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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Piss off, Pam!

999 replies

FuckingFabulous · 24/02/2021 12:38

A relative- 'Pam'- has pissed me right off this morning on Facebook (yes, I know, the root of all evil.)

And actually, it's not even just Pam, there are a few of them but she's the worst one!

Basically me and DH are group 6 for the vaccine. Me due to caring responsibilities for our DD and DH due to an underlying health condition. DH got the jab this morning and I reposted an article about how well the U.K. is doing with their vaccination programme and mentioned DH was currently having his vaccine and I'm having mine in a few days.

Straight away, Pam comments "so many young people having their jabs- what magic key have you all got to jump the queue? I'm Over 50 and I work with the public but I can't just waltz in like some! Oh well"

I just replied that I couldn't speak for anyone else but DH and I are in group 6, me for caring and him for health reasons and were invited to book, so there has been no queue jumping, and I realise it's frustrating to wait to be called when there are so many hopes riding on it. She then commented "So because you're a parent with normal parenting responsibilities, you are saying you have got rights ahead of me, a person over 50? Don't make me laugh."
I didn't reply because I was fuming as she knows full well that I have a round the clock caring role for my daughter (and she's a woman who wouldn't even have her own 20yo DD home to recover from surgery as it was "above and beyond" her responsibility ) so I was reeling from the audacity of her! I went to make a coffee and consider my response to her. I was all for politely telling her that she's being judgemental and although she's disappointed, it's not kind to be so dismissive when she's well aware of the difficulties I face at home, but then when I looked again, I saw it had all kicked off a bit!

Pam has posted another comment saying "And what's Mr FuckingFabulous's magic key condition?" Another older female relative chimes in then with a heart reaction and a comment of "I'd also love to know this, Pam! Beggars belief!!" Pam shoots back with "last time I checked, being an idiot wasn't on the list of conditions!" Cue about five laugh reactions from older relatives and comments like "this is why I love you, you say it like it is, Pam!"

DH has ADHD. Not sure if all older relatives know this but Pam, the one who called him an idiot, does indeed know!! I've had to speak to her and her husband before when they both expressed an opinion that ADHD and ASD don't exist and they're excuses for poor performance. And it is not even the condition which entitles him to a jab. Several people have also commented to her and some of the others that their comments are disgusting and Pam has been popping on a copy paste reply of "I am entitled to my opinion - it's a free country still."

So Pam has dismissed my caring responsibilities and taken the piss out of my DH for his ADHD. I have deleted the thread and spoken to my mum about it and she said it's best just to leave it, we don't want bad feelings in the family. Um, what about MY feelings? Or DH's??

WIBU to message Pam and tell her how bloody vile she is?? I should do it to all of them really, but I doubt it would have any impact.

OP posts:
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SleepingStandingUp · 25/02/2021 12:54

[quote Cadent]@SleepingStandingUp i'm not sure what you're referring to, I don't think I've read your posts yet.[/quote]
Sorry I thought it was a reply to mine

dontdisturbmenow · 25/02/2021 12:55

also if a parent carer is unwell that puts pressure on the state to provide for these children
This is exactly the reason why carers are systematically put in that category. It doesn't make IP more vulnerable or more at risk herself, it's to lower potential risks on health and social organisations.

This is why I can understand why some people who are more at risk could feel bitter and why posting when some of the people will more vulnerable at risk of dying is just not above thing to do.

I however don't personally resent anyone getting the vaccin whatever their situation because the more the quicker the better and OP didn't make the rule.

MolyHolyGuacamole · 25/02/2021 12:55

cuddlymunchkin
Who knows how many are on her friend list, the point is that she's bragging about getting the jab when she absolutely knows other people on her list are upset at not receiving it. She knows it looks like she has got the jab ahead of time because she put no explanation with her post.

It's nobody's business why you qualify, if all of Mumsnet can assume that someone without a mask has got an issue that they don't know about which makes them exempt, surely you can grasp that someone who's got the vaccine ahead of you has got a valid reason why. And just like exempt mask wearers, nobody has a right to that information. You sound pathetic

VettiyaIruken · 25/02/2021 12:56

Fucking hell. Is there a game of whack-a-twat going on here?

Some people are so determined to bash an op regardless the actual facts, try not to let it get to you.

Your family are twats. I understand why you don't want to but at this point I'd be on FB explaining your caring responsibilities as you outlined earlier, plus the info about your husband's lung problems and saying that anyone who wants to swap with you so they can have the jab a few weeks sooner should text you.

babbaloushka · 25/02/2021 12:56

Pam is a wanker. People are encouraged to share to increase uptake. The OP was not asking for this abuse, definitely not for Pam's little friends to gang up on her. If she shouldn't have been vaccinated, she wouldn't have been offered it. End of.

MrsHusky · 25/02/2021 13:01

beginning to think we need to ask MNHQ to make a post about what being a parent/carer entails.

I've seen a lot of posts from people thinking we're just taking the piss because 'all parents care for their children' (yes that's something i've had said to me in the past)

The ignorance about the difference between parenting and being a 'Parent Carer' is shocking.

flumposie · 25/02/2021 13:06

Hope you are ok op. You've done nothing wrong, you don't have to justify yourself. Glad you've blocked your toxic family. Loved the embroidery by the way.

PuggyMum · 25/02/2021 13:06

I totally agree @sleepingwithoutstandingup

I also agree that people should be able to post what they want on social media without a pile(s!) on from anyone. But idiots are everywhere and Pam is one of them.

My sister has just posted on her Facebook she's at the medical centre and has her sleeve rolled up but I just scroll on by as it doesn't affect me whatsoever.

I do a lot in my job about social media and it's benefits and dangers so maybe I'm overly cautious about how much I share.

SleepingStandingUp · 25/02/2021 13:07

This is why I can understand why some people who are more at risk could feel bitter and why posting when some of the people will more vulnerable at risk of dying is just not above thing to do. But she also bitched about the DH knowing he has a lung condition. She's not old, she's not ill, she's not caring for someone with a vulnerability, she's not at more risk of dying than the DH at least.

the point is that she's bragging about getting the jab when she absolutely knows other people on her list are upset at not receiving it. She knows it looks like she has got the jab ahead of time because she put no explanation with her post in what way does it look like she got the jab ahead of time? Her aunt knows her daughter is medically complex, her aunt knows about DHs ling issues too. Even if she'd said "why do you get it as a carer when healthy people with jobs don't? she could have learnt something instead of spewing trash at op

LaMarschallin · 25/02/2021 13:07

Only on MN (I'm not on any other SM) have I found the idea that having had the vaccine is something that people "brag" about.

This seems bizarre to me.

I've had it - and emailed my daughters and a couple of friends about it as part of keeping in touch - but would happily be younger and/or less ill instead.

I just thought everyone would understand that.

This is all so weird.

PuggyMum · 25/02/2021 13:07

Sorry name tag fail! I did think that user name made no sense Confused

dontdisturbmenow · 25/02/2021 13:07

Has anyone said that Pam was right and her actions were justified?

SleepingStandingUp · 25/02/2021 13:09

Surely @PuggyMum you said "oh I'm ther next week to get my pikes treated" 🤣🤣

longtompot · 25/02/2021 13:09

@Clarinsmum

I don’t get the posting about it either... I have Rheumatoid arthritis, I take immunosuppressant drugs by injection, I am in my forties, not overweight and have not yet been offered the vaccine. I’m ok with that. A close family member who is a GP has expressed surprise that I haven’t yet been invited for a vaccine and says I should chase the surgery. I’m ok with not doing that as they say all over their website and social media to not contact them about the vaccine. Someone I went to uni with posted about their vaccine appointment, on FB, I don’t know them well enough to know why they have been invited, but I think it’s odd to post about it. I don’t tell anyone about my chronic illness IRL, not even my employer knows. I find people who are genuinely ill often don’t shout about it, let alone paste it all over social media. I certainly won’t be sharing my vaccination status once it happens, whenever that may be.
My yd has JIA/RA and is on immunosuppressants. When my dh had his vaccination on Saturday, he asked the dr doing it if she should have been contacted by now and she said yes. She said a lot of people have been misrecorded and so haven't been contacted. I phoned our surgery Monday, heard back Tuesday evening with an appointment for this afternoon. I really would, in your case, call your surgery.
MrsHusky · 25/02/2021 13:10

i posted about getting mine so friends who hadn't could ask me questions about it and so i could share any side effects to help dispel fears over getting it.

There was no 'bragging' involved.

dontdisturbmenow · 25/02/2021 13:11

Only on MN (I'm not on any other SM) have I found the idea that having had the vaccine is something that people "brag" about
People brag a out everything and Facebook is the lead platform for it! How many posts have we had people saying that they couldn't cope with the perfect life everyone was exhibiting on the platform.

It's always done in a pretend humble way, but it's clear obvious that the poster gets a good feeling from knowing that others envy them.

There is a a thin line between sharing good news, which is absurdly fine and posting how you got something others are desperate for themselves but have no control over getting.

LouJ85 · 25/02/2021 13:13

Fucking hell. Is there a game of whack-a-twat going on here?

😂

MrsHusky · 25/02/2021 13:14

@dontdisturbmenow

Only on MN (I'm not on any other SM) have I found the idea that having had the vaccine is something that people "brag" about People brag a out everything and Facebook is the lead platform for it! How many posts have we had people saying that they couldn't cope with the perfect life everyone was exhibiting on the platform.

It's always done in a pretend humble way, but it's clear obvious that the poster gets a good feeling from knowing that others envy them.

There is a a thin line between sharing good news, which is absurdly fine and posting how you got something others are desperate for themselves but have no control over getting.

Yes because getting the right to a vaccine because your life revolved around caring for a disabled child who needs around the clock care is an enviable position.

Would you like your children to have her childs disability so you can get a vaccine too?

LouJ85 · 25/02/2021 13:15

People brag a out everything and Facebook is the lead platform for it! How many posts have we had people saying that they couldn't cope with the perfect life everyone was exhibiting on the platform.

With respect, and I've said this repeatedly, these are people who are choosing to interpret others' FB posts as "bragging". Another person would see no issue with it. This "I can't cope with seeing others' lives on FB" honestly, to me, says far more about that person who can't cope with it, than it does about the person posting it.

sarahC40 · 25/02/2021 13:16

@VettiyaIruken

Fucking hell. Is there a game of whack-a-twat going on here?

Some people are so determined to bash an op regardless the actual facts, try not to let it get to you.

Your family are twats. I understand why you don't want to but at this point I'd be on FB explaining your caring responsibilities as you outlined earlier, plus the info about your husband's lung problems and saying that anyone who wants to swap with you so they can have the jab a few weeks sooner should text you.

This. Btw I’m stealing the phrase whack a twat. Genius.
PuggyMum · 25/02/2021 13:16

Ha ha @sleepingstandingup
I'll let her have her moment of glory till I come along with a 'taking off my knickers before I go for a GA.... what's the worst that can happen?' Update.

LouJ85 · 25/02/2021 13:17

It's always done in a pretend humble way, but it's clear obvious that the poster gets a good feeling from knowing that others envy them.

No. They don't. The majority of people get a good feeling from sharing positive news with friends in anticipation that their friends will feel equally happy for them, as they would them. The people who believe others' intentions is to make them feel envious ... that's on them, no one else.

SleepingStandingUp · 25/02/2021 13:21

posting how you got something others are desperate for themselves but have no control over getting they got it because DH has a medical condition and their child is medically complex. No one with any common sense is jealous that op is providing round the clock care for a medically complex child or has a husband with a lung condition. Of you think that's something to brag about you need to grow up.

Presumably people on other groups are bragging at how old they are.

MrsKFZeeeeee · 25/02/2021 13:22

My point being @LouJ85 that when you have people on your FB that have completely opposite views to you, such as Aunty Pam, you just know how she will react
Post what you want to on FB, OP should have blocked her ages ago for being rude about her husband if nothing else
Jesus wept, it's not difficult 🙄
I repeat, yet again, the more people who get the vaccine the better

SleepingStandingUp · 25/02/2021 13:22

@PuggyMum

Ha ha *@sleepingstandingup* I'll let her have her moment of glory till I come along with a 'taking off my knickers before I go for a GA.... what's the worst that can happen?' Update.
Well I'll def know of you're on my friends list....
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