a vision in my mind of Pam being a combination of Pamela from Gavin and Stacey and Les Dawson's bosom-hoiking creations Cissie and Ada.

And yes I think "can you get vaccinated if you have ADHD" needs to become the new "cancel the cheque"/"are you on glue?"

@dontdisturbmenow

Because she, a perfectly healthy woman in her 50s, has to wait a few more weeks than we do, she chose to be absolutely vile about the reasons why we are in group six. That's the outrage That's fair enough although I do agree with her that in family of two parents, I don't see why carers should take priority either. Losing a parent as a child is devastating whether they were a full time parent or not.

Saying that, I've made it clear that her reaction was unacceptable and rude, and totally inappropriate, but I still think you had no reason but to brag by posting it in the first place especially if you'd already posted about the benefit of vaccination before.

Because if she's caring for her child she needs it!

So she shouldn't have the vaccine and leave all caring to vaccinated DH and not have/be allowed contact with her DD?

Honestly you aren't coming across well (or intelligent) at all.